Individualization and Maturity

[Reality]

Why do pwBPD not mature, ie go through the process of  individualization in an age-appropriate timing?  Interested in your thinking and wording.

Thanks.

Reality

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

In terms that I understand, it is due to attachment issues.

Many factors contribute:

physiological

psychological

relational

Examples:

Physiological:  Some studies show underactive and overactive areas of the brain in proportion to stimulus in people with BPD. 

Psychological:  Struggling with object constancy for instance leaves them feeling distrust.  To individuate one must have the secure feeling that a parent is still there to protect them.

Relational:  A child who has anxiety and fears abandonment will not explore the world around them due to their anxiety.  This inhibits growth and development.

[Reality]

Wow!  Thank you, lbjnitx.  

I think you would be such an asset speaking at a BPD conference.

Is it that maturity doesn't happen until individualization is fully in place?  Guess so.

Interesting.

Reality

[vivekananda]

I think I need to study what that means 

Viv   

[lbjnltx]

I think I need to study what that means 

Viv   

Which one?  Each is a field that one could spend a lifetime of study on.  

For the ages and stages of development reading Jean Piaget or studying Maslow's Heirarchy of needs can give details of how individualization occurs.  Both theories propose that one cannot move successfully through to the next stage(s) if the current stage is not successfully completed.

Overlaying what we understand about the disorder onto these accepted theories of development can help us see what stages our children did not successfully complete and how that manifests in their lives today.   This is why, I believe, some therapists believe that "reparenting" a pwBPD can be affective.

Hope that helps a bit.

[vivekananda]

yes and no... . and interesting I was thinking about how when I was studying psych at uni how I rejected the behaviouralists and preferred Maslow et al.

I suppose I need to integrate the language used an take on board the theories and concepts behind them. I (says she bragging) blitzed psych, it was so easy. And since then I have had a jaundiced view of it - I have 4 practising psych friends. Lovely people but OMG, mad as hatters  .

So, I am like that tortoise when it comes to this stuff. I slowly absorb it, integrate it into my own experience and if it fits, keep it there.

You see, it's probably the 'jargon' that is so important but that I find so frustrating. But lbj, I have all the time in the world ahead of me, so I can spend a lifetime on it 

Point taken about reparenting though. You see, I could be making the mistake of judging the world by my experience... . hmmm

thinking,

Vivek    

[vivekananda]

ego eh?

Viv   

[qcarolr]

For the ages and stages of development reading Jean Piaget or studying Maslow's Heirarchy of needs can give details of how individualization occurs.  Both theories propose that one cannot move successfully through to the next stage(s) if the current stage is not successfully completed.

Overlaying what we understand about the disorder onto these accepted theories of development can help us see what stages our children did not successfully complete and how that manifests in their lives today.   This is why, I believe, some therapists believe that "reparenting" a pwBPD can be affective.

I really agree with the pyramid of needs. And that there is a breakdown in attachment. For many of our BPDkids that were troubled from a young age, I believe it is hardwired - genetic (at conception) or prenatal (fetal development). And then they are less able to make the required connections with their primary caregiver as infants and young children. No matter what good parents they have, and how normal siblings turn out.  So this attachment developmental process starts at the first level - safety and security. Without this need being met consistently over time, the next level of making connections/relationships fails in many ways.  There is a well researched interpersonal neurobiological basis to all this. The pyramid parallels how the Brain and CNS (central nervous system) develops starting at birth.

Here is a summary I put together from one of the books I reviewed. "Creating Loving Attachments... . " by Kim Golding.

As parents we want to jump in immediately at the top of the Pyramid of Need – “fix this so I can feel better and my child will stop suffering and we can have a peaceful home”. Then we are confused and angry when the therapy does not help. We blame the therapists, doctors, hospitals, clinics, self-help books, other parent, our parents, ourselves and ultimately we blame our children. We are left back at the bottom again, searching for our own safety. How will we ever be available to nurture and help our family heal when we are so stuck? Our parental systems are blocked.

Investigating how loving my children with the PACE model of therapeutic parenting has given me great hope for healing in many of our families. This has brought cohesion for me with many other ideas, theories, and practices that have begun to work in my family.

Figure 10.1 Pyramid of Need

(from “Creating Loving Attachments: Parenting with PACE to Nurture Confidence in the Troubled Child”, Kim S. Golding)

_

hit

_____

EXPLORE

TRAUMA

MOURN LOSS

hit__________

_____¬¬______

RESILIENCE AND RESOURCES

Self-esteem and identity

_____hit_________

EMPATHY AND REFLECTION

Thinking in relation to self and others

________________________

COMFORT AND CO-REGULATION

Eliciting care from relationships

_____________________________

DEVELOPING RELATIONSHIPS

Connecting with others

__________________________________

FEELING SAFE

Physically and emotionally




It is a little different than Maslov's - focus on parenting our children. Don't know how to do the centering format to make it look like a pyramid.

qcr  

[lbjnltx]

In terms that I understand, it is due to attachment issues.

Many factors contribute:

physiological

psychological

relational

Examples:

Physiological:  Some studies show underactive and overactive areas of the brain in proportion to stimulus in people with BPD. 

Took me a bit to remember where I had seen this info here on the site.  Here it is:

Brain Scans Clarify BPD-Mount Sanai School of Medicine

[Reality]

lbjnitx,

This is fascinating information!  Thank you so very much.  Neuroscience is a strong anchor for my thinking.

I appreciate you taking the time to find the link.

Reality