True Suicide attempt?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I remember a year ago today when, during our 40th/50th rage episode, I told my now ex-fiancé that we just couldn't get married with her acting like she was. A couple of times before I had sent her to her mum's during rage incidents as I couldn't handle what was going on as things were getting worse and worse.

She ran upstairs and came down 10 mins later, telling me she had taken an overdose. I panicked, called the ambulance and a two seater ambulance car turned up with an ambulance woman and whisked her off to hospital. I had to follow in a cab after which took ages as there were no cabs around nearby. When I got there, I told the cabby to wait while I assessed the situation and when I got to see her, she asked me to take her home as it wasn't serious and she didn't want to be assessed by anyone.

The doctor said she hadn't taken enough Anadin to do any harm but wanted to keep her for evaluation, which she refused to do as she seemed to know the routine. So after an hour, we got back into the cab and I paid him £70 for his trouble, even though the fare was only a fiver.

The next day, she was hugely apologetic and of course said we can still get married for fear if what she would do to herself. She also told me she had been speaking to the Samaritans if late because she was so desperate.

Two days after and suddenly I was told I was extremely uncaring the night of the suicide attempt and I had led her to do this, saying that she actually wanted to see someone but didnt because I had kept the cabby waiting and had an eye in the time rather than showing caring for her. I admit that being a midweek night with work I the morning and not caring about the cost, I kept the driver waiting as in the back of my mind this felt like a cry for help but who knows?

I knew nothing of BPD back then but it still bothers me to this day so I thought I would post on this specific incident.

Could I have led her to commit suicide? Was I uncaring? Let me know if any similar experiences... .   to this day she tells me I drove her to it.

[Shadowlands]

I remember a year ago today when, during our 40th/50th rage episode, I told my now ex-fiancé that we just couldn't get married with her acting like she was. A couple of times before I had sent her to her mum's during rage incidents as I couldn't handle what was going on as things were getting worse and worse.

She ran upstairs and came down 10 mins later, telling me she had taken an overdose. I panicked, called the ambulance and a two seater ambulance car turned up with an ambulance woman and whisked her off to hospital. I had to follow in a cab after which took ages as there were no cabs around nearby. When I got there, I told the cabby to wait while I assessed the situation and when I got to see her, she asked me to take her home as it wasn't serious and she didn't want to be assessed by anyone.

The doctor said she hadn't taken enough Anadin to do any harm but wanted to keep her for evaluation, which she refused to do as she seemed to know the routine. So after an hour, we got back into the cab and I paid him £70 for his trouble, even though the fare was only a fiver.

The next day, she was hugely apologetic and of course said we can still get married for fear if what she would do to herself. She also told me she had been speaking to the Samaritans if late because she was so desperate.

Two days after and suddenly I was told I was extremely uncaring the night of the suicide attempt and I had led her to do this, saying that she actually wanted to see someone but didnt because I had kept the cabby waiting and had an eye in the time rather than showing caring for her. I admit that being a midweek night with work I the morning and not caring about the cost, I kept the driver waiting as in the back of my mind this felt like a cry for help but who knows?

I knew nothing of BPD back then but it still bothers me to this day so I thought I would post on this specific incident.

Could I have led her to commit suicide? Was I uncaring? Let me know if any similar experiences... .   to this day she tells me I drove her to it.

[mango_flower]

No, you did not drive her to it.

If you'd pandered to it all, she probably would have said something like "you think I'm mental, trying to get me locked up... .   ".

They will use whatever you do and twist it round to prove their point... .  

I know there is a lot of pain associated with your history now, but I always find it helps if you work out what a "normal" person would have done at that time... .   and it probably isn't what your ex did.

Then, you see how troubled they are, and they were that way a LONG time before you guys met. xxx

[imstronghere2]

Could I have led her to commit suicide? Was I uncaring? Let me know if any similar experiences... .   to this day she tells me I drove her to it.

To me it screams of being an act of manipulation and is very common for someone with BPD when they feel like that's all they have left to trump you with.  My exwBPD did it in a very similar way but she also cut her wrist (albeit not enough to do any real harm) but it was enough to get her admitted to the psych ward at the hospital for a week. 

You tried to get her help.  How is that uncaring?  By her continuing to tell you that you drove her to it is more manipulation on her part.  You did the right thing by breaking it off with her.   It's not going to get any better.  Be thankful you didn't marry her.  I spent 19 years in emotional prison (marriage) with mine.  I'll struggle every day of my life from here on out.

Good luck.

[Shadowlands]

Thanks both, very helpful and soothing. I am almost there, just struggle a bit in the mornings when I wake up. Little unresolved things pop in my head that I need an answer to or at least validation from domeone who understands... .