The Promiscuity Blows My Mind

[rockhardabsman]

It never ceases to amaze me at just how promiscuous my ex is. I mean P-R-O-M-I-S-C-U-O-S! Were talking 75 partners in 5 years, and 13 in the past 1 1/2 months since I kicked her out. And the sick part is they are all "just friends." I mean is it just me or is that a lot? I know we are in the sexual liberation age but just seems too much.

Grosses me out when I see stuff from guys on her facebook talking about how much they miss her, and wish she was back in there arms and waking up to her beautiful face again... .   And the funny part is they are UGLY... .   I mean the last guy is almost 400lbs lives with his mom, smokes weed all day, no job, no car. This is exactly why I never trusted her with her male "friends."

The sick part is 2 days earlier she called me balling her eyes out saying sorry for every specific thing she's done... .   including flirting with men, and how she should have deleted her facebook and it ruined our relationship, I miss you's, I love you's... .   Feels like a slap in the face really... .   Like how am I supposed to believe anything that comes out of her mouth, especially since despite all she said she wasn't willing to put in any effort to rectify the situation despite saying she knew what caused me to kick her out.

How can someone honestly sleep with 13 guys in the past 1 1/2 months post breakup and not feel like crap?

[fakename]

yeah thats pretty amazing. sorry to hear.  i'm sure it puts you in disbelief.

mine is more of try to get into a relationship but then gets dumped type girl.  she's been in relationships with 3 other guys in the past 2 months.  thats not exactly normal either... .  

you deserve a lot better and dont need the std risk

[rockhardabsman]

No kidding about the disbelief. I mean I've had my fair share of female friends... .   But they were just that friends. Nothing sexual. She was always so extremely jealous. If a girl so much as called me, even a friend that I haven't talked to in years it would start a rage on her part and accusations of cheating.

She is completely incapable of having male "friends" because she has sex with all of them. She has no boundaries when it comes to that. If a man gives her any attention, she will sleep with them.

I mean, do BPD's ever reflect and think... .   wow I'm a s-l-u-t? Meh... .   all it does is just make me think that phone call last friday to me was nothing but BS. I'm surprised im STD free, I just got checked... .   she bare-backs all the time. How can she honestly be happy, I mean she must know all these guys only care about her for whats in between her legs.

[inepted]

It never ceases to amaze me at just how promiscuous my ex is. I mean P-R-O-M-I-S-C-U-O-S! Were talking 75 partners in 5 years, and 13 in the past 1 1/2 months since I kicked her out. And the sick part is they are all "just friends." I mean is it just me or is that a lot? I know we are in the sexual liberation age but just seems too much.

Grosses me out when I see stuff from guys on her facebook talking about how much they miss her, and wish she was back in there arms and waking up to her beautiful face again... .   And the funny part is they are UGLY... .   I mean the last guy is almost 400lbs lives with his mom, smokes weed all day, no job, no car. This is exactly why I never trusted her with her male "friends."

The sick part is 2 days earlier she called me balling her eyes out saying sorry for every specific thing she's done... .   including flirting with men, and how she should have deleted her facebook and it ruined our relationship, I miss you's, I love you's... .   Feels like a slap in the face really... .   Like how am I supposed to believe anything that comes out of her mouth, especially since despite all she said she wasn't willing to put in any effort to rectify the situation despite saying she knew what caused me to kick her out.

How can someone honestly sleep with 13 guys in the past 1 1/2 months post breakup and not feel like crap?

Ha, wow, similar thoughts were going through my head the other day. Its also been a month and a half now since things ended between us, and I dont even know how many people she's had sex with. She hasn't mentioned exact numbers, but all I know is its a lot. She's also "just friends" with all of them as well. I admit I was curious what kind of people they were, so I took a peak at some of them she's friended on facebook, and all I can do is roll my eyes. Some of these people are twice her age. She is free to do what she wants though. While she's out engaging in all the risky behavior, I worked hard to get a new amazing job.

I am a little jealous of you though. It sounds petty, but I wish I would get a similar call from her like you got, just as a means of self validation. It wouldn't change anything, but shes just trying so hard to pretend everything is okay, it would just be kind of nice to hear her admit she's wrong. She's too stubborn to admit that'll never happen though. Oh well.

[rockhardabsman]

I am a little jealous of you though. It sounds petty, but I wish I would get a similar call from her like you got, just as a means of self validation. It wouldn't change anything, but shes just trying so hard to pretend everything is okay, it would just be kind of nice to hear her admit she's wrong. She's too stubborn to admit that'll never happen though. Oh well.

Don't be jealous. I too was hoping for validation as well. I got it, and all it did was piss me off more! Because despite saying all the things she did wrong and apologizing and telling me how much she loves me, crying saying she misses me etc. Her actions show the complete opposite. So I'm pissed.

I guess what they say is true though, they do pick easier marks. I mean all these other "friends" have nothing going for them in life. Most live with their parents at almost 30. I've got my house, 6 figure salary, a business, I provided her with everything, no one can live up to that. I'm don't have the emotional capacity of a wet sack. She will never see me beg and cry like all these "friends" about how much I miss her etc.

I guess that sets me up to be one of 3 ex's that put her in her place. And I know she still misses the other 2 retards that didn't put up with her crap. But never mentioned the ones that pine after her, in fact she normally ignores those ones after she's done with them.

[somethingtolose]

It would "blow my mind" if I didn't understand BPD. The desperation and pain they feel isn't something that most of us have ever experienced, so it's hard to put it in perspective. And given how easy it is for a relatively attractive female to attract males, it's not that hard to understand.

[blecker]

How can someone honestly sleep with 13 guys in the past 1 1/2 months post breakup and not feel like crap?

Did you ever have a scratch that you itched until it bled?

I think that is why.

[whereisthezen]

I think he means it is hard to accept their behavior when you a nonBPD is always focusing on the health, happiness, and romance in a r/s. if you give your partner a lot of attention, affection, and love and their behavior is as if your r/s was unhealthy and unfulfilling, and even hurting them to act that way, it is shocking because it is beyond affairs or cheating it is a dysfunction. Hard to digest when you were aiming for loving, healthy and positive. Aiming for a closer connection to your mate. Trying to make sure they felt loved unconditionally... .   At least that's what I think the issue is in trying to understand the atrocity.

[whereisthezen]

Becker, good point. Does any medication help this type of behavior, the impulse, the addiction to affection from strangers, addition to control or to being desired so unhealthily?

[whereisthezen]

Sorry last post meant to say to Blecker.

[blecker]

Becker, good point. Does any medication help this type of behavior, the impulse, the addiction to affection from strangers, addition to control or to being desired so unhealthily?

I'm not sure about medications, I'm not a doctor.  BPD is renouned for poor impulse control so there may be some chemical script to mediate this issue.

But I think, as others have shared, that the issue of using sex as a means to and end is embedded in the skewded personality. Like compulsive masterbation is not necessarily sex oriented but often for the chemicals released at orgasm, the BPD may enjoy some endorphons released during the catch phase and then others during the act itself.

I believe a lot has to do with the parent of abandonment, the circumstances and time of the initial event(s) and the maturing process. Different tools are discovered to mitigate the pain as time and experience move forward.

Sex can be discovered to be just the tool for the job.

[benny2]

I have a feeling there were several more partners than he is willing to admit also. He had one while I was living there that he claimed to be just a friend. She lived in another city and was up here within a week after I moved out. I caught him sneaking over to his ex wifes house at 430 in the morning when he was soposably going to work early. Not sure who he was seeing there, her or her roomate at the time, maybe both. I understand that this behavior is part of the BPD, but I can't help but think that they CAN control it. Its an addiction, to make them feel better. It gives them power, when they feel powerless, control when they feel out of control. They just don't realize that it just makes all those feelings intesify.

[Li Po mem]

 It's sad but true

[benny2]

I set a boundry for mine this time. I told him any more and I'm gone, although it will be easier for him now that I am not living there. I think he knows he can't or is unwilling to stop so that is why he is pushing me away again. Get rid of me before I end it. Wow, so BPD typical. My guess is his ex is coming back soon and staying with him again. We will see.

[ohmygosh]

It's all just so sad these behaviours, I was shocked by the involvement of so many men.  I thought I was over it all not long ago but it's all so shocking what went on I often drift back into thoughts about it all.  The worst thing is how sick it makes me feel.  Powerless to help, in shame of it all, really has beaten up my self esteem.  I do ok when i am busy at work etc but have not enjoyed a day off work for a long time.  It makes me feel dirty at times, puts me off being with anyone.  Seems like i am stuck in a headspace that will not allow me to move forward.  I put myself down so much now.  Am sure it's just a phase i am going through but my confidence is shattered with women.  I feel like it has turned me into a lost cause.  Heard someone else mention the only thing they gained from the relationship is an understanding of their own flaws, that is how i feel now and it's a very negative feeling.

[tryingtohelp]

It all points to what a huge mess most BPDs make of their out of control lives,  I'm amazed anyone can actually marry someone with this condition and have a family as well ! I find it hard enough just trying to maintain a close friendship, I could write a book about the grief my dBPD S.O. has put me through in just 5 years.   

I often wonder, is it actually possible to have a friendship with someone with BPD ?  No doubt a subject for debate in itself.

[Clearmind]

How can someone honestly sleep with 13 guys in the past 1 1/2 months post breakup and not feel like crap?

When we are angered it may help to understand where the anger stems from and what we are masking. Processing that also helps us to rationalise the hurt with some facts.

rockhardabsman, learning about this no doubt would hurt your feelings and we can express this hurt as anger! I have read it through this thread - I get your hurt.

Knowing BPD we can understand how she is processing things - via some maladaptive coping skills - like promiscuity! That is a fact/its her reality. If we concentrate on the facts we can process the hurt.

Moving forward rather than running in circles and given you are on the undecided board - are you wanting to work through this or detach in a healthy way?

[benny2]

ohmygosh, I know exactly where your coming from. I have soo many friends and family telling me to move on and they are right. I have men who have asked me out, and I turn away. At times I feel like this has damaged me for good. Although, I have learned alot from this and hope that I can use what I have learned to find a more healthy relationship if and when the time comes.