Restraining Order hearing

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Well, tomorrow morning is my hearing to try to get my restraining order dismissed. At this point, my ex girlfriend appears to be attending as she has not dismissed it herself from the letter my attorney sent her offering herself to do so if she wants to avoid having sensitive matters come up in court.

A quick review of the timeline. On February 1st, she called my drunk and we talked for two hours. She claimed I would never marry her and that I was a cheat, liar, etc. I have incoming phone records showing her number from that evening. Because of the subject matter of her call, the next day, I went to her house and knocked on the door to see how she was and called her to leave messages and tried to get her to pull over in traffic to further discuss our issues in a sober state. I even suggeted that we spend the whole next day together (Sunday) to discuss in private without time constraints and outside pressures. She totally ignored me. She listed all that on the restraining order.

Then a few das later, I wanted to make things right and get her to believe that I was legitimate so I bought her a ring. She was unavailable at work when I showed up with the ring but I called her and told her that I had a ring and that I could email  her pictures of it. The message with the photos was RELAX, TAKE YOUR TIME, HAVE SOME FUN, PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. The next evening, she has the police call me to tell me to leave her alone. That was February 7th. I told the police that I would leave her alone and I have done up to this date. In the meantime, she has called my cell phone the next evening after getting the police involved. I habve a record of the incoming call. She did not leave a message. Then a week later she files a restraining order. Then two weeks later, she tries to reach out to me twice through match.com. I called the dating site and they told me that she personally had to send me those emails herself in order for me to get them. I have records of this. Lastly, she claims on the restraining order that we have not dated for over 2 years. I have many emails from her still thanking me for nice dinners and that she still loves me as recently as late October of 2012.  She also claims that I have phisically harmed her in the restraining order. Not true. Do I have a chance to get this dismissed? Please help.     

[swimjim]

Well, tomorrow morning is my hearing to try to get my restraining order dismissed. At this point, my ex girlfriend appears to be attending as she has not dismissed it herself from the letter my attorney sent her offering herself to do so if she wants to avoid having sensitive matters come up in court.

A quick review of the timeline. On February 1st, she called my drunk and we talked for two hours. She claimed I would never marry her and that I was a cheat, liar, etc. I have incoming phone records showing her number from that evening. Because of the subject matter of her call, the next day, I went to her house and knocked on the door to see how she was and called her to leave messages and tried to get her to pull over in traffic to further discuss our issues in a sober state. I even suggeted that we spend the whole next day together (Sunday) to discuss in private without time constraints and outside pressures. She totally ignored me. She listed all that on the restraining order.

Then a few das later, I wanted to make things right and get her to believe that I was legitimate so I bought her a ring. She was unavailable at work when I showed up with the ring but I called her and told her that I had a ring and that I could email  her pictures of it. The message with the photos was RELAX, TAKE YOUR TIME, HAVE SOME FUN, PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. The next evening, she has the police call me to tell me to leave her alone. That was February 7th. I told the police that I would leave her alone and I have done up to this date. In the meantime, she has called my cell phone the next evening after getting the police involved. I habve a record of the incoming call. She did not leave a message. Then a week later she files a restraining order. Then two weeks later, she tries to reach out to me twice through match.com. I called the dating site and they told me that she personally had to send me those emails herself in order for me to get them. I have records of this. Lastly, she claims on the restraining order that we have not dated for over 2 years. I have many emails from her still thanking me for nice dinners and that she still loves me as recently as late October of 2012.  She also claims that I have phisically harmed her in the restraining order. Not true. Do I have a chance to get this dismissed? Please help.     

[ForeverDad]

The odds for you are better than in many of the accounts we've read here.  But a lot also depends on other factors.

• How emotionally convincing (posturing) will she be?  (Most if not all of her claims are unsubstantiated and should be considered 'hearsay', that is, "he-said she-said".)  However, courts are inclined to err on the side of caution when someone claims abuse, even unsubstantiated, even vague, even without a shred of proof.  How much so in your case in your court is the question we can't answer from here.



• Do YOU have prior incidents with law enforcement or courts?  If not, that should be emphasized as strongly in your favor.



• Does SHE have prior incidents with law enforcement or courts?  If so, that should be mentioned since it may affect the credibility of her allegations.



• Has SHE previously called police or filed complaints against other people or boyfriends?  If so, that should be mentioned since it ought to affect the credibility of her 'latest' allegations.  (It is typical for conflictual people to paint all former relationships as abusive since that is their current perception.)



• Present as much evidence as time allows to refute her reported claims.



• State that you know the relationship is OVER and an order is unnecessary since you have since not contacted her and, order or no order, will not seek her out in the future.



• If the court wishes to grant an order make sure it STATES you have not been abusive or whatever (no "finding of fact" and ADDS specific instructions that SHE is not to contact YOU.



• If the court wishes to grant an order have lawyer make sure it is written as one that cannot be easily "renewed" later.  No virtually automatic extensions, she would have to file all over again.



• If the court wishes to grant an order and not tell her to stop contacting you, then state you'll have to seek your own order against her as well to keep her away.  You can state you are 'fearful' that her continuing attempts to contact you are attempts to frame you again.  (This counter-filing might be something your lawyer could mention mention to her, if allowed, that you may file against her so you're 'protected' too - from her.)

Your lawyer could help determine which of the above might work for you.

Also, your lawyer should prep you on how to answer questions to the judge.  It's okay to say "I don't know" or "I don't remember".  Beware of answering a Yes or No question with a longer answer, that could get you into worse trouble.  Saying, "Yes but... .   " will only be heard as "Yes", your explanation will likely be ignored.  So follow lawyer's instructions.

Though I don't know if a prosecutor is involved or there are charges beyond her complaint or filing, the DA or ADA or someone else in the court may pressure you to plead guilty to a lesser charge.  Beware.  Admiting guilt can't be undone.  And that record, however minor it may seem, may follow you for years to come.