Grieving for the beautiful person with a mental illness

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I no longer have anger or frustration for my uBPD partner who I am disentangling from.

How can I be angry at someone suffering the trauma of mental illness.

I have decided the relatively short pain of my experience with the horror that BPD behaviour can cause is surmountable for me.

I can not imagine the terror of having lived with this insidious disorder for a lifetime.

It must be hellish for him.

I "pray" HE finds the help he needs.

Alas, that is not me or my responsibility.

I believe in mercy AND healthy boundaries.

I am returning to being a loving, non judgmental supportive friend for him.   That is how our relationship began.

We had two wonderful years of friendship and love then a horror run of 15 months when BPD reared its ugly head.

I move forward on my own journey of healing and understanding.

I am detached and stronger with each passing day.

I have finally accepted that I can let him steer his own life wherever that ends up.

He may go bankrupt.

He may stop working.

He may completely destroy his home that is mortgaged to the hilt.

I accept I can do nothing to alter his coursethat he sets for himself.

I grieve his losses but pray he may find himself

[optimismandlove]

I no longer have anger or frustration for my uBPD partner who I am disentangling from.

How can I be angry at someone suffering the trauma of mental illness.

I have decided the relatively short pain of my experience with the horror that BPD behaviour can cause is surmountable for me.

I can not imagine the terror of having lived with this insidious disorder for a lifetime.

It must be hellish for him.

I "pray" HE finds the help he needs.

Alas, that is not me or my responsibility.

I believe in mercy AND healthy boundaries.

I am returning to being a loving, non judgmental supportive friend for him.   That is how our relationship began.

We had two wonderful years of friendship and love then a horror run of 15 months when BPD reared its ugly head.

I move forward on my own journey of healing and understanding.

I am detached and stronger with each passing day.

I have finally accepted that I can let him steer his own life wherever that ends up.

He may go bankrupt.

He may stop working.

He may completely destroy his home that is mortgaged to the hilt.

I accept I can do nothing to alter his coursethat he sets for himself.

I grieve his losses but pray he may find himself

[elessar]

stole the words of most of us. very happy to see you have reached this peaceful place. I feel I have reached there, then a few days later back in fetal position... .   and the cycle repeats. Just like yours, she was my friend for 5 years before few months of intense relationship. 4 yrs of her disappearing, then past 30 months of hell. last break up 11 weeks back. now shes about to get married. . I am still her best friend. It is so hard to be a best friend, right?

[optimismandlove]

Hi there elessar

Im a bit confused.  Was your last breakup only 11 weeks ago but now she is marrying someone else?

Sorry if I read that wrong.

It sounds very confusing for you.

How do you manage to stay friends?

Have you completely forgiven her?

Are you now in a more permanent peaceful state or do you still alternate between peace and despair?

[elessar]

Hi optimis,

I started a new topic where I updated the situation in my life now - https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=199216.0

how do i manage to stay friends? it is torture. it is hell. i don't know why i do it. i dont even want to. but the girl i knew before her BPD symptom's holds me back. and patience... .   infinite amount of patience is required not to let her words affect me.

No i have not forgiven her, and i highly doubt i will ever truly forgive her if everything stays the way they are. I felt played, I felt used. That she used me and our love to extract personal freedom from her family.

I have been alternating between peace and despair for 7 yrs now. I dont know when will it go... .