long overdue update and a new rtc

[eac]

Hello all.  I have not posted in a long while but I have been here reading on and off. I was so overwhelmed by my situation that I couldn't even bring myself to write it down.  That is bad of me, I tend to turtle when things get rough.  I am working on reaching out for support. I popped back in to give an update since it always bothered me to not know what was happening with people when they just disappeared. Sadly, my update in not all that great.

DD, now 15, began a long term residential/therapeutic boarding school last week.  She will be there for at least 15 months.  It is really nice - a farm like setting with high structure and low stress. The reality for my dd is that she can not function in a regular life setting at this point and no one is sure when or if she will be able to live in an unsupervised, unstructured environment.  I have come to terms with this.  She is disabled, she has a brain disease and it may not get better for a long time.

This placement was prompted by a horrible 6 months of repeated suicide attempts, hospitalizations, cutting that required stitches, and more.  She has been in the severely emotionally impaired room at school which functions like a day treatment program, she was supervised 24/7 by her father or I (like eyes on at all times), and was in DBT therapy for 2x a week for the last year or so.  All of this was not enough.

I recognize that this might scare some new people but may also offer information and consolation to others. My dd has a very severe case of BPD with chronic suicidal ideation and self injury along with dissociative episodes.  I am told this is very rare.  But I know from this board, not as rare as some would think.

I struggle with the thought that I gave my child to someone else to take care of her but I know that I have done every single thing I could do and it just wasn't enough.  This gives her the best chance at survival and living a life worth living.

As always, I wish peace to everyone one of us fighting and suffering with this terrible disease and I pray for advancements in treatment.  I thank all of you for your support and guidance during the last year or so.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

eac... .  can you message me with which RTC your dd is at? I am looking for one for my dd and I have not found one I like. My dd was released from RTC one week ago and is in an out patient program right now. I am not sure she will be able to return to mainstream school so i am looking at RTC. Your dd has a similar story as do many here including my dd. I hope you can regain your strength while she is away. It is very exhausting dealing with the ups and owns of BPD. I am glad you found a place for your dd. thank you for updating us... .  

[TopsyTurvy]

I am new here and haven't read any or your previous posts, but I can relate to isolating when things get rough. I have the same tendency. I am glad you chose to update us.

I can understand how you would struggle with the thought that you have given your child to someone else to take care of. As a mom, we are supposed to have all the answers and be able to fix all the problems our children have. The fact is that sometimes we just can't. Sounds like you have done all you could. I think it is brave and loving to acknowledge you don't have all the answers, and to have the strength to step back and let others help your child.

Keeping you and your dd in my prayers.

[Thursday]

eac,

I'm glad you found an rtc for your DD and glad you checked in with us.

I hope this placement will help your daughter.

Thinking of you... .  

thursday

[vivekananda]

Hi eac,

It's good to hear your voice. I am glad for you your dd is in an rtc and I hope that it works well for her. You have surely been through a hard time and these teenage years are traumatic indeed.

Have you read Buddha and the Borderline? I just finished it. It is about a recovered young woman with BPD. She cut regularly, suicide ideation and attempts. It is a wonderful story and gave me further insight into the disorder too, from a parent/child perspective.

eac, please keep on posting, the dialogue is helpful for us and you have much to offer. You don't have to say much 

Cheers,

Vivek