Why does it still hurt?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Why does it still hurt to see my ex fawn over other women?  Ugh, it's so frustrating.  It was a good friend's 30th birthday this weekend and she invited some friends from out of town.  My ex and one of her out-of-town friends hit it off.  He was holding her hand and kissing her on the top of the head- after just meeting!  His best friend even joked to a friend of mine that I must be angry that he was talking to another girl.  It's like a joke to them. 

My logical mind reminds me all the toxic pain he put me through- how he never really cared about me... .   but my heart still hurts when I see him treat women he met for 2 hours the same way he did with me after a year+ of dating. 

[SarahinMA]

Why does it still hurt to see my ex fawn over other women?  Ugh, it's so frustrating.  It was a good friend's 30th birthday this weekend and she invited some friends from out of town.  My ex and one of her out-of-town friends hit it off.  He was holding her hand and kissing her on the top of the head- after just meeting!  His best friend even joked to a friend of mine that I must be angry that he was talking to another girl.  It's like a joke to them. 

My logical mind reminds me all the toxic pain he put me through- how he never really cared about me... .   but my heart still hurts when I see him treat women he met for 2 hours the same way he did with me after a year+ of dating. 

[NiceGuy83]

If she's such a 'good friend', why was your ex there? 0_0

[SarahinMA]

If she's such a 'good friend', why was your ex there? 0_0

Because my ex and I share a lot of mutual friends and I would never tell her not to invite him. 

[NiceGuy83]

You should talk to her.  I had mutual friends with my ex too, but part of 'No Contact' has to be explaining to those friends that you cannot be around your ex.  The true friends will stick by you.  Anyone who starts not inviting YOU as a result was not your true friend.  My true friends have been incredibly supportive on this, and I've also spotted which friends were really just acquaintances by their reactions. 

I should also have said that I'm sorry you had to go through that with your ex.  Rest assured, he was watching you the whole time for your reaction.  He is determined to 'win' the break-up.  Well, he can't win, and you can't lose, if you don't play his silly game.  And of course it hurts, being disrespected publicly like that.  But anyone with any emotional maturity will see him for what he is, and will think no less of you if you just walk away from all the drama and non-sense. 

[SarahinMA]

Thanks NiceGuy,

That helped a lot.  It is a struggle mainly because I still feel pains of rejection from him.  It's shocking how fast he moves with women (I still remember him with me, but I felt the intensity as much as he did).  The hand-holding, the slow dances- he didn't leave her side all night like he was absolutely in love with her. 

I think you're right though.  Thinking back, he kissed her on the forehead (a very intimate gesture, imo) right in front of me. 

[Clearmind]

If I was this girl Sarah, I would run a mile - a girl receiving such treatment only after meeting a guy for 2 hours has no idea about red flags. This behavior typifies the lack of boundaries and she has little self respect to allow a guy to do that.

I would imagine you are a girl who wants to be respected - would you rather be this girl that has no clue what she is getting herself in for? This is not showing anyone respect. Its quite childish.

[Sleep doc]

Because he has enmeshed your ego and your pride along with how you feel emotionally.   It's ok - just embrace the hurt, and realize that by ending it yourself you have chosen to love yourself.  What he does literally doesn't matter anymore.