Hypochondria?

[BioAdoptMom3]

Anyone else's kids over exaggerate illnesses and injuries?  This has been going on for a long time, but tonight 13 y/o DD, when they were practicing diving back to first base at softball practice, landed on her hip.  She complained at practice some, but was otherwise fine.  When we got home she was totally limping, whining, etc. She now wants one of the crutches in our garage, which we know she will want to take to school tomorrow, to the church where she helps the kids with music on Wednesday afternoons, and the list goes on.  Does or has this happened with your own BPD kids?  If so, how do you handle it?  Do you give in since it's not worth the argument, or do you just lay it on the line and not allow them exaggerate the injury?  It happens a lot and it's getting old here!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[cleanandsober]

Yes, our 15 yr. old D is very sensitive to her body.  Frequent stomach aches and headaches.  She definitely babies herself.  She wanted a band-aid on every minor scratch when she was little and than would not let us take off the band-aid when it needed to be changed because of fear of pain.  When she gets a headache she sometimes worries that she has a brain tumor.  If she doesn't get a good night's sleep she cannot tolerate being tired, must be too painful for her.  The list goes on... .   I give your D credit that at least she will go to school with crutches, better than staying home.  I try to just use medium chill when she over exaggerates. (which is sometimes easier said than done)  I think it's all about validating and acknowledging how she feels, without turning her into a victim all of the time.  We just try to stay calm and not over react.  Good Luck... .   (I still think our D should become an actress when she grows up!)

[jellibeans]

This is very common with my dd15... .   I have a long list of illnesses... .   fake fainting... .   she once got an ambulance ride to the ER for fear she had meningitis... .   they even gave her a spinal and she continued with the fake illness... .   actress? Hmmm... .   I don't know but that was the day I said there is something really wrong with my dd. It was like a light going on and the very real feeling that I was dealing with something not right.

How I deal with each illness is different depending on the situation... .   she often tried to get out of school and text me to come get her all day... .   when I said she needed to have a fever or be throwing up... .   she would throw up or at least make the people at school think she threw up... .   when that didn't work... .   she would faint. The list is pretty long but my dd is pretty determined to get what she wants and nothing will stand in her way... .   if only that kind of energy could be put in the right direction... .   she could do anything she puts her mind to... .  

here is a quote I like very much and it makes me think of my dd... .  

Let her sleep for when she awakes she will move mountains... .   I truly believe she will one day... .    

[griz]

My DD does not show Hypochondria, but when she is feeling ill oh boy, it is like the world is nearing it's end.  I have noticed it has gotten better as she gets older (wish I could say this was true of my dh who a hangnail is the end of the world as we know it). 

This may be part of her BPD but I just want to say I have two friends who have kids without BPD and both of their girls are always on crutches or bandaged or hurt.  One has been to the Orthopedist so many times with her daughter that he actually told her she needs to stop bringing her in.  Is it possible that her injuries just make her feel special in some way.  Maybe makes people stand up and take notice.  Maybe this is a behavior you could address without over reacting.  Let her use the cruthes if she wants but not make a big deal of it

Griz

[lbjnltx]

There could be many things coming into play with injury/illness exageration:

Lack of distress tolerance=a twisted ankle feels so bad it must be broken

Attention seeking behaviors=being on crutches will get other's attention and I feel important and cared about.

Black/white all or nothing thinking=if it hurts it must be broken

We can validate that they are in pain, and show concern frequently. 

They need to be recognized in a balance of facts and emotions (wise mind).  Ignoring or responding in an invalidating way (medium chill) will almost guaranty further attention seeking behaviors until they are validated. 

Just my opinion from having lived through it many times.

[sunshineplease]

This all sounds very familiar. Ud18 had the bandaid thing, then knee problems, then tendonitis, then headaches -- all related to things she didn't want to do (exercise, practice violin, study). It is apparently quite common: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2528239/

It's tough in all ways when our kids' perceptions are so off, and especially trying when health issues are involved. You don't want to buy into delusion/enable them by taking them to hospital every time they skin a knee, but you don't want to dismiss them out of hand and miss an injury or illness that really needs treatment!

Now that I understand the illness better, I guess I'd try to validate feelings and put the ball back in your daughter's court ("How do you want to handle it, honey?". The crutches sound like a good option -- you already have them, and there's no harm in her using them at school. I suppose you could look at it the same way you might a three-year-old wearing a Batman or princess costume to preschool: It's self-expression and an attempt self-care, and doesn't hurt anyone. The reaction she'll get from others is something she'll have to deal with. So when the gym teacher asks where her note is, excusing her from class, and you haven't given her one... .  she's left dealing with a situation of her own making. A natural consequence.

Good luck. I know from experience just how hard this is.

[Someday . . .]

How interesting!  My daughter was always very sweet, and kind as a child, yet, the one thing that was out of whack was sickness.  She loved the attention and always downplayed if anyone else got ill or sick.  She would say "oh, he's faking it" . . as blood was oozing out of her brothers knee!  It ended up that we lovingly called her 'sicky freak'!  Ever since she was 13 she would at least go to the ER s a minimum of three times a year . . and it was for seemingly valid reasons.  It finally reached a head when a couple of years ago she ended up with constant migraines (due to smoking crystal meth) and she was given opiates by a well known hospital  (who was aware of her history of substance abuse). . which led to a massive opiate addiction (mainly because opiates give 'rebound headaches'.  So to make a long story short she went to the ER to get dilaudid (the only thing that helped with the migraines) over 30 times in a period of 4 months.  The good thing is is that some ER doctors would not give her relief to the migraines, stating that that is not the way to treat migraines.  So my daughter started having 'bad' experiences at the ER.  This kept happening to the point that now she doesn't feel that she will get relief from going to the ER or a doctor.  So, on one hand, the negative experiences at the ER helped curb the many, many, visits for which I am grateful and I am grateful to say that the migraines are gone and so is the addiction.

I am not saying I hope that your daughters experience gets way out of hand like ours did . .  I just realize that when 'nature' took its course. . it led to an outcome which was beneficial for us.

Good luck!

[pessim-optimist]

I have read somewhere that often a pwBPD in their 30s has a body (inside - the wear and tear) of a 60 year old! I have also read that there are often very real physical problems that pwBPD have (BPD and illness somehow go together), and also that pwBPD are sometimes EXTREMELY sensitive to pain.

So, a lot of what we experience with our kids may be valid - from the above points.

But I have personally observed that my usd32 uses illness/injuries (both imagined, or exaggeration of real ones) to get attention when she feels left out.

... .  She loved the attention and always downplayed if anyone else got ill or sick.  She would say "oh, he's faking it" . . as blood was oozing out of her brothers knee! ... .  

... .  the negative experiences at the ER helped curb the many, many, visits for which I am grateful and I am grateful to say that the migraines are gone and so is the addiction... .  

I can SO identify! The downplaying of others' pain/illness, AND the fact that certain illnesses seem to go away, when the attention/satisfaction factor is missing.

They need to be recognized in a balance of facts and emotions (wise mind).  Ignoring or responding in an invalidating way (medium chill) will almost guaranty further attention seeking behaviors until they are validated. 

I totally agree. The trick is to find the balance (to be validating and at the same time not re-inforcing the behavior)

[nickyg]

Very interesting reading.  My ud 23 is still sick a lot.  Not helped of course by bulimia and alcohol.

She had a lot of accidents when she was very little so she is definitely accident prone.  She had about 5 sets of stitches before she was 5. 

She didn't like school and was often home with a stomach ache.  It was so hard to tell when it was real and when it was just wanting to stay home.  One day I sent her to school because the teacher was hassling me that she was faking it and she had chicken pox! 

Anyway, she dislocated her shoulder when she was about 10 which completely freaked me out, can't remember how she did it the first time.  I've done mine as well so I knew about the pain and it definitely got my attention.  However, she started dislocating her shoulder almost daily at school and I would be called up to go and help her.  It would be still out when I got there and I learnt some strategies from watching doctors for getting it back in.  It was absolutely gut wrenching and I suspected she knew how to dislocate her shoulder at will.  Later she did it once at work when she was about 18, I had to go pick her up.   Thank god she hasn't done it for a while but there is still a lot of illness and pain.

Another thing I remember vividly was when she was around the 10 as well I think.  She developed a mystery tummy ache which was so painful I took her to ER.  they suspected she had appendicitis but when they operated there was nothing.  She was in hospital for about 5 days and I was going spare as I'd just started a new job and felt really torn between seeing her and working.

Oh what a hard and confusing road it can be.  My thoughts are with you all as I write this because I can so relate to what you are going through.  I like the idea of validation, even though I don't know huge amounts about it.  It is obviously not an easy life for our kids and so hard to know how to help but I guess taking most things at face value (i.e. believing they are feeling that way) is all we have.

Take care, one day at a time.

NickyG