Wonder how this will play out

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Stbx's excuse for not attending to our kids medical needs is that she couldn't afford it. She just traded her (marital asset) vehicle in on a new one.A fairly expensive one,so she needed financing also. In her financial state,she would have had to file for bankruptcy and then financed the vehicle.(There goes the paying half her debts.Thanks!)

I figure her payment is about half of cs for 2.Still living in low income housing.Nothing illegal about it,but I don't think that's going to look good.

No custody decree,no temp hearing,only a standing order,which did state to not transfer,sell,hide,etc.,, any marital asset.My atty says her trading the vehicle is no big deal,but that she can't argue not being able to afford the medical when she's out financing a new vehicle.

I just requested her half of part of medical and got the response that she "doesn't have the money".

[marbleloser]

Stbx's excuse for not attending to our kids medical needs is that she couldn't afford it. She just traded her (marital asset) vehicle in on a new one.A fairly expensive one,so she needed financing also. In her financial state,she would have had to file for bankruptcy and then financed the vehicle.(There goes the paying half her debts.Thanks!)

I figure her payment is about half of cs for 2.Still living in low income housing.Nothing illegal about it,but I don't think that's going to look good.

No custody decree,no temp hearing,only a standing order,which did state to not transfer,sell,hide,etc.,, any marital asset.My atty says her trading the vehicle is no big deal,but that she can't argue not being able to afford the medical when she's out financing a new vehicle.

I just requested her half of part of medical and got the response that she "doesn't have the money".

[ComoLu]

I don't know how it will play out for you, but this is what happened with me.  We were not able to negotiate a settlement, so we had to go in front of the judge who decided everything.  First we had discovery.  I had to prove how I spent every penny... . bank records, credit cards, expenses, normal bills, everything back to the date of separation.  In court because I was the one requesting support, we went over everything of mine with a fine tooth comb because my uexBPDH challenged everything including the inheritance I received after he left and our grandchildren's college fund which is in my name.  I came out ok because I don't waste money and had kept marital assets separate from my other funds clearly and cleanly. 

My advice is to document everything, especially communication with your ex, income and spending.  Make sure you have all of your records from at least a few months prior to your separation and be prepared to explain any changes.  Make a list of what you want/need from your ex, especially regarding your children, and cover it with your lawyer, so you can realistically know what to expect from a legal staNPDoint. Try to get your settlement negotiated without using a judge or save every penny for legal fees.  Either way, try to get everything you need included in your settlement, so you don't have to go back to court for clarification.  I have spent a small fortune.  If you do have to let the judge decide, pray you get someone fair and reasonable.  Otherwise you could have problems.  If you are prepared and she isn't, you may have the outcome you want.  Good luck.

[marbleloser]

Thanks ComoLu! I'm a stickler for details and documentation,so I've got that covered. I don't care about the new purchase.Not a smart financial move,but that's how she's always been.My problem is our kid doing without medical needs while with her because of her self centeredness.

[sanemom]

Thanks ComoLu! I'm a stickler for details and documentation,so I've got that covered. I don't care about the new purchase.Not a smart financial move,but that's how she's always been.My problem is our kid doing without medical needs while with her because of her self centeredness.

I would get used to that... . it is likely she will NOT be taking care of his medical.  :)H"s BPD ex has only paid her half of a copay ONE TIME IN NINE YEARS, and they have three kids.  It's good ammo for the judge in terms of showing a pattern, though.  

[marbleloser]

I am used to it.Our kid has serious,ongoing medical needs that have been neglected,though.

It's documented by 3rd party.That's the reason I'm seeking primary.

It's not just co-pays for normal illness.Her excuse is affordability,although she has had the means to afford it,but chose to do otherwise.So,I'm documenting the pattern of this.

[ComoLu]

We just have to keep fighting and trying to do the right thing and pray that it goes our way.  It is the only way we can save the children.  They always suffer most of all.  My grandson had to have therapy because he was acting out in school and at home after my x deserted us.  Neither my x nor my grandson's stepfather would take any responsibility, so I paid even though I was hard pressed to afford it.  He is doing much better now, and the money was well spent.  We have to have hope.

[scraps66]

Sounds like unexplainable self-destruction at the expense of the child.  Or, creating drama and chaos because that is more "comfortable" for a BP.  When things are "normal" it seems BPs just don't know what to do.

Good luck and do what's right for your child as your motivation.

[marbleloser]

Thanks scraps! It's her entitlement mentality.Her wants before the childrens needs.If she had purchased a reasonable used vehicle,I wouldn't have said a word and a judge wouldn't have either.Right now my atty is requesting the financing documents.