what do now dd saw something that made think i think she is BPD

[somuchlove]

Been with my dd.  She is really having a huge scary time worrying about custody of her. Little one her other two.  Not sleeping sometimes historical almost.  She letting us help but still looks at things in typical way.  Anyway I left. She was using my computer. When I got back she ask do u think I have BPD.  Said she saw something on my computer.   Not sure what unless some how she saw an email I made to a therapist about possibly getting her some help in dealing with all of this.  My answer to her was I am worried about you and trying to figure out how I can help.  From that moment on she became perfect dd.  Speaking deliberate ex. No worries I know I have to not be emotional,  yes mother I appreciate what you are doing,  that was how it was . we had to leave to drive back home quite a distance however I am going back in a few days.  Not sure what do do.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

Do you think she found this website and read your post? My dd stalks me and maybe she read something about herself? I am not sure need to do anything other than project your privacy... .

[somuchlove]

No I am sure she didn't find web site. I don't think. Just wonde r how to talk if she says something or if I should bring it up.  However maybe she will eventually realize she fits some of it and can work on it

[six]

why are you afraid of her knowing that you think she has it?

My son gets mad on the rare ocasion when I mention BPD

he does not like to think that he has it

but I think it is important for him to know that I disagree

when he is finally ready to address his issues, I feel that it will be helpful for him to at least have an idea of where to start looking for help

[jellibeans]

somuchlove

I think if she brings it up then I would discuss it with her. Do you think that is possible without her getting upset or angry? I think it is interesting the way she responded to you afterwards... . I think is has given her something to think about anyway... . I see it as an opportunity to help her and suggest therapy etc... .

[qcarolr]

  Not sure what unless some how she saw an email I made to a therapist about possibly getting her some help in dealing with all of this.  My answer to her was I am worried about you and trying to figure out how I can help.  From that moment on she became perfect dd.  Speaking deliberate ex. No worries I know I have to not be emotional,  yes mother I appreciate what you are doing,

Wow - validation in action  Seems you DD is opening up to making her life different. Doors have opened within her. I see this in her leaving the bad living situation she was in. I see this in her reaching out to you for concrete help as SHE SOLVES HER OWN PROBELMS. She is not looking to you for solutions, only for love and support. You are doing this for her. Your answer was perfect for that moment.

Yes, she will most likely have some bad days. She is in a very difficult situation that generates lots of fears. You being there for her in such constuctive ways seems to be helping her find the strength she has inside herself. Maybe ask her how she thinks you can best help. Let her lead the conversation and move on before the temptation to give advice overtakes you. I am not so good and this stopping place.

I would not bring this up again. If she brings it up then you might ask her some questions that assist her in thinking it out.

You are always in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself too.

qcr    

[somuchlove]

I do feel she has made some tough choices.  Taking responsibility.  I will be going back for a few days so will be interesting what she brings up.  She got so much worry on her mind that I hope this doesn't add to her worries.  Like great I really know now my family thinks I am crazy.  However she does need our support so hopefully we will be able to help now that she is closer.  Thanks for the reminder to listen listen listen.  If she brings it up I hope I can handle it right.  I need to rehearse or know what to  NOT SAY.   

It was interesting how she reacted.  Don't know if she thought how crazy she had been coming across to us.  I don't want to add to this horrible stuff she's going through but she has to be accountable as well.

[vivekananda]

good luck somuchlove. Don't forget your validation skills  .

Vivek