Do they tend to hang out with other mentally unstable people?

[LivingTheNightmare]

I've been doing some thinking, and I have this feeling that my ex's best friend (female) would encourage her to move on and treat me like crap a lot, especially seeing how she would treat her own exes (and how much she seems to hate men). She was always this 'strong' feminist who had a go at me a few times during our breakups, and blamed me for not leaving my ex alone... . only a few days after breaking up. She also has said to me that I am 'obsessed and need help'... . in fact it's almost as though her treatment of me runs parallel to my exes. She even tried to apologize after one breakup when we had reconciled, and said she never thought ill of me and looked forward to going out for a drink with us in the future...

The weird thing is that although the 3 of us have hung out many times, whenever my ex paints me black, so does her friend... . in fact recently I tried talking to this woman in the hopes of clearing some of the confusion up, seeing as I had known her for the entirety of my relationship, and some of the things SHE was coming back with were absolutely disgusting! Things like how I was 'pathetic' and it was 'no wonder she left me'. And that the reason she left was because I didn't satisfy her sexually and she's much happier now and would never go back to someone as small as me... . I mean seriously, where did all of that come from? :s

Now I know she could just be a flaky friend who backs her bestie up on everything... . but a part of me wonders if they're such good friends because they can relate so much, and perhaps her friends craziness is stimulating my exes? How could this woman, who had seen how I treated my ex, not have any empathy for the position I was in? She is herself insecure and obviously get's through the day by belittling others... . narcism perhaps?

Perhaps she is naive, and it was my ex who spun this story to her to make her turn on me, but in my gut it feels almost like the two were validating each others issues and that she was the one who would tell my ex to forget about me and find someone to rebound with... . she is that sort of person. She also drinks a lot and encourages my ex to do the same when her and I are broken up. She has never had any remorse for me either... . it's like every breakup has been an excuse to get my ex drunk and hook her up with another guy, despite the fact that this woman should be able to see our relationship from an outside perspective. In those times when it feels like our relationship meant nothing to my ex, there's no respect for it from her friend either... . doesn't that seem a bit strange?

And her other friends, the ones that she was closer to when we met, she doesn't want anything to do with now... . is it just coincidence that those are the friends who used to tell her that she was silly for breaking up with me?

So what do you guys think on this one? Is she a typical 'bhity' best friend? Or do you think she has some issues herself? I definitely noticed that as they got closer, my ex would get more defensive towards me, and she used to tell me how much she looked up to this girl, that she 'wished she was as strong as her'... . my response was that her best friend had no respect for men, and that she didn't want to be like that... . I pointed out that this woman does not have even one ex that she's on good terms with. That she wasn't strong, she's just overly feminist... . my ex would agree when I said that, but I don't think she believed it. She would respect that this woman held the power in her relationships, and that she 'wouldn't let a guy f**k her over' or 'let her guard down'.

Is it crazy to think that these two are like peas in a pod, as it were? That being around her has helped validate her insane thoughts and given her the strength to push me away, and keep me away, for longer each time? Surely if one BPD/Narcissist is bad, two is even worse? :s

Between her best friend (who only really became her best friend about half way through our relationship, which is also when the problems got worse) and her new guy, it seems like she's surrounding herself with unsavoury characters and I can't for the life of me work out how or why these people are more important to her than me... .

Thanks again guys, and sorry for the multitude of questions!

[charred]

Interesting question. You pointed out it could be her best friend just backing her up on things... I suspect that is 1/2 right... the other 1/2 is that the dramatic venting is usually to a friend... . so you get on your pwBPD's bad side and the friend is likely to get the most outrageous, intense version the pwBPD can come up with... . and is inclined to support her friend anyway, so you get ganged up on.

Attachment theory kind of hits on what you were asking... do they hang out with other mentally unstable people... . typically the impression of what love is, and interacting is set very early in kids... and they react most to those that match the view they have. So... someone from a disordered house tends to look for and get an electric reaction from someone who also has the kind of traits and interactions they are used to. I think that is why pwBPD tend to be attracted to people with some kind of attachment issues themselves... . and I suspect you are on to something with them having an attraction to disordered people for friends as well.

My exBPDgf made tons of surface connections with people... . like a slick used car salesman... . only had a few close connections at a time and typically would dump, cut and run from them if she was confronted about her outrageous behavior or lies. I certainly had the same experience of being ganged up on by her girlfriends... . who bought every word she said... . or were suddenly out of her life.

Must be a terrible way to live.

[LivingTheNightmare]

Ay, of course I would expect her to take my exes side... . but after being around me, us... . I would not expect the sheer rudeness from her :s

If i were in her position, and had thought nothing negative or seen nothing negative of my mates girl, and they broke up... . no matter what he told me about her, if she contacted me in a genuine way I would give her the benefit of the doubt... . in this case it really feels like her best friend has almost as little grip on reality as she does :s

I get the impression that they both view men and relationships in a similar way, and as I said before I know that her friend is highly insecure, masked by a front of 'girl power, I don't give a crap what you think of me' attitude. It makes you wonder how much she has contributed to the problem... . if she has a lot of the same issues as my ex, that validation could go a long way to screw things up... .