Reaching out

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Last week I contacted a therapist that specializes in BPD - not for her, but for myself, so I could deal with my own issues about it. I was promised a call back in 24 hours. Four days later, they returned my call saying they couldn't take my insurance!

Yesterday I kept an appointment with a psychiatrist set up by my doctor. He met with me for 20 minutes, during which he went over the different medications available to treat my "depression." If I wanted "talk therapy" with a psychologist, he'd make a referral. Now I have to wait another 2-3 weeks just to talk to someone!

On the upside, things have been a lot calmer, mostly because (not to pat myself on the back) I am much more aware of what BPD is (thanks to this board mostly). I've found how powerful validation can be; it really pulls her back from the edge, though there were some pretty iffy moments when it could have gone either way.

My biggest concern is her recent splitting of my business partner, a guy I've worked with for ten years. According to her, he is the devil in disguise and once she said it may come to the point where it's either him or her. This has happened over and over in our relationship, until I have no close friends left and don't talk to my family. I've told him that she is upwBPD and I have no intention of ending our business relationship.

Another very sad development is I caught her in another lie, one that was obviously meant to manipulate me. What blows my mind is I think this kind of thing has been going on for years and I didn't have a clue. I always viewed her as the most honest person I had ever met (in fact, she brags about how honest she is all the time - maybe this should have been my first clue? Honest people don't feel the need to brag about their honesty?) I feel betrayed and used and I obsessively think about all those "bombshells" she dropped throughout our marriage, wondering which were false. Did her ex really beat her mercilessly while they were married? Did this or that person actually say or do the things she claimed? I've been isolated for so long, she has been my only source of information and could lie with near impunity. I guess this is the "crazy-making" part of BPD.

Anyway, thanks for reading. My immediate goals are these:

Therapy

End the isolation

Practice SET and DEARMAN to help her regulate

Continue to develop and practice keeping boundaries

[yeager1003]

Last week I contacted a therapist that specializes in BPD - not for her, but for myself, so I could deal with my own issues about it. I was promised a call back in 24 hours. Four days later, they returned my call saying they couldn't take my insurance!

Yesterday I kept an appointment with a psychiatrist set up by my doctor. He met with me for 20 minutes, during which he went over the different medications available to treat my "depression." If I wanted "talk therapy" with a psychologist, he'd make a referral. Now I have to wait another 2-3 weeks just to talk to someone!

On the upside, things have been a lot calmer, mostly because (not to pat myself on the back) I am much more aware of what BPD is (thanks to this board mostly). I've found how powerful validation can be; it really pulls her back from the edge, though there were some pretty iffy moments when it could have gone either way.

My biggest concern is her recent splitting of my business partner, a guy I've worked with for ten years. According to her, he is the devil in disguise and once she said it may come to the point where it's either him or her. This has happened over and over in our relationship, until I have no close friends left and don't talk to my family. I've told him that she is upwBPD and I have no intention of ending our business relationship.

Another very sad development is I caught her in another lie, one that was obviously meant to manipulate me. What blows my mind is I think this kind of thing has been going on for years and I didn't have a clue. I always viewed her as the most honest person I had ever met (in fact, she brags about how honest she is all the time - maybe this should have been my first clue? Honest people don't feel the need to brag about their honesty?) I feel betrayed and used and I obsessively think about all those "bombshells" she dropped throughout our marriage, wondering which were false. Did her ex really beat her mercilessly while they were married? Did this or that person actually say or do the things she claimed? I've been isolated for so long, she has been my only source of information and could lie with near impunity. I guess this is the "crazy-making" part of BPD.

Anyway, thanks for reading. My immediate goals are these:

Therapy

End the isolation

Practice SET and DEARMAN to help her regulate

Continue to develop and practice keeping boundaries

[Surnia]

Hi yeager

Your goals are 

Sorry to hear that you need some patience to find a T.

About SET and DEARMAN: They are great tools, to explore them, the Staying board could be the better place than here on Undecided.

Keep going!