Being pushed away...

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi all.  I've been here before, and if you want some extra background, I have this post:  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=204765.msg12306983#msg12306983

After my GF (alcoholic and borderline personality disorder) moved out of my house, she moved into an apartment 5 minutes down the road.  We decided to stay together even though we were living apart, and things were looking up.  She wasn't drinking, she was working, etc. 

Since then there have been a few incidents.  She has admitted to drinking a few times, didn't make appointments to get her meds which resulted in a trip to the ER to get scripts, etc.  Beyond that, the relationship has been pretty bad.  We've drifted apart, haven't had sex since she got the new place, rarely see each other... .

It started becoming apparent to me that when she *did* want to see me, it almost always included her needing a favor.  To be driven somewhere, or to bring her something, etc.  Maybe it was just me, but that was the impression I got.

After noticing this, I started saying no when she wanted me to come to her job to bring her something.  I also noticed she started canceling times when we were supposed to hang out *after* work.  That happened last night.

Today, she told me she thought we should take some time apart.  She said directly that *I* don't have time for *her* and so on.  Basically, she implied that our not seeing each other was my fault.  When I mentioned that she was the one cancelling dates, she said, "You're too easy to push away.  You don't have time to deal with me.  I need a babysitter."  And so on in that fashion.

I'm like 99% sure she was also implying that she has been drinking more regularly.

Anyway, I tried to talk to her about it, but she's not having any of it.  I told her I'd come over tonight, and she said she doesn't want to see me and that she is "busy."  (Drinking?)  Oh, and on top of all this, she just texted me to say that "of course we're still on for tomorrow though," (for a movie we planned on seeing) as if none of this is happening.

I'm feeling like maybe I should just let her push me away and take the "time off" that she wants.  I'm just afraid she wants to pull away because she is feeling self-destructive, and it might result in some bad things happening... .

[onipar]

Hi all.  I've been here before, and if you want some extra background, I have this post:  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=204765.msg12306983#msg12306983

After my GF (alcoholic and borderline personality disorder) moved out of my house, she moved into an apartment 5 minutes down the road.  We decided to stay together even though we were living apart, and things were looking up.  She wasn't drinking, she was working, etc. 

Since then there have been a few incidents.  She has admitted to drinking a few times, didn't make appointments to get her meds which resulted in a trip to the ER to get scripts, etc.  Beyond that, the relationship has been pretty bad.  We've drifted apart, haven't had sex since she got the new place, rarely see each other... .

It started becoming apparent to me that when she *did* want to see me, it almost always included her needing a favor.  To be driven somewhere, or to bring her something, etc.  Maybe it was just me, but that was the impression I got.

After noticing this, I started saying no when she wanted me to come to her job to bring her something.  I also noticed she started canceling times when we were supposed to hang out *after* work.  That happened last night.

Today, she told me she thought we should take some time apart.  She said directly that *I* don't have time for *her* and so on.  Basically, she implied that our not seeing each other was my fault.  When I mentioned that she was the one cancelling dates, she said, "You're too easy to push away.  You don't have time to deal with me.  I need a babysitter."  And so on in that fashion.

I'm like 99% sure she was also implying that she has been drinking more regularly.

Anyway, I tried to talk to her about it, but she's not having any of it.  I told her I'd come over tonight, and she said she doesn't want to see me and that she is "busy."  (Drinking?)  Oh, and on top of all this, she just texted me to say that "of course we're still on for tomorrow though," (for a movie we planned on seeing) as if none of this is happening.

I'm feeling like maybe I should just let her push me away and take the "time off" that she wants.  I'm just afraid she wants to pull away because she is feeling self-destructive, and it might result in some bad things happening... .

[onipar]

Just got off the phone with her.  She has in fact been drinking all week, and was drinking while I spoke to her.  She sounds as if she's completely given up.

[eeyore]

Try to take some deep calming breaths.  She will push you away and then pull you back in.  That is her nature.  Could you just take it easy and try to let her work it out.  What do you want to do?