Almost 1 yr out.

[sfbayjed]

I haven't posted on here in awhile now but some of you may remember my story. I would like to provide an update.  Things have really changed for the better, I have the kids 80% of the time, I have a decent job now, have the kids in afterschool care until I get off work. I found a new place to live, kids have their own rooms, kids on the street to play with.  Quite amazing compared to 9 months ago.  It is still not easy, still have my moments, it is difficult sometimes, the kids and I both have a bit of PTSD, and when  the kids go with her for the weekends their behavior is very difficult for a couple of days after they get back.

I have to go back to court because the ex filed a motion seeking sanctions based on a bunch of stuff she simply fabricated and has no proof of because they never happened.  I recall how much it use to bother me when she would lie and make things up, accusing me of things. It doesn't bother me like that anymore, which I think is a great victory.  Now it is just kind of annoying and cost me in missed work and lawyer cost. I am confident the judge will see through her lies again.  So I think I have come a long way.   

I am trying to get the kids back into therapy but it's been hard finding anyone,  the last two wont see us anymore because their are afraid of the Ex suing them and/or causing trouble. She made one of the kids therapist break down and cry.   

My ex makes parenting much harder for me and her motivation is clearing trying to engage me and make me look bad rather than doing what is best for the kids. Her behavior hasn't gotten any better, and I don't expect it ever will be.  It just doesn't affect me the way it use to.

For those of you who are not as far along, I would like to say that things too get better.  Hang in there. 

[Waddams]

First - congratz on the job and the improvements in life!  It's amazing how quickly that sort of thing can happen once we get the BPD craziness in our lives marginalized!  I'm glad the kids are in improved circumstances as well.

Regarding the next court case, can you show a pattern of her just trying to abuse you in every path possible and the case is just another path?  Bring up the thing with the T's in that vein?  She's still trying to isolate you and the kids by alienating the therapists?  I'm wondering if there's a legal basis/proof for sole custody for you, supervised visits for her, etc.

My ex- filed a frivolous lawsuit against me and we ended up settling and me getting several concessions from her in the process because she realized she was gonna have to go argue all her foolishness in front of a judge.  Sometimes they just don't think beyond the moment in their rage and they genuinely don't think about what happens when they have to get in front of the judge.

[livednlearned]

I haven't posted on here in awhile now but some of you may remember my story. I would like to provide an update.  Things have really changed for the better, I have the kids 80% of the time

Wow! I remember you sfbayjed. Weren't you being falsely accused of DV? How did you end up getting  80%?

I have to go back to court because the ex filed a motion seeking sanctions based on a bunch of stuff she simply fabricated and has no proof of because they never happened.  I recall how much it use to bother me when she would lie and make things up, accusing me of things. It doesn't bother me like that anymore, which I think is a great victory.  Now it is just kind of annoying and cost me in missed work and lawyer cost. I am confident the judge will see through her lies again.  So I think I have come a long way.   

Big hug to you for coming that far in such a short period of time. Sorry if I'm confusing you with someone else, but isn't your ex from a wealthy family and have a trust fund? Can you have your L ask that the ex covers your legal fees? I was awarded that in my last trial. Not sure I'll see the money any time soon, and it hasn't stopped N/BPDx from making us land back in court, but it tells me that the judge sees through the lies. Eventually, if N/BPDx doesn't comply, he is likely looking at jail time.

I am trying to get the kids back into therapy but it's been hard finding anyone,  the last two wont see us anymore because their are afraid of the Ex suing them and/or causing trouble. She made one of the kids therapist break down and cry.   

Maybe you could Google reunification therapists in your area? They tend to have more experience with high-conflict situations, and may have more insurance and expertise with people like your ex. And they might also have a better understanding about any alienation going on. How is your middle daughter doing? I think it was your middle D -- she was allying with your ex if I remember correctly.

[sfbayjed]

"can you show a pattern of her just trying to abuse you in every path possible and the case is just another path?"   - No I can no, I would not have been able to show that alone, however, my lawyer has done a very good job at exposing that.

I wouldn't  want supervised visits unless absolutely necessary, to weird for the kids,  I want tie breaker status and her time to be limited to relatively short durations, I would also like a therapist for the kids in place that she cant scare away, where the kids can build trust in and feel free to talk. What I am likely to get is a lot more court dates and drama, but still that is better than it was before.

I am very fortunate that the truth has come to light, and become slightly more and more obvious to everyone  as time passes.  My ex told the truth to several therapist, when we had a custody evaluation, we had 2, the evaluator spoke with the therapist.

If someone reading this is in a desperate situation, if you can hang on, get them into therapy to talk about it, someone else will know beside you.  This may or may not be good advice depending on your situation.   

Thank you for the tip on reunification therapist.