My "ex" hasn't punched me in the face yet, but she has said a number of times that she wants to real bad. She at least wants to knock out a tooth. Recently she threw a drink in my face at the restaurant we were eating at, then when we got outside she started hitting me on the arms.
After that she immediately started the false accusations by texting friends saying I hit her and threatened her life.
From what I've been reading here now that the relationship has escalated into physical abuse it's only going to get worse. If I am ever with her again I am in for a lot of trouble. Jail time? Severely beaten? Murdered? Anything seems possible.
So I ask myself, why do I want to be with this person so bad? Why can't I just run from her while I still have the chance? Why can't I let her go? I feel like a heroin junkie who knows what they are taking is bad for them and is going to kill them, but they do it anyway.
Yeah, exactly.
My criminal defense attorney told me that these things tend to ramp up. First there are harsh words, and that doesn't work - the aggressor doesn't get real happiness from calling you names or whatever. Maybe then property damage - my wife tore up all my sheet music - maybe an adrenaline buzz but it doesn't last. So it ramps up to threats, then mild physical stuff like punching you in the arm or throwing a drink in your face. Then maybe more violence. And then - worse than violence in my view - false accusations. I would rather be hit over the head with a frying pan than falsely accused of violence.
And yes, I think this has a lot in common with chemical addiction like heroin - for both parties. The aggressor is getting an adrenaline buzz, which triggers the brain's pleasure centers somewhat like drugs do. And we "nons" - those of us who stay in these relationships - we may not get a physical buzz, but we're getting something too - maybe we have a need for drama, or a need to be needed, or whatever - co-dependence is a cycle of self-destructive behavior just like the aggressor is going through.
Which is why professional help is usually worth while. I found a good counselor who helped me a lot. Plus peers (like here) and family and close friends, who may not have a clue but care.
