was this really a trigger?

[hellokitty4]

It has been a while... .my relationship with uBPD friend was smooth the last few months from basically using the tools and trying to keep some distance from her... .the most recent episode is so unbelievably stupid... .I am still shaking my head!  She recently replaced her phone with an iPhone and I helped her transfer her 2000+ pictures from her old phone to the new phone.  With her excitement in this new phone, I didn't get a chance to tell her that it is possible my job will require that I have one. On the same day she was learning how to use her iPhone, I was told at work that I have  to comply and switch from an Android to an iPhone.  Long story short, she concluded that i was copying her. A normal person would not have cared. But a person who acts like a child will act like one. She has not spoken to me and won't pick up my calls.  If she really is triggered by this... .this stupid thing... .I hate the phone I have and would happily go back to my Samsung Galaxy 3.  The toddler in her cannot understand why.

I will leave her alone... she will come around eventually.

[maxsterling]

I was about to reply "wow that's really weird" and then I remembered my dBPDgf said similar last night.

She went on and on about how she hates how women here wear pastels. "Who would ever look good in pastels?", she asked, and then went on to say how she hates it here because nobody dresses normal and that if she wore what she wore in New York she would stand out here.  I really could not follow what she was trying to say - was she upset because she is unique here?  Or was she upset because other people dress differently here?  All I could gather is that she was trying to make some kind of statement regarding fashion trends, but she was *really* upset about it - and it just seemed so illogical to get so upset about something that mattered so little, and something that really in no way affected her.

[Lady31]

Max,

I does relate to her.  It relates to her in that she is insecure about that.  I would guess most likely thinks she does not look good in them and other women do - to the point that she feels threatened.

[hellokitty4]

Yes... .it sure was a trigger.  She says that I am copying her... .never mind that I had explained that my company wanted me using an iPhone just like the other people in my position, and never mind that I told her that I don't like the iPhone and miss my S3.  I read this paragraph and find it ridiculous that we even argued about a phone!

She called me tonight to finally rage about it.  Her cycle is: gets something in her head, thinks about it for a couple of days while avoiding me and then blows up.  The iPhone was the trigger. In the conversation she said that she "feels like she's drowning" in other words... .suffocating.  I don't see how... .I don't ask to see her, I don't call or text a gazillion times a day. Everything she said she wanted changed because of the stupid phone. She doesn't want to be close yet she wants to know what I'm doing especially if I'm doing something with other people.  She doesn't want me giving her special treatment, yet that's what she asked me before. She feels like I want to know everything that she is doing... .just because sometimes ask her "how was your day?"  She does not trust me but says she loves me a lot. Always contradicting herself. Nuts!

She wants to be normal... .in my head I'm thinking... "but you are not!"

A normal friend would not overreact over a phone!

I decided to detach/distance myself as she obviously is feeling engulfed. Next thing I know she'll say this is not what she wanted.  Afterall BPDs do not know what they really want.

[letmeout]

Jealousy would always trigger my ex. Whenever anyone would get something he wanted, or he thought that someone was stealing his thunder (real or imagined) it would cause him to have childish tantrums.