It seems once a month there is some drama in his life...

[lovesjazz]

Our BPDs26 lives 2000 miles away. It seems once a month there is some drama in his life that he calls us about. Last month he claimed he was stabbed  in trying to save someone from an attack. He was not seriously hurt. Now he claims his room was broken into and his safe (didnt know he had one?) Was stolen.

I dont even get upset anymore because I dont believe him, or he brings these things on himself.

Its almost as if he cant stand peace in his life.

Does anyone know what this is about?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[twojaybirds]

A few weeks ago my dd's apartment (the one she told me she didn't have anymore) was broken into and EVERYTHING was stolen including the TV  (she had told me earlier she had moved this into her dorm room) her kitchen stuff (she had reported to me she had thrown all these away when she had given up the apartment)  the bed and leather couches  (she told me she had sold these).

It gets better, she told me she called the cops and they came out and fingerprinted her apartment and there were no fingerprints.

I was at the apartment 2 weeks ago (surprise visit)  the kitchen stuff, couches and bed are all there.


My dd always 'claimed' she hated drama and does not see at all how she creates it.

Let's see she had identity theft, lost debt cards, paychecks that were due to her and lost in the mail.

I too shrug my shoulders and realize it is all great foundation for a novel or a LIFEIME made for TV movies

[autumnfall]

Goodness, I had to chuckle when you said your dd always said she "hated" drama... .Exact same with mine!   Ever since Jr. High she said that and still does to this day, yet is always surrounded by it ... .of course all her "friends" drama - eventually I wised up and realized it was her creating it - not sure how she couldn't see it.  All her friends drawn to the drama that I blamed them for (one "best friend" attempted cutting and suicide/one shoplifted, one did drugs, another almost attempted suicide, "... .It was all due to HER... .she was the ring leader, even the shoplifting (she got arrested but she was only 17 then, ) but it woke me up! 

Question as you both meniton the "fabrications" you seem to deal with in your adult children - I find "lying" very unaccreptable in our family structure, and quite sensativce about it as their father could be classified as a "pathalogical liar".  How did you come this "peace" about their drama and fabrications to quit calling them on it?  Should I be more accepting of her fabrications?   

[lovesjazz]

From what I understand, not reacting is more effective than calling them on it. They just get very defensive and the explosions start. He texted us about the "break in". We never responded.

If he calls and starts talking about it, we will just say... .that's tough... .must be awful for you.

Anything other than that will cause distress on both sides. Just validate his feelings. BPDs like to be the victims.

[Rapt Reader]

My dBPDson36 had a lifetime of drama, beginning around 19 or so (after getting out of high school, and moving out of town to go to college). Important belongings stolen (electric guitar, good bike, all his video & cd collections, TV, etc.) from apartments, or dorm rooms. Money actually stolen from him personally by force. Etc. Etc. Etc. (you get the picture). He flunked out of 3 colleges.

My husband and I couldn't believe how unlucky or accident-prone he was. His younger, non-brother never had an incident like this. Ever. His life went smoothly: graduated H.S. with honors, went to a great 4-year college on lots of scholarships, got a wonderful job in the big (and I mean BIG) city, married a gorgeous wife, and now has a beautiful baby. His life isn't perfect (wife turns out to be uBPD), but he's doing really well. No big tragic events.

After his last suicidal ideation (of maybe 4 or 5) this past February, he ended up in the Psych Ward of our local hospital, and then subsequently ended up in a 21-day inpatient Dual Diagnosis Center where he was finally diagnosed with BPD. Now that he's in treatment, and is 8 months clean and sober (self-medicating regularly since age 19), he admits to everything.

His "bad luck" and everything else was related to drugs: wanting drugs, trying to figure out how to pay for drugs, finding drugs, being on drugs, hanging out with druggies, trying to get off of drugs and failing at those times. Of course, if you dig deeper, the drugs were due to self-medicating to try to "fix" the BPD on his own without a diagnosis or proper treatment. But, in his case, the dramas were real (as in not made up), and everything he would tell us about actually happened.

Now that he's been sober, in treatment, and living life in recovery, the dramas have magically disappeared! He doesn't talk about any, we don't see any (he's living with us, so we know what his life is like for real), he isn't dealing with any. He's so thrilled with this drama-free life that he marvels in it! It doesn't hurt us, as his parents, either