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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Fear of change?  (Read 439 times)
Iwilldecide

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 31


« on: October 20, 2013, 11:26:13 PM »

My BPD boyfriend and I have been together for a year now. We met when we were both married and I'm now divorced and his divorce is in process. It's a long story but he being bp moves at a turtles pace and I just wonder if he will ever be able to actually cut the cord? Moving out has been difficult for him. He's very attached to his home and to his lifestyle. I find with him that when I push for anything he tends to do the opposite so getting my way requirese me to be calm and still and unquestioning but I guess I'm wondering if he will actually be able to do it and make change in his life and go through with this divorce.  He's never lived alone and so although he wants to he can't just Jump to my house without dating me for 8 months unmarried as I have children. Any thoughts on BPDs making change in their life? I can see his executive decision making tends to lead him in the wrong direction though I know he loves me desperately and wants to be with me.
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Surnia
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: 8 y married, divorced since 2012-11-22
Posts: 3900



« Reply #1 on: October 21, 2013, 01:00:23 PM »

I think you are on to something here about the ability to make changes or not.

I read recently the book "Stop caretaking the BPD and the NPD" (more about it here) and there is chapter about changes. The author advices to announce changes very early and repeat it often... .

It was a light bulb for me. It is exactly what my exh needed. Even little things (in my eyes) were causing a lot of stress for him when not announced very early.
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