renewing child's relationship with BPD parent

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My on again, off again relationship with my BPDex is over.  He has a new relationship, and I'm dating.  However, as part of his new relationship, he doesn't want to see our daughter.  As a matter of fact, he is very angry at her, and jealous of my relationship with her. "She loves you"  "she's affectionate to you" "she doesn't want me" "I'm a trigger to her" etc etc etc.  He calls her spoiled, that I "ruined" her.  And she says the same about him. 

However, they both cry about missing each other.  They both blame me for not seeing each other.  I've arranged for a short one hour long visit next week with supervision.  I'm extremely nervous about this event.  She tends to be aggressive and rude, and he tends to explode in response. 

Should I just let this relationship die or encourage them to communicate with each other on a limited scale?

[LynnieRe]

My on again, off again relationship with my BPDex is over.  He has a new relationship, and I'm dating.  However, as part of his new relationship, he doesn't want to see our daughter.  As a matter of fact, he is very angry at her, and jealous of my relationship with her. "She loves you"  "she's affectionate to you" "she doesn't want me" "I'm a trigger to her" etc etc etc.  He calls her spoiled, that I "ruined" her.  And she says the same about him. 

However, they both cry about missing each other.  They both blame me for not seeing each other.  I've arranged for a short one hour long visit next week with supervision.  I'm extremely nervous about this event.  She tends to be aggressive and rude, and he tends to explode in response. 

Should I just let this relationship die or encourage them to communicate with each other on a limited scale?

[Forward2free]

How old is your daughter?

In my opinion... .I think that all you can do is encourage your daughter to be respectful and civil. "I know you don't like daddy sometimes, but it's not okay to say mean things to him."

When we respect other people's opinions, even if we don't agree with what they are saying, it shows that you are listening. Teaching her empathy and respect is more about teaching her the right life skills, and not about not trying to make dad mad... .eggshells etc.

If their relationship is volatile, maybe suggest active visits like the movies or a park so that they don't need to sit and be in each other's space.

A child's relationship with both parents is an important part of who they are. They will both have their own opinions about how the relationship will or wont develop, but you can't make them see each other. It's about them both being ready to try - at the moment it seems they are both blaming you for how things aren't working which is a nasty place to be for you.

[LynnieRe]

Since I wrote that post, we have returned to visit approximately one hour per week.  It's dinner, it's a board game, it's video game time with her 1/2 brothers.  Her brothers adore her, so the "supervisor" is unfortunately me.  It would be that, or the therapist, or my lawyer.  all of which I'd have to pay for.  She is permitted to say anything she wants about him in therapy, but she is not permitted to disrespect him to his face or to me.  She is also not permitted to be rude or disrespectful to her brothers who have the same father and have their own coping mechanisms.  Every once in a while because of my work schedule, we skip a week.  She feels she has some control over "coming or going."  Also, I do not include him in every detail of our lives, he does not come to my house anymore, we visit him at his mother's house.  She has also stated she does not want to meet or have anything to do with any of his GF and I have honored that. 

[Matt]

How old is your daughter?