How should I tell Her about Her BPD?

[Maro12]

Dear All,

So I just recently found out that all ":)rama" and not normal extreme behaviours of my gf is actually BPD. Now I understand in better, but what I can do more?

Now I am thinking to communicate to her about BPD, but I am sure I can not do it directly. As all BPDs as I read, she is oversensitive for any small sign of criticism. Telling her she has BPD directly would trigger another anger attack and rage, telling me I am sick not Her, etc. etc.

So what is the way to start to talk with Her about it? How to start to communicate about it?

Regards,

Maro12

[Dr.Me2]

Don't do it yourself!

Find a 3rd party. Preferably someone in a position of professional authority to break the news.

Do not tell her yourself. You are not to deliver these news, find a qualified T.

Insight (as Dr. Amador puts it, when making a patient aware of its illness) is a very delicate matter that can back fire if not carefully delivered.

[Surnia]

Hi Maro

and welcome here.

I think the best you can do is first of all try some communication tools, mainly validation. And see how it works.

About speaking with someone about BPD, we have a workshop on this topic. PERSPECTIVES: Telling someone that you think they have BPD.

I personally would not do it. I would perhaps suggest in some specific occasions things like: What about reaching out for a professional to speak about your ... .(anxiety, depression, anger)?

[letmeout]

Yep, when I told my ex that he needed help, he started projecting everything onto me, that I was sick and needed help, etc... .

He never would admit to his behaviors at all. 

[ogopogodude]

if one has the urge to tell their significant other about the affliction that they have, … and it is what the surmise it is (BPD), … the above posts are absolutely bang on. Get a third party to inform them of the BPD. Do not do it your self. This is recipe for disaster.  But if one just cannot hold back, then do not use the phrase BPD. Nobody, … and I do mean nobody … wants to be given the diagnosis nor allocation of (and therefore the stigma of) a disorder of the personality. Use the phrase emotional regulation problem or disorder (ERD). 

[ogopogodude]

It is much more palatable to the afflicted person to talk about their problems of their regulation of their emotions rather than their piss-poor/flawed personality.

    I have always hated the phrase BPD. It is a horrible term. ERD is a much better phrase. Because it hits the situation right on the  head of the nail.

[nodoover]

I have always heard we should never tell them so I haven't.  He won't go for counseling again or meds and he is high functioning so I just live with it.

I have wondered a few times if he has seen a few books I have read because he acted different after but never said anything.  I didn't leave out on purpose but a few times left in a hurry and was on bed.