Sweet memories

[smartwoman220]

Its Thanksgiving  here in the States.  And I have so much to be grateful for. My Life looks nothing  like it did a year ago. I am out of the DV program and into  my  own  townhouse.  New  furniture, brand  new job, and the ability to look at myself in a whole new light... I am smart, I am  funny,  I love me ( that's what really matters) and my son... .       he is everything   

It was funny, last night I curled up on my couch and  watched my favorite show. I was alone, which I had been avoiding since the last incident (I've been keeping company with a guy I 'm not really into, which I know  needs to stop, but that a  whole nother  story) because I been sinking into  my feelings. 

*** This is also the  first holiday I  have  been alone in 8 years. I'm single, and  my son is  with  his dad for Thanksgiving.***

And those memories, did creep up.  I thought about  how much  fun we had cooking last year, and how  him and  my son  fell asleep in my bed watching Mary Poppins, and how good it felt to  be up under him, and so in love.

And I was  thankful for those memories. They are a part of my life that I would not change, because those feelings were real. I was happy... .


And I'm happy now The memory came and  went, and I was peaceful, not sad or angry.  And it past like the other  thoughts I've had. And it was on to the next.


I am posting that  because, I actually  had to pause to take a check of myself afterward. I was so  proud of myself because there were no tears. No awful nagging  feeling on the pit of my stomach and no  awful longing for  him. I know now  that I can be free.  I'll have more memories added to  my memory bank,, and  time spent with others who will be able to love me.


Just wanted to  share how I feel, cause I'm floating right  now. Happy Holidays... .I'm off to house hop 

[Discovery]

mmm... .thanks for sharing... .helps me imagine that feeling like that IS possible in the future What helped you get there?

D

[smartwoman220]

I'm not really sure... .  I just had a really bad  spell after speaking  with  him and finding  out about my replacement. I had  had a few really bad days in the last two weeks, and a major  crying spell.  I went in to deep mourning  and  all of a sudden,the  fog lifted. 

I realized that  it has  been almost a year, and  we both should be ok.  Me sitting on my hands and wasting the  precious gift of the present  is silly.  I went out and spoiled myself like I  used to, and  decide I  would be happy this holiday season. It just clicked.

And I forgave him. Life just happens to us and sometimes its just not  our time. I tried to  force something  with him that  just didn't fit. If its meant for us to be... .then  we will, when and  if its ever right   I let  him go... .so I  could  be free to  find what  I  need for  me   

[Learning_curve74]

Your screen name is so apt, smartwoman indeed!