…
ugghh…
I’d begun to respond, then realized I had little to offer …then reread your post twice over... .
Thank you for sharing your experience, though in another place with my uBPDgf, it’s very helpful to be given insight as to how BPD’s function in a long-term r/s. And yes, the behavior’s you described feel so close to home, or, potentially close had I allowed myself to fall totally into my BPD’s original ‘desires’ of matrimony.
I’ve been reading more than posting lately ... .but found your experience such a well-rounded description of how BPD ‘works’ that I read portions of it to my daughter, also in college but for the moment sitting in my living room. She’s not a fan of my uBPDgf and finds my attraction to her beyond puzzling, if now increasingly troubling…
I suspect you’ve solid ‘allies’ in your children, I do. They’re mature enough to recognize their mother’s serious flaws and without a doubt your strength in hanging in there. With that, you’re surely free to make a break, perhaps with their blessing… My BPD experience (including multiple recycles) feels like a long process toward an unavoidable end, sorry to say. After starting out with what appeared to me (and I suspect believed by her) as true love … we’ve been on a downward spiral ever since. And as she’s often described her desire that we get married … little would change – other than I’d be spending the nights on her couch instead of my own bed at home…
I also appreciate your description of deriving more worth from employment than your marriage ... .or at least feeling appreciated by one as opposed to the other.
Quite telling. I spent ‘Stressgiving’ alone … planting fir trees on a hillside in the sun, then ventured to the ‘big city’ where I had a great time conversing with my sister’s SO, a mental health therapist. After tossing me his fifth edition DSM desk reference (a must have ), he described his method of diagnosing a pwBPD: “I’m drained – and need a drink!” He’s been very polite regarding my 2.5 year affair with said gf … but there’s defiantly pity in his eyes.
But I envision hope in yours – it sounds as if you’ve made the most of a very difficult if not impossible situation. And after such an effort, you’ve earned the right to make whatever call takes you into a positive future. If nothing else, you know what staying will entail. Yes, I admirer your candor ... and your journey gives me hope. There’s a spirit within you that I suspect we all fear might die from our toxic exposure to BPD… It sounds like you’ve run the gambit, and though not coming through unscathed – are at least emerging a wholesome person. And best of all, your children will inherit your strength.
Stay strong
