I was gas-lighted and didn't know it.

[Kadee]

I was once lured into going to a neurologist because he had me convinced that something was wrong with my brain. Had a brain scan and the whole deal, simply because my short-term memory was kaput. I know now, it was because I was so stressed and so much of an insomniac, living with this UstbxBPDh.

The light glimmered when he was upset that I refused to have a spinal tap to positively (or not) diagnose MS. At this point, my symptoms had subsided because I was on medication to help me sleep. And a new brain scan showed nothing different.

Now, nearly a year after the split, with no day-to-day contact, my memory is good, although I still need (a lower dosage) of the sleep meds, because not taking them causes nightmares (if I ever do, indeed, fall asleep).

Anybody relate?

[Waifed]

My ex used gaslighting on me majorly for the last 1-1/2 years of the relationship.  It was very subtle and because I was so deeply entrenched in the FOG I was slowly going crazy.  The one thing that really killed me was her constantly telling me that "we need to end this".  I would tell her to just leave but she would never go.  This was maddening. 

I believed that I was the problem and almost forgave her for cheating.  Luckily for me my mind would not let the trust issue go and I was forced to end it.  She continued gaslighting for another 2 weeks after we broke up, but I had already began to realize that something was majorly wrong with her.  It is amazing how crazy it can make you.  I lost boundaries, said things to her I would never say to anyone else (mean), had a very short fuse at work and sent out emails to her "friends" saying the meanest things about her. 

[Kadee]

yeah, I'm ending a 35 year marriage. Of course he thinks most of our problems were my fault. I used to take on some of the guilt, but after nearly a year with no day-to-day contact, I'm rethinking it all.

He thinks the reason we failed is because I refused to enforce the ridiculous punishments he put on the kids. That's it. The sole reason. He also blames me that his adult children want nothing to do with him.

I've decided that I'm guilty of a few things, not the things he wants me to be guilty of. And that's OK.

And I'm beginning to realize that I will never get the closure that I need. And that will have to be OK too.

[charred]

My exBPDgf had me convinced I was NPD... because when I thought about it I seemed to act meaner than normal with her... .but after seeing a T and having tests (i was about half normal on the N scale... not at all NPD)... it became clear that my secondary personality style is indeed NPD... and it only comes out when I am attacked/backed in to a corner... .which was what life with my pwBPD was like.  There is always a grain of truth to what they say to get you thinking you are the problem... .but its projection and more wrong than right. The grain of truth thing is what kept me unsure.


The think with my pwBPD... .she seemed to have to have some kind of drama/diversion/off-balancing going on all the time... .to keep me from getting centered and noticing the BS she was slinging (I think.)

Certainly was gas-lighted... .doubted myself in so many ways... and that wasn't like me. Have had after effects... .had a job interview for something I know well and bombed it on the technical interview... .in 30 yrs of doing what I do... thats never happened. It wasn't what I knew... it was my confidence... and that changed with my pwBPD.

Good luck. You are not alone.

[santa]

We've all been gas-lighted to some extent or another. Maybe not to the point of going to an actual doctor or therapist about it, but it's their best defense mechanism. They aren't crazy if it's you that's crazy, right?

[laelle]

My ex was always saying "How dare you need something from me?" I am sick, overworked, no money, missing home... blah blah blah. 

I was gaslit into hating myself for having needs.  I honestly thought myself selfish, and if I wasnt thinking it, he was thinking it for me.

It was me that always needed to change something about myself.  I wasnt good enough as I was.  ":)on't take this the wrong way Laelle, but you... .

(add any criticism here)... .SUCK!  You need to change.

Projection...  

[Iwalk-Heruns]

I was once lured into going to a neurologist because he had me convinced that something was wrong with my brain. Had a brain scan and the whole deal, simply because my short-term memory was kaput. I know now, it was because I was so stressed and so much of an insomniac, living with this UstbxBPDh.

The light glimmered when he was upset that I refused to have a spinal tap to positively (or not) diagnose MS. At this point, my symptoms had subsided because I was on medication to help me sleep. And a new brain scan showed nothing different.

Now, nearly a year after the split, with no day-to-day contact, my memory is good, although I still need (a lower dosage) of the sleep meds, because not taking them causes nightmares (if I ever do, indeed, fall asleep).

Anybody relate?

I can relate! They are masters at gaslighting.

As far as things subsiding after relationship. 2 things come to mind.

When we got back together after 2nd recycle I could not drink wine without getting all weepy. This really bothered him and he decided I needed to stop drinking wine. ( couldn't be that we got back together after he was in another relationship and he really wouldn't allow us to talk about it much at all. My obvious stress over it that I didn't even realize because I was so relieved to be back together. Cough, cough)  not a tear has been spilt over a glass of wine since.!

I had major major hot flashes from menopause that my doctor thought was odd wasn't over yet. Guess what subsided almost immediately after break up. Even with as upset as I was over everything. Have not had a one in 4 months! Been as cool as a cucumber. Yay!

I think the toll they take on us is not at all evident to us as we are going through it. We are so busy managing their emotions we lose sight of our own completely.