Why all the animosity?

[oblivian2013]

She filed for irreconcilable differences. She wants as much as she can get, which ain't much. I just want to get it over with. I told her a lot of very personal stuff, complete sexual history, etc., which I am afraid she will use against me in court. How should I prepare myself?

[ForeverDad]

There's little she could say that would interest a judge who just wants to get the divorce done.  Outing your romantic past doesn't have the impact that it did 50 years ago.  In the old days outing someone of having affairs were big issues, today they're ho-hum.  However, if she made allegations of abuse, that might be one way she would try to get leverage over you.  But that's about it.  So don't do or say anything that might lend credibility to any allegations she makes.  (A lawyer would advise you that you have a right to be silent.)

There is little or no risk of alimony, not with a marriage lasting less than 3 years before separation.  There are no children together and you probably didn't adopt each other's children, so no custody or parenting issues.

So most likely she's just using every angle she can to make you feel controlled, trapped and with no other choice than to do as she demands.  In short, entitled.

[marbleloser]

oblivian, alot of that is "lawyer speak". Her atty probably told her she's entitled to blah,blah,blah,so they got her charged up and threw everything in the filing. Doesn't mean she'll get it. It's a normal tactic to ask for the moon and settle for a little piece. If you don't fight it,she'll get it,just for asking,so make sure you fight back with your own atty.

[livednlearned]

It's hard, but try to think of it the divorce like a medical issue. Your past, the stuff she's threatening to say, it may not be relevant to your health, but there's a chance it is going to come out. Similar to when you get diagnosed and they want to know everything about you, whether it's related or not. Usually, that stuff never sees the light of day, and it's the same with divorce, especially in your situation with no kids and a short marriage.

It won't matter to a judge, but there are a few points in the divorce process when both sides get to claim what led to the dissolution of the marriage. If you file first, she will fill a counterclaim. That's where she's likely to put humiliating, embarrassing things. And that counterclaim is just a procedural step in the legal process. Judges don't read it, and most of it won't count, especially if you settle, which most people do. The same will happen if she files first -- she'll put a bunch of things in there to intimidate, humiliate, or try and control you. It's hard to see it this way, but it's just theater. When it's your life, it can feel awful, but most people know those documents are unreliable.

[Matt]

Any kids involved?

How long were you married?

In most states, there are guidelines for alimony, child support, and "division of assets".  In my state, for example, whatever you brought into the marriage, you probably walk away with, and what was accumulated during the marriage - assets and debts - those are more-or-less split.  There are worksheets to help you work through the math - it's more about math than emotions.

Similarly for alimony - mostly depends on how long you were married and each party's income.  Get the worksheet, fill it out, get your lawyer to check it, and that's probably how things will work out.  You can try  to get it better, or the other side might propose something to see if you'll agree, but the simplest way to do it is to get the worksheet, do the math, tell the other party, "This is what I'll agree to, or we can go to court." and let them decide.

No need for a big drama.  Ignore the other party's emotions, threats, etc. - as FD and everybody says, they're probably all irrelevant and will just drive up the lawyer's fees.