How does the BPD misinterpret words?

[SimplySeattle]

So my uBPD wife is very sensitive to the words I say and I'm trying to understand how the BPD thinks. For instance, if we are texting back and forth, and she disappears, I might ask, "Are you there?" And then, "You must be busy." She will misinterpret the you must be busy part as me saying. "You must be talking with other men." Really, she could be doing laundry, taking a nap, or doing housework, but she always seems to take things out of context.

Recently, she texted me that she missed her bus. I asked her when the next one will come, but she did not reply. Later, I see her back online again and I texted, "You must have made it home." Again, this has caused her some sort of problem since she did not reply = silent treatment. 

[pecia]

Hi My BPDh and I are texters to a fault. I have learned that if he cannot hear my voice or see my face - he will often interpret the tone of the text based on whatever mood he is in - not necessarily how I meant it. I have adapted what I say to him to include very descriptive sentences and emojis to convey my tone. If I say "are you home?" he is going to interpret it as b!tchy or questioning, as opposed to "Well hello there. are you home yet baby? :D." God bless the emoji keyboard on the iphone. I interpret things wrong to a degree also. Gotta be careful with that. Its like a pile of poop just waiting to get stepped in, especially with a BPD. Hope this helps  - pecia

[hergestridge]

Actually, as a "non" I think I can relate to your BPD wife here. It could be that she's a bit annoyed that you text all the time and expect her to reply instantly. I would interpret "You must have made it home" and "you must be busy" as "Where are you and why the hell aren't you answering my messages?". Was she angry when she got home? Or did you interpret the non-reply to your text as a silent treatment in inself?

Where did the "talk to other men" stuff come from? 

[maxsterling]

If my dBPDgf is in a negative mood, she tends to interpret everything as negative, in text message, email, or in person.  It could be a facial expression that sets her off, or even a natural or factual communication.  If it is not obviously validating, it's negative.  That's part of the splitting, there is no in-between, and no-neutral.  She's constantly looking at people as having an ulterior motive, or being "passive aggressive".  As an example, yesterday she said she thought our couple's counselor was "sexist" because in regards to marriage, the counselor said that her constantly discussing marriage with me is doing her no good, and that she should wait until I am ready.  My interpretation is that she was saying that she can't force me into being on the same page as her and that she has to manage her own life.  Of course she interpreted that as "women must wait for men to ask them", which she views as sexist.

She has described the root of this behavior to me before, or at least hinted upon it.  Her mom was very abusive, and growing up she needed to understand her mom's moods based upon actions and facial expressions.  Its a defense mechanism, a way of protecting herself. 

[maxsterling]

I will also add that texting seems to be a bad method for communicating with a BPD, too many chances for misinterpretation. 

[Cipher13]

Insert Quote

I will also add that texting seems to be a bad method for communicating with a BPD, too many chances for misinterpretation. 

I'd like to add my 2 cents to this by saying I totally agree with this.

I also agree with that BPD will interpret you text to what ever mood they are in.  You are better off making a call than texting. If you text be clear and use a lot of up lifting & loveing descriptive words. Now the part I can't fix or get my head around is the time from when my phone recieves the text to the time I  reply to it and she gets it. If this does not happen in predetermined time my BPDw has preset in her mind as acceptable the next text is "Hello?" Followed by "Why won't you respond".  Then it get worse from there. Doesn't seem to matter what the circumstance is... .work, driving, didn't hear it go off. Does not matter I needed to answer or bad things are going on. And by bad I mean of course I have to be having an affair.