Sigh... .I told that it was time. If she would not file for the divorced she has threatened for years I supposed that I would have to do so. It truly brought me no joy, but I did feel a sense of peace.
If you can get the paperwork together first, go ahead and file first. The time to be overly nice,overly fair and overly
whatever is long past. In marriage you do try to share and work together. If the marriage has imploded, stop worrying about the ex (the courts will be very, very sure to 'protect' the rights of ex far more than you can!) and don't share {confidential} information.
Now that she realizes you're serious, she wants to feel in control. Even if it legally doesn't matter, I ask, Why make it easy for her? Surely she will make wild allegations and demand everything and then you'd be someone on the defensive, why not make your statements first and then let her respond however she wishes?
When we separated (I filed a police report and the police drove her away) she lived in a battered women's home for a month or so called "the House of Peace". Yeah, right, I've seen paperwork that while there she complained about another woman there. Really, I recall the first night she was gone, the silence was thunderingly loud, so peaceful. I waited and waited, finally after over 4 months and no reconciliation I filed.
Of course once she accepted the new reality that her years of rages and mistreatment of everyone close to her had finally pushed me to where I never thought I would ever be, the splitting began immediately... .The days since then have been quite the roller coaster.
Same with me. The only time I've seen her behave better is when she wanted something or she had to look good to others or the court. Nothing sincere enough to really last.
Sadly he knows opposing counsel and knows they will be running the meter on this one. Sadly the financial idiocy I tolerated in my stbxw with her impulsive and reckless spending will continue as does not understand that they are very expensive shoulders to cry on and vent upon.
Typical advice here is to keep the case moving. Likely they will ask for the case to pause while they prepare offers or consider your offers. Instruct your lawyer to keep the case moving, don't cancel any hearings, evaluations, whatever. Keep it moving. Yes, there will be some delays and continuances but keep them to the base minimum. Remember, if she gets a favorable temporary order, then she will drag her feet as much as possible to prolong her benefits and delay any reductions. Oh and besides whatever else, she will try to retaliate and make you suffer.
For example, likely your auto insurance agency will require you to get your separate insurance policy since you now live elsewhere. That means she has to get her own policy too if she drives. That should be her cost, not yours, though I can imagine court could make you pay.
Another reason to divorce quickly is then medical insurance will have to be separate after the final decree. Yes, she can get COBRA if she chooses it, I believe for up to 18 months, but it's her responsibility then.
Does your wife work? Can she support herself? If not, then
from Day One you and your lawyer ought to ask in court for your ex to begin seeking a job, a career or else training for one. Even if you have to foot the bill (for up to two years) to complete career classes or college courses for certification or an initial degree, that is good long term. Yes, she can still fail to actually get a job but at least she can't claim to be unemployable and forever financially dependent on you. Then court would be more willing to IMPUTE an income for her when calculating any post-decree support you might have to give her. Courts these days are interested in the ex-spouses becoming less dependent on the other post-decree. It makes sure one isn't still dependent on the other and lets them go their separate ways. (And make potential alimony more likely to be either short term or set at a lower amount.)
Perhaps the thing I am most struggling with is not telling the stbxw what an idiot she is being as she tries to bandy about legal mumbo-jumbo about custody, implying that she has some type of legal swat team on call ready to file a pendente lite hearing and implying that I must somehow schedule visitation. Umm I think if they can drive the sons can decide the visitation issue themselves.
It's called,
voting with their feet. Little she can do about it. But she will still try to get it in her favor since proportion of overnights is generally a major factor in support calculations. If son rides the bus, do try to find a place within the school's area of service so that your son can attend school easily from either address. If you move too far away where it is harder for him to attend school from there, she may get official physical custody simply to assure he gets to school.
First, you likely can't tell her anything. She's not listening, right? Yes, you do have to communicate some things but
reasoning with her on many topics may be a lost cause. KISS - Keep It Super Simple. Stick to the businesslike issues at hand, keep emotions out of it, she'll never let you 'win'. (Hmm, that's a tactic many have used, ask for lots of things so that when you give up the things you really didn't care about then she might feel she 'won' when really she didn't. Is your lawyer going to try that, ask just as much as she asks so that when you give up the crazy minor stuff and then she'll feel okay with the results?)
Second, child support would be for one teenager and will end within two years when he became an adult or a little later if he has graduated yet.
Third, I bet she'll try to get some sort of continuing child support while the kids are in college. And piggyback onto that. Just thinking ahead, she won't want to gravy train to end quickly. Not that you won't help your kids, just try to keep her out of benefiting from any support you give to your adult children.
My L is estimating 6-14 months start to finish.
Lawyer's time estimate is probably lose enough to be about right. My lawyer estimated 7-9 months for a custody case and it ended up being 23.5 months. :'( But that was with a preschooler. Your case will quickly (or not so quickly) be reduced to core financial issues - mostly businesslike - dividing financial assets & debts, dividing material assets and debt obligations, and support, both short term and/or reduced long term.
