Hooked and confused

[Posey]

Good Morning, I'm not sure if I'm in the right place. I've been in a very chaotic, up-down and on and off relationship with my partner for 3 years now. I've made a diagnosis on her from reading books, therapy and listening to my friends tell me she is not normal and crazy. I ignored all the red flags and how fast she wanted me as her girlfriend before we even had a chance to get to know one another. I was constantly on edge at work, if I didn't answer my phone at work and talk to her then I would get yelled at. If I didn't return a call or text in a certain amount of time, that meant to her that I wasn't interested in her. She was in complete control of my emotions and had me walking around in fear. I was accused of trying to be in control all the time, that I was the one who had the problems. She never let me make any plans and if I did she always changed them. She was always late and I would wait around for her and would be so patient. She had to be admired 24/7 and asked me if I thought she was pretty and if looked the other direction towards another woman, all hell would break loose! I didn't do my job of setting boundaries. I tired to set boundaries but she got mad and criticized me and said I was just like her father. Most of the time she would compare me to her father. She had alot of baggage. I've never experienced so much dysfunction in my life. I feel sorry for her and I want her to get better. She has alot of health issues also. I was told early on that she didn't feel safe around me because I wouldn't know what to

Do in case of an emergency. She just made me feel inadequate and very low about myself. I think she enjoyed it when other people were suffering. It made her feel better about herself. The minute I displayed happiness or content for life, that meant to her that I didn't need her. She was very insecure but always made sure to tell me that she was compassionate, empathic and very secure. Why the heck did I stay in this for 3 years! I always thought things would get better but they never did and they never will.

[Seneca]

oh, Posey. So sorry you are here, but glad you found us.  Are the two of you split up or are you just contemplating it?

Your story could be any of ours. Work your way through the curriculum and the next step should be learning to take care of you and rebuild your self worth. Reading these posts will validate your version of reality and help you to feel not so alone in your pain. 

[fromheeltoheal]

I agree with Seneca; any of us could have written your post, and it brings back memories of the hell I went through too, almost exactly.  I'm sorry you went through that, but it has led you here, where there are resources and people who understand, and that's the good news.

Not totally sure, but it seems you have ended the relationship?  If so, the Leaving board is more appropriate, in that there will be more people who are where you are.  Also, you sound like you already know a bit about the disorder, but the articles on this site are very valuable and eye-opening.

Welcome, stay here, keep talking, take care of you!