Finally Got Her To Agree To Officially File Custody

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

(I posted this on the leaving board too, but I shall be joining here shortly)

First lawyer was right, get her to sign now while she is still here living in my house and relatively stable. We are not married. D1, S3 between us.

Conversation a month ago: she wanted less than guideline support to not screw me over financially. Then last night, talked about it being "fair" for everybody, then asked me to recalculate my obligation.then tonight, flat out asked for guideline support without filing.

That is when I said no.

If I am obligated, I want legal protection, and realistically, it protects all of us. I want stability. She still argued. I don't remember how it started, but I talked about not trusting her, nor the narcissistic bfs she has had besides me. I explained them all and then said I was the longest and most adult by far. I was the best thing that ever happened to her and she devalued and discarded me (the therapist said I was justified in saying this, I was waiting for the right moment). She replied that she felt devalued (didn't want to get mean and offer that is probably her dads justification "wife too busy with kids and cooking". Then I described my profile of the current boy. She said, oh, so you've been studying this guy! Conversation was going nowhere, so I steered it back to custody. The smirk on her face went away and she started crying. I was more gentle, but no less firm an logical. She then relented, "then let's just file." THANKS. Could have done this a month ago.

What did I learn? She changed her mind three times after telling me to "trust her" and she didn't even realize it. Felt bad and wanted to discuss r/s, but one can't process things (I think she does have some legitimate gripes about me) with someone who thinks everyone will cheat ot abandon them, and doesn't trust men. Will probably get a chance to say that at some point, though it is pointless.

[Turkish]

(I posted this on the leaving board too, but I shall be joining here shortly)

First lawyer was right, get her to sign now while she is still here living in my house and relatively stable. We are not married. D1, S3 between us.

Conversation a month ago: she wanted less than guideline support to not screw me over financially. Then last night, talked about it being "fair" for everybody, then asked me to recalculate my obligation.then tonight, flat out asked for guideline support without filing.

That is when I said no.

If I am obligated, I want legal protection, and realistically, it protects all of us. I want stability. She still argued. I don't remember how it started, but I talked about not trusting her, nor the narcissistic bfs she has had besides me. I explained them all and then said I was the longest and most adult by far. I was the best thing that ever happened to her and she devalued and discarded me (the therapist said I was justified in saying this, I was waiting for the right moment). She replied that she felt devalued (didn't want to get mean and offer that is probably her dads justification "wife too busy with kids and cooking". Then I described my profile of the current boy. She said, oh, so you've been studying this guy! Conversation was going nowhere, so I steered it back to custody. The smirk on her face went away and she started crying. I was more gentle, but no less firm an logical. She then relented, "then let's just file." THANKS. Could have done this a month ago.

What did I learn? She changed her mind three times after telling me to "trust her" and she didn't even realize it. Felt bad and wanted to discuss r/s, but one can't process things (I think she does have some legitimate gripes about me) with someone who thinks everyone will cheat ot abandon them, and doesn't trust men. Will probably get a chance to say that at some point, though it is pointless.

[livednlearned]

Agreeing to file and actually filing might end up being two very different things. How do you expect things to go moving forward? Will you serve her papers and then have her sign? Or did you just do this -- apologies, I couldn't quite tell if she just agreed to file or if she actually did it.

[Turkish]

Agreeing to file and actually filing might end up being two very different things. How do you expect things to go moving forward? Will you serve her papers and then have her sign? Or did you just do this -- apologies, I couldn't quite tell if she just agreed to file or if she actually did it.

I'll see the lawyer next week. serve her myself,  let he check out and even take it to someone for a consolation if she wishes.  it will be by the book.  the new guys family had money.  don't want it to get controversial and turn into a mess.  physical custody ain't be a problem.  She was annoyed this morning at its and went to go run to get out her frustration from lack of sleep.  I've been getting up early for over a year and taking care of the kids. I  hope she can handle her new reality soon... .   that is what worries me.  She thinks she is in love with the guy.  but I  see the doubts (core distrust of men).  of course I feed that now and then ( well,  three times in 3 months). I  need to stop doing that our I might be cutlery of psychological abuse.  Will run that one by my T... .   but I  need to focus on what's best for the kids,  nut getting my jabs  in here and there.