The day is approaching that will change my Life Forever

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello,

until last week, I was posting on (L3) leaving: detaching from wounds of a failed BPD relationship. (I welcome you to read my posts in that section as it forms a basis for this post).

my ex wife has certainly shown many traits of BPD in her personality over the years, except the 'impulsivity' part of BPD. i.e. she has always been faithful, doesn't drink alcohol at all, no drugs, doesn't overspend ect and is a very good mother to my 10 year old boy who has a form of Asperger's. my son attends a normal school, is very intelligent, yet struggles with some aspects of social skills.

for over 5 months now I have been trying hard to make things work again with my ex wife and be a family again, but recently almost gave up for good.

It was only that she started to compromise for the first time, as far back as I can remember, that I decided to give the relationship one last shot.

this is not the first time, since we separated, that we have discussed getting back together. However, this time I have certainly tried the hardest and shown the most commitment; each other time, I have ended up disappointed.

I wrote my ex wife 2 letters this week, offering her 2 different options to be a family unit again.

I also decided to put an expire date on these offers as I don't want to keep going around in circles with my ex, year in year out, not knowing where my life is heading.

Her pulling me in with her charm, her pushing me out with her poor behaviour. it has felt like a never ending emotional roller coaster.

The 2 offers were basically for me to take on a new rental property and we all move in together, I pay for the rent, utilities ect and we share the cost of all other expenses. my ex could then lease the property she owns and currently lives in with my son; she also has the option to lease it furnished, providing a much better rental return. In turn, she can work less hours at her place of work and spend more time looking after herself and my boy.

She told me she is considering this option. There were other things mentioned in the letter, but more about mutual understanding, compromising ect.

The other option was to move into her place (my former matrimonial home) and share the expenses with her.

She has already informed me that moving back to the former matrimonial home is not an option as her father is very much against this; her father helped her financially the first 12 months to keep the home along with going guarantor to assist her in getting the loan in the first place.

Her father is still naturally very upset with the way things worked out, but has mentioned to my ex wife that she should only consider me back if I showed her a solid commitment, buying or leasing a property ect.

My ex wife has mentioned on a number of occasions since we have separated that if she had a guarantee that I wouldn't walk out again, she would take me back.

She wants a guarantee, but the problem is that she also wants the right to do whatever she wants in the relationship and not take any responsibility for the relationship.in other words, until now,  its always been up to me to make things work out.

I have offered to live together as a family again as long as we are living together by February 28th. She would also need to provide me with minimum 14 days notice if she agrees, so that I can start preparing for my move.

(I know that love shouldn't be this way, time frames, expiry dates ect, but this is not a normal relationship and the indecisiveness has been going on for too many years and it has effected my health.

So, this ongoing relationship drama, should finally come to a head one way or another over the next few weeks.

I hope I pull off a miracle with this relationship because I do love my ex wife and my son means the world to me, but only time will tell.

If my ex wife cant decide she wants to take up my offer by February 14th, I will move on with my life and give up any hope of getting back with my ex wife, once and for all. It will hurt for a while, no doubt, but I know that I will be able to live with the decision as I would be satisfied that I have given it my absolutely all.

Any thoughts, suggestions?

Kind Regards,

[selling1]

Hello,

until last week, I was posting on (L3) leaving: detaching from wounds of a failed BPD relationship. (I welcome you to read my posts in that section as it forms a basis for this post).

my ex wife has certainly shown many traits of BPD in her personality over the years, except the 'impulsivity' part of BPD. i.e. she has always been faithful, doesn't drink alcohol at all, no drugs, doesn't overspend ect and is a very good mother to my 10 year old boy who has a form of Asperger's. my son attends a normal school, is very intelligent, yet struggles with some aspects of social skills.

for over 5 months now I have been trying hard to make things work again with my ex wife and be a family again, but recently almost gave up for good.

It was only that she started to compromise for the first time, as far back as I can remember, that I decided to give the relationship one last shot.

this is not the first time, since we separated, that we have discussed getting back together. However, this time I have certainly tried the hardest and shown the most commitment; each other time, I have ended up disappointed.

I wrote my ex wife 2 letters this week, offering her 2 different options to be a family unit again.

I also decided to put an expire date on these offers as I don't want to keep going around in circles with my ex, year in year out, not knowing where my life is heading.

Her pulling me in with her charm, her pushing me out with her poor behaviour. it has felt like a never ending emotional roller coaster.

The 2 offers were basically for me to take on a new rental property and we all move in together, I pay for the rent, utilities ect and we share the cost of all other expenses. my ex could then lease the property she owns and currently lives in with my son; she also has the option to lease it furnished, providing a much better rental return. In turn, she can work less hours at her place of work and spend more time looking after herself and my boy.

She told me she is considering this option. There were other things mentioned in the letter, but more about mutual understanding, compromising ect.

The other option was to move into her place (my former matrimonial home) and share the expenses with her.

She has already informed me that moving back to the former matrimonial home is not an option as her father is very much against this; her father helped her financially the first 12 months to keep the home along with going guarantor to assist her in getting the loan in the first place.

Her father is still naturally very upset with the way things worked out, but has mentioned to my ex wife that she should only consider me back if I showed her a solid commitment, buying or leasing a property ect.

My ex wife has mentioned on a number of occasions since we have separated that if she had a guarantee that I wouldn't walk out again, she would take me back.

She wants a guarantee, but the problem is that she also wants the right to do whatever she wants in the relationship and not take any responsibility for the relationship.in other words, until now,  its always been up to me to make things work out.

I have offered to live together as a family again as long as we are living together by February 28th. She would also need to provide me with minimum 14 days notice if she agrees, so that I can start preparing for my move.

(I know that love shouldn't be this way, time frames, expiry dates ect, but this is not a normal relationship and the indecisiveness has been going on for too many years and it has effected my health.

So, this ongoing relationship drama, should finally come to a head one way or another over the next few weeks.

I hope I pull off a miracle with this relationship because I do love my ex wife and my son means the world to me, but only time will tell.

If my ex wife cant decide she wants to take up my offer by February 14th, I will move on with my life and give up any hope of getting back with my ex wife, once and for all. It will hurt for a while, no doubt, but I know that I will be able to live with the decision as I would be satisfied that I have given it my absolutely all.

Any thoughts, suggestions?

Kind Regards,