Have I hope that things will work out?

[kelli1980]

 

I have been going over the same subject for over a year now and I hope that people on this board will be able to shed some clarity and maybe help me to make a decision... .

I am close friends with someone with BPD and we both have feelings for eachother, we have not been in a relationship but we became as close as people in a relationship... . we hang out together a lot. She says she won't be with me properly though as she is worried it would upset a friend of hers who still likes her a lot too.

Recently she got back together with an ex - which really hurt me... . but the other day she said she still had feelings for me too - and she knows i still feel the same about her... . whenever she is not with her ex, we sort of become more than friends, then things slow down again, ex gets back in touch and the whole cycle starts all over again. From what I gather her girlfriend has a lot of issues herself, and may have BPD too. I am at a loss though whether to hang in there and wait for her or if it is a pointless exercise that will just get myself hurt... .

Any advice is welcome :-)

[Hopeless777]

I'll keep my response short and to the point: if you know the person you have feelings for is BPD and you're not locked in (that is, married, living together, etc.), run, don't walk, run away!

[NoCRV]

Hi Kelli1980,

Please for yourself, RUN!  Spare yourself anymore hurt caused by this person.  It is pointless.  Say hypothetically you fall in love with her and she "says" she loves you.  Your love will eventually trigger a fear of abandonment or engulfment causing her to leave you high and dry and back to the ex she seems to already be recycling.  So many people have said that they would not wish a BPD relationship on their worst enemy.  Be good to yourself and RUN!

[Seneca]

read the book "crazy love", that covers all of the personality and mood disorders. the ONLY one in the book that the authors say you should run from, no matter what, is BPD. you are worth more than that... . you have no idea what you are asking for. i wouldn't wish this torture on anyone. head for high ground!

[willtimeheal]

Kelli1980,

This relationship will never be what you want it to be. You have this person who you have feelings for.  She says she has feelings for you too but doesn't want to "truly" act on them but ... . she will every now and then. Then she goes back to an ex and then when things go sour she comes back to you.  Then repeat. If you want to be with this person be prepared for it to be this way always. She is getting what she wants from the relationship. The fact you you are not doesn't bother her. This is her level of commitment and it is all she will ever be able to.contribute... . except heartache and pain as time goes on. Take the advice of these people... . run. You deserve better.

[BorisAcusio]

read the book "crazy love", that covers all of the personality and mood disorders. the ONLY one in the book that the authors say you should run from, no matter what, is BPD.

Well, not just BPD but most cluster B are to avoid. NPD and Bipolar are as bad as Borderline.

[Kifazes]

If I were to knew before I started something with my BPD partner, that he had borderline, and knew what that was. I would've packed up my things, left, and never looked back.

Unfortunately, I didn't know about him having BPD, or BPD in general.

My advise to you: spare yourself the trouble, cause it doesn't matter how much you lover her, how much you are willing to do for her, in the end she will not be satisfied with who you are.

Your self esteem will take more than a few hits, you'll hit rock bottom, you won't understand anything what is going on (inspite of the good lessons here ont he board), you bend backwards trying to please. But you'll never be good enough for her. pwBPD change the rules as they go, so you'll never be able to accomplish anything.

Just my two cents :-)

Run if you can... .