My story: The subtle borderline?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I started the thred “Who is the sick one? How do we really know?”

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=218781.0

And this, this made me what to tell my story. As our situation was a bit more complex, if I may, I would like to describe it, and hear your opinion, especially if this echoes anyones experiences with a diagnosed pwBPD:


I met my ex-gf (perhaps uBPD) in 2009, me at the time being 33 and her 23.

I wasn’t really attracted to her in the beginning of the relationship. I had, just a few months before, moved to a new country to start a new job and was quite lonely, however contempt (this was my dream job!). She was just like the analogy with the fisher, line, hook and bait and “the fish” that jumps over the railing! I wasn’t even fishing!

She was a work colleague at my new work and picked up conversation with me, added me on Facebook etc. All of a sudden I was on date no. 2 (which I just wanted to be friendly as she didn’t appeal to me as a type - quiet, shy, quite plainly dressed etc.). But being lonely and having this friendly girl in my apartment for coffee led to sex. And that was it! I was in a relationship from that day on. I know this may say something about my self-esteem and ability to say “no” to women?

She did everything to please me, agreed with me on everything etc. EXCEPT, the crucial point, that haunted our relationship from there on: after less that 2 weeks, she told me that she didn’t want to have “fun”, she wanted a husband and a family. I told her “easy we still don’t even know each other. If it’s not fun how can it develop into something serious” and that it wasn’t something that I wanted in a foreseeable future (remember I had just moved to a foreign country and had no idea if I could stay there indefinitely (yet, still here on the 5th year), I just wanted a girlfriend I could hang out with. This hurt her and I felt guilty for it, but we continued the relationship anyway.

This enormous love from her actually felt smothering to me and scared me off a bit, and made me put even more distance when it came to commitment, because commitment to her now seemed like the huge all-or-nothing deal. I did commit with my actions, though.  Conveniently, I would almost say, our relationship turned long-distance, as she changed job. I revealed our profession on other sites, so I have no problem here too. I am a pilot and she is a Flight Attendant. So being on different schedule and commuting to see each other, was not THAT difficult.

There are many examples of her push/pull, but here is one that repeated itself countless times. Before she would come visit me, she would write how hard is was to be separated, how much she loved me and that she couldn’t imagine a life without me. When she then came, she would start an argument, and be mad at me until she was bound to return home. When I drove her to the airport, she would break down and cry: “I want to stay with you, I don’t want to go, I don’t know why I behave like that” and “I am afraid you will forget me and find someone else when I am away”. So, I would comfort and validate her, and get nice and sweet text messages from her, and the cycle would repeat it self next time she came. Sometimes to lesser extent, also depending on how stubborn I would be to take the first step to reconciliation (which I always had to do, if I didn’t want the argument to last until she left). But EVERY time we had some sort of argument. There were of course also great times. So, when I saw her e.g. 4 times a month, and 2 times we had a larger argument, I wasn’t sure if it was just due to PMS or was just her character.

The longer we were together, the more she also “grew on” me. During our first year together, I though of breaking up with her countless times. Because of her mood swings, not that well educated/lack of basic general knowledge, hence difficult to have “adult conversation” with. But I couldn’t go through with it, because I was sure it would crush her. And she was so fragile, that I couldn’t have that on my conscience. She was soo I love with me (she even wanted one of my t-shirts to have in her apartment when I was away), very caring, supportive of me and I learned the language being with her.

After about 1 year, I learned for the first time that something was wrong with her. She always had to go to the drug store and sometimes it was a bit panicky. On one occasion it was tight and I asked her it it couldn’t wait till monday (weekend plans). But, no. She HAD to pick up some medication. She wouldn’t tell what it was, and therefore I became VERY insistent to know. It turned out to be anti-depressants, that she had taken since her teenage years. She also told me she had been institutionalized for a few week with a depression where all she could do was cry. That she had previously been in therapy, for 10 years. I told her that she in my opinion didn’t need them and I think she should stop (I am not a fan of putting chemicals into the human body). Her response was: “You wouldn’t like me if I didn’t take them, I don’t even like MYSELF if I don’t take them”. On another occasion she also alluded to, that she was sexually abused as a child. I never learned the details, other than it had something to do with pornographic images. Because this was something that she definitely didn’t want to talk about. If she walked in on her father masturbating or if it was something worse I don’t know. He was actually a very nice person and had a very big heart, unfortunately also very unhealthy heart. The divorce from her mother, with whom my ex had a rather cold relationship, had taken it’s toll on him (BPDm? - I didn’t know her that well, because the visits there where always short - hello, eat something, leave). Suffice is to say that she wasn’t very supportive of my ex, always telling her what she had done wrong/could do differently. Their divorce also took it’s toll on my ex-gf and she was struggling with that in her teens. She was also bullied by her sister and brother (she is the middle child), had problems in school was pronounced as having Dyscalculia and teased that she was stupid, she obviously had and still has self-esteem problems.


The first 1 1/2 year went by like that, we had a great time, most of the time. Thought, I would often be “punished” with silent treatment (or threats) if I said something wrong, made a false remark or made comments about other women. Like another work colleague was always traveling in her spare time, and my remark was “yes, she has an amazing energy”, she told me “why don’t you start a relationship with her then, if you like her so much” - completely out of proportions. She made the marriage/children thing a big issue on several occasions and already at that time put an expiry date on the relationship. That at some point she would want children and move on. To me this was ridiculous after only 3-4 month relationship, and also - how realistic was that when she said she couldn’t imagine living without me? She also broke up with me once, due to me being sick and not wanting her over at my apartment. Of course the marriage/children issue was again brought up, like they were connected. She told me to pick my stuff up at her place or I could buy it on e-bay. I went over to her, thinking I finally had my way out. But, her waifness again made me suggest to talk things over. Also she had a couple of my-language dictionaries lying on her table, and again I felt so sorry for her. Like “look you fool, she even tries to learn your language - why are you throwing this girl away” (she never learned my language by the way, let alone look in the dictionaries). I laughed once at her pronunciation and she saw that as me ridiculing her, so on her own account she didn’t feel like trying. It was never that important to me, as we both were living in her country, it was more important that I learned her language. But anyway, we were back together. During all this time she was practically living with me, when I was not away on work (if she was away, she would go from my place). The sex was still great, but never initiated by her. I went through 10 days of vacation with her, without sex. Because I had become stubborn and wanted her to initiate (how stupid of me).

She stopped the antidepressants, due to having an accident with her arm at work, apparently she got some painkillers that should be taken together with the antidepressants - at least that is what she told me. I didn’t notice any change in her mood, if anything she seemed at bit more lively, and a bit more assertive, which was a quality I also found lacking in her, according to the “image” of a gf that I had in mind. So, that was actually a positive development to me.


Fast forward, 1 1/2 years and the relationship became long-distance (45 mins by plane, 6 hours by car - but both being in the airline business it wasn’t much of a problem). The relationship became more and more parent-child like, I had now deep feelings for her, and also felt that I had to help her improve herself. The “adult conversations”, became more of educational, no matter which topic we would be discussing. I am also 10 years older than her. At one point in the recurrent discussions about children (her shaming me for not wanting to give her what she wanted the most), I spontaneously said to her “I already have a child”. Her new job was in the region where she grew up, so she moved back in with her father, with whom she was very close and dependent. She told me through out the relationship, my father is very sick and doesn’t have long to live, “he is the most important person in my life, he is the only one that understands me, the only one that just listen - my world will collapse when he dies, it’s the most terrible thing that can happen to me”.

The long distance relationship actually worked well, I suppose because she wasn’t lonely when she wasn’t with me, then she had her father. Except for the push/pull it actually felt good, like a relationship is supposed to be. Her new job of course sucked just as bad as the old one, all her colleagues were idiots, rude or incompetent. Generally she has a very pessimistic outlook and always use a lot of sarcasm. She can also be very “light”, funny and just someone who creates a good mood - especially in company with others (keeping up appearances).

Fast forward another 1 1/2 - 2 years, and I had changed job too and was about to move. As we decided we should try to move together in the region where she comes from, I would temporary move in with her and her father - a friend of the father was living in the house too. That was december 2012. Just a few days into 2013 (won’t write the date, because of google and the other many details here), her father died of a stroke. The friend found him on his couch and called us that something was wrong. I will never forget as she came back up to me, almost unable to breathe “I... think... my... father... is... dead”.

That was the beginning of the end of the relationship too, but this is already long enough. So I will post that separately sometime.

[GuiltHaunted]

I started the thred “Who is the sick one? How do we really know?”

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=218781.0

And this, this made me what to tell my story. As our situation was a bit more complex, if I may, I would like to describe it, and hear your opinion, especially if this echoes anyones experiences with a diagnosed pwBPD:


I met my ex-gf (perhaps uBPD) in 2009, me at the time being 33 and her 23.

I wasn’t really attracted to her in the beginning of the relationship. I had, just a few months before, moved to a new country to start a new job and was quite lonely, however contempt (this was my dream job!). She was just like the analogy with the fisher, line, hook and bait and “the fish” that jumps over the railing! I wasn’t even fishing!

She was a work colleague at my new work and picked up conversation with me, added me on Facebook etc. All of a sudden I was on date no. 2 (which I just wanted to be friendly as she didn’t appeal to me as a type - quiet, shy, quite plainly dressed etc.). But being lonely and having this friendly girl in my apartment for coffee led to sex. And that was it! I was in a relationship from that day on. I know this may say something about my self-esteem and ability to say “no” to women?

She did everything to please me, agreed with me on everything etc. EXCEPT, the crucial point, that haunted our relationship from there on: after less that 2 weeks, she told me that she didn’t want to have “fun”, she wanted a husband and a family. I told her “easy we still don’t even know each other. If it’s not fun how can it develop into something serious” and that it wasn’t something that I wanted in a foreseeable future (remember I had just moved to a foreign country and had no idea if I could stay there indefinitely (yet, still here on the 5th year), I just wanted a girlfriend I could hang out with. This hurt her and I felt guilty for it, but we continued the relationship anyway.

This enormous love from her actually felt smothering to me and scared me off a bit, and made me put even more distance when it came to commitment, because commitment to her now seemed like the huge all-or-nothing deal. I did commit with my actions, though.  Conveniently, I would almost say, our relationship turned long-distance, as she changed job. I revealed our profession on other sites, so I have no problem here too. I am a pilot and she is a Flight Attendant. So being on different schedule and commuting to see each other, was not THAT difficult.

There are many examples of her push/pull, but here is one that repeated itself countless times. Before she would come visit me, she would write how hard is was to be separated, how much she loved me and that she couldn’t imagine a life without me. When she then came, she would start an argument, and be mad at me until she was bound to return home. When I drove her to the airport, she would break down and cry: “I want to stay with you, I don’t want to go, I don’t know why I behave like that” and “I am afraid you will forget me and find someone else when I am away”. So, I would comfort and validate her, and get nice and sweet text messages from her, and the cycle would repeat it self next time she came. Sometimes to lesser extent, also depending on how stubborn I would be to take the first step to reconciliation (which I always had to do, if I didn’t want the argument to last until she left). But EVERY time we had some sort of argument. There were of course also great times. So, when I saw her e.g. 4 times a month, and 2 times we had a larger argument, I wasn’t sure if it was just due to PMS or was just her character.

The longer we were together, the more she also “grew on” me. During our first year together, I though of breaking up with her countless times. Because of her mood swings, not that well educated/lack of basic general knowledge, hence difficult to have “adult conversation” with. But I couldn’t go through with it, because I was sure it would crush her. And she was so fragile, that I couldn’t have that on my conscience. She was soo I love with me (she even wanted one of my t-shirts to have in her apartment when I was away), very caring, supportive of me and I learned the language being with her.

After about 1 year, I learned for the first time that something was wrong with her. She always had to go to the drug store and sometimes it was a bit panicky. On one occasion it was tight and I asked her it it couldn’t wait till monday (weekend plans). But, no. She HAD to pick up some medication. She wouldn’t tell what it was, and therefore I became VERY insistent to know. It turned out to be anti-depressants, that she had taken since her teenage years. She also told me she had been institutionalized for a few week with a depression where all she could do was cry. That she had previously been in therapy, for 10 years. I told her that she in my opinion didn’t need them and I think she should stop (I am not a fan of putting chemicals into the human body). Her response was: “You wouldn’t like me if I didn’t take them, I don’t even like MYSELF if I don’t take them”. On another occasion she also alluded to, that she was sexually abused as a child. I never learned the details, other than it had something to do with pornographic images. Because this was something that she definitely didn’t want to talk about. If she walked in on her father masturbating or if it was something worse I don’t know. He was actually a very nice person and had a very big heart, unfortunately also very unhealthy heart. The divorce from her mother, with whom my ex had a rather cold relationship, had taken it’s toll on him (BPDm? - I didn’t know her that well, because the visits there where always short - hello, eat something, leave). Suffice is to say that she wasn’t very supportive of my ex, always telling her what she had done wrong/could do differently. Their divorce also took it’s toll on my ex-gf and she was struggling with that in her teens. She was also bullied by her sister and brother (she is the middle child), had problems in school was pronounced as having Dyscalculia and teased that she was stupid, she obviously had and still has self-esteem problems.


The first 1 1/2 year went by like that, we had a great time, most of the time. Thought, I would often be “punished” with silent treatment (or threats) if I said something wrong, made a false remark or made comments about other women. Like another work colleague was always traveling in her spare time, and my remark was “yes, she has an amazing energy”, she told me “why don’t you start a relationship with her then, if you like her so much” - completely out of proportions. She made the marriage/children thing a big issue on several occasions and already at that time put an expiry date on the relationship. That at some point she would want children and move on. To me this was ridiculous after only 3-4 month relationship, and also - how realistic was that when she said she couldn’t imagine living without me? She also broke up with me once, due to me being sick and not wanting her over at my apartment. Of course the marriage/children issue was again brought up, like they were connected. She told me to pick my stuff up at her place or I could buy it on e-bay. I went over to her, thinking I finally had my way out. But, her waifness again made me suggest to talk things over. Also she had a couple of my-language dictionaries lying on her table, and again I felt so sorry for her. Like “look you fool, she even tries to learn your language - why are you throwing this girl away” (she never learned my language by the way, let alone look in the dictionaries). I laughed once at her pronunciation and she saw that as me ridiculing her, so on her own account she didn’t feel like trying. It was never that important to me, as we both were living in her country, it was more important that I learned her language. But anyway, we were back together. During all this time she was practically living with me, when I was not away on work (if she was away, she would go from my place). The sex was still great, but never initiated by her. I went through 10 days of vacation with her, without sex. Because I had become stubborn and wanted her to initiate (how stupid of me).

She stopped the antidepressants, due to having an accident with her arm at work, apparently she got some painkillers that should be taken together with the antidepressants - at least that is what she told me. I didn’t notice any change in her mood, if anything she seemed at bit more lively, and a bit more assertive, which was a quality I also found lacking in her, according to the “image” of a gf that I had in mind. So, that was actually a positive development to me.


Fast forward, 1 1/2 years and the relationship became long-distance (45 mins by plane, 6 hours by car - but both being in the airline business it wasn’t much of a problem). The relationship became more and more parent-child like, I had now deep feelings for her, and also felt that I had to help her improve herself. The “adult conversations”, became more of educational, no matter which topic we would be discussing. I am also 10 years older than her. At one point in the recurrent discussions about children (her shaming me for not wanting to give her what she wanted the most), I spontaneously said to her “I already have a child”. Her new job was in the region where she grew up, so she moved back in with her father, with whom she was very close and dependent. She told me through out the relationship, my father is very sick and doesn’t have long to live, “he is the most important person in my life, he is the only one that understands me, the only one that just listen - my world will collapse when he dies, it’s the most terrible thing that can happen to me”.

The long distance relationship actually worked well, I suppose because she wasn’t lonely when she wasn’t with me, then she had her father. Except for the push/pull it actually felt good, like a relationship is supposed to be. Her new job of course sucked just as bad as the old one, all her colleagues were idiots, rude or incompetent. Generally she has a very pessimistic outlook and always use a lot of sarcasm. She can also be very “light”, funny and just someone who creates a good mood - especially in company with others (keeping up appearances).

Fast forward another 1 1/2 - 2 years, and I had changed job too and was about to move. As we decided we should try to move together in the region where she comes from, I would temporary move in with her and her father - a friend of the father was living in the house too. That was december 2012. Just a few days into 2013 (won’t write the date, because of google and the other many details here), her father died of a stroke. The friend found him on his couch and called us that something was wrong. I will never forget as she came back up to me, almost unable to breathe “I... think... my... father... is... dead”.

That was the beginning of the end of the relationship too, but this is already long enough. So I will post that separately sometime.

[Learning_curve74]

Hey GH, thank you for sharing your story, both here and on the other site (I read both). While we shouldn't believe in diagnosis by internet, in my entirely amateur opinion, it sounds like your exgf showed signs of BPD. I'm sorry you poured your heart and soul into her and had this happen. Most people would be heartbroken, so how you felt about what happened is entirely understandable.

As you found out, she was "grooming" her sister's exbf while you were supposed to still be together. This can be a form of Triangulation which helped her to relieve the stresses she felt as a borderline in an intimate relationship with you. Here is a link to some info: What does [url=https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=121673.0]Triangulation mean?[/url]

I urge you to take a look at the sidebar to the right hand side of the page here. It says: attachment leads to suffering, detachment leads to freedom. Is your goal to finally be detached? If so, where in the process do you feel you are?

Understand also that detachment IS a process. Sometimes we move backwards or in circles for a bit, that's just the way it is sometimes. Please be kind and have self-compassion, and try to avoid beating yourself up if you're feeling like you're stuck or detaching too slowly. It takes time, thought, working through emotions, and a lot of self-examination and self-discovery. Regardless of how much work it may be, you are worth it! 

[GuiltHaunted]

Hi LC74,

First in huge thank you for reading all that text, and even on the other site too! 

Yes, in retrospect I am sure she confided in him, from about 2 months before the breakup. So that most likely contributed to making out relationship even more tense. Even if I didn't know about it at the time, it would probably have influenced how she reacted to our problems. About 1 week before she broke up with me, she started wearing a nose piercing (which she didn't do for the entire time in our relationship). I instinctively felt something was wrong, but was away on work for most of that time. But, again in retrospect, it's probably where she started mirroring him. He has long hair, beard, tattoos, piercings. Due to my job (and personality), I have neither and look quite representable. So, one of them probably declared affection for the other, within 1-2 weeks prior to the breakup.

She had always idealized him: When we met, she showed me her sister on Facebook and told me "This is my sister and her bf XXX - he is such a great guy!". When her sister broke off with him: "I can't understand why my sister broke up with XXX - he is such a great guy!".

Yes, my goal is to detach. Like almost everyone here, it's conflicted with "but I miss her and want her back". However, rationally I know how bad it would be. Probably a lot worse than before, because I am a very analytical person. With the knowledge I have now, I would analyze anything she says and everything she would does. That wouldn't be good for me to live like that, and she would probably go crazy(ier), from having a partner that all the time would try to "treat" her.

I am quite far in the detachment, this is what happened after the breakup:

After she broke up with me, I had limited contact with her for 11/2 months. Only stuff about practical nature. Like post, picking stuff up etc. Then she had an outburst of rage on text, "that I didn't care about her, had never called, didn't ask her how she was doing, that I was all-sort-of-curs-words persons and I was probably with someone else and had been cheating with her"... . all while SHE was in a new relationship (projection?). Also, it was all untrue, I did call her once to ask her how she was doing. But left her mostly to herself because she had asked for it, and didn't show her any emotions (begging etc).

After her rant, I confessed that I was doing terrible, and she turned nice again but told me that I shouldn't put my hopes up. Later on I picked up my last things from her (one of two times I saw her after the breakup). And after that, I told her that I knew about her new relationship, and also that I knew who he was. I didn't pass judgement, but told her I wanted to communicate open with her, that I understood that she had to live it out and she didn't need to keep it a secret, because it was more important to me that we could communicate.

Her response, was to tell me that she didn't want to have contact with me anymore... . That is until a few month later, when she wrote me about some insignificant post I got at her address. She wrote polite and asked how I was - like she never asked me for no contact!

Then the contact resumed again and continued for a few months with occasional polite exchange of messages. Me, again keeping my feelings to myself, trying to sound on top with her.

Mid november the she stopped responding to my messages. I was again unhappy, so mid December I called her. The reason she stopped communicating was a misunderstand about one of her health problems (I had asked a question the wrong way), which had led to her thinking I was a jerk. We had about an hour of conversation about how we both were doing and had been up to. For the first time, I also queried her about her new relationship and if she felt happy with her decisions. Her reply was "very happy".

As she hadn't initiated contact in the past months (always me) and with that message, my plan was to drop from the face of the earth. Honestly didn't expect to hear from her again!

So, I stopped stalking her (checking when she was online on whatsapp etc). I felt an immediate improvement from "letting her go". It's not like I still didn't want her back, but leaving it to fate. This was the first feeling of detachment.

That, until a text on xmas (3 AM) "Hey XXX, I wish you a merry xmas (all in my language = hence not a standard sent text), and a happy new year for you with lots of luck and good health". Which stirred it ALL up again. So I wrote her a long e-mail, with the theme "why do you keep contacting me, I still have feelings for you, and it's safe for you to share your feeling with me too". I sent her a text, that I sent her a mail (because she rarely checks).

Within an hour came a response: "We need to talk about it, call me". It turn out that she was out of country for work and was in a hotel somewhere. (I know this is me wanting her back talking:) So she was interested enough, to find a computer there and immediately reading it.

So I called her, and her first sentence showed me that there was no point: "I though everything was ok, for me it is at least". When I told how I felt, her reply was: "but it's so long ago!" 7 1/2 month post breakup is apparently ages ago in her book"

Again the confusing signals, why have conversations with me, why the curiosity and immediate looking at my email? As a side note, I had blocked her on Facebook months ago (deleted her as friend immediately after the breakup) , and on one occasion she asked if I quit Facebook, so even after the breakup and being de-friended, SHE apparently still stalked my Facebook, until I blocked her.

I was the only one talking during the conversation, and she had no reason for why she had sent the message, other than: "I have sent a lot of other people greeting for xmas" (at 3 AM?), and "I am sorry that it stirred thing up for you". So I ended the conversation with:

"Again, I am the only one sharing feelings here. Still, the only thing I know is, that you this summer told me "that you are not made of store". Then I said to her: "It's not because I am mad, but for my own sake, I ask you never ever contact me again, not in a year, not in 10 years or in 20 years."

In between 3 times "I understand", with increased level of irritation.


After that, I felt depressed. But held out until the 15th Jan of absolutely NC, but started to considering talking with her again. By coincidence, I stumbled on an old link to an article I read in the fall about borderline. It didn't sink properly in at the time, because I was to fixated reading it with "how do I get her back glasses".

I have spent the last two weeks reading about borderline, and with every AHA! experience I feel more and more detached and determined never to engage with a pwBPD again. So I study it just as much to:

a) detach myself from her

b) prepare if she resumes contact (I am probably the one that could help her the most now, paradoxically)

c) know what signs and 's to look for in the beginning of future relationships - as I understand guys like me are apparently repeat offenders. 

[heartandwhole]

Hi GuiltHaunted,

I'm really sorry you had to go through that.  It reminded me a bit of my relationship, too, it started out as very casual, friendly, and I wasn't interested in him romantically at all.  Similar to you, however, I was in a very vulnerable place (emotionally) and see now that that influenced how quickly I became enmeshed with him.

You've been reading everything you can about BPD, which is so helpful.  It's very understandable to have feelings of missing her and wanting her back, even after all you've been through.  We've all been there.  With time, these feelings do pass.

Have you checked the 10 beliefs that keep us stuck?  It helped me tremendously:

Ten Beliefs That Can Get You Stuck - Surviving a Breakup with Someone Suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder

Keep posting.  We're here to support you. 

[GuiltHaunted]

Yes I read that article, and it was fortunately what stopped me from breaking NC with her again.

After my long letter to her in December and her "we need to talk about it text reply", I was not sure I got the message across. The telephone conversation, that we had after her text, I was afraid that I was too quick to end it, and my request for her "never to contact me again" was too impulsive. And that I didn't have the patience to her what "she wanted to talk about".

So, I felt like giving it another shot. As I reread my mail, I found it very matter of fact. And not too filled with emotions. Like:

"I think you would rather live your whole life with out knowing, than to say to me that you made a mistake, as long as you don't have certainty that your pride won't be hurt. For that reason, I want to make it clear to you, that I am still open for a relationship with you.

... . and later on...

"The point is, that if you still have feelings for me I am ready to speak with you. And you don't have to keep back because of fear of rejection."


So, I was considering writing her again. More emotionally. That is until I read this point in the article, in your link:

7) Belief that if you say it louder you will be heard

Emotionally or not, she had the chance to spill her gut's in that phone conversation, but she bottled up completely. :'(

Again the confusion. What the hell did we then "need to talk about", if she can't open up?