Maybe I'm not doing as well as I thought

[Mara2]

Life has been moving fast for me these past few months.  At the end of Jan my BPDH was arrested when he came up to the house after a restraining order was in place.  Those cops did not mess around either!  He is well known to the city police, sheriff, and Border Patrol in our area and they were just looking for an excuse to get him off the street.  He has been in jail ever since and will be until his trial on March 11.  I cannot express what a relief it has been to know he is where he cannot hurt himself or anyone else. 

I have been doing pretty well with it all- detached, getting finances in order to be on my own, looking for work.  I feel lighter, more relaxed, more myself.

Tonight the question came up, however, what happens if he gets out?  What then?  Will I still be doing so well?  I don't think so.  I'm still afraid of him and what he might do.  The prosecuting attorney wants a 2 year NC order, but an order didn't stop him from coming up here or calling or e-mailing.  He wants to see the kids and feels entitled to.  He also feels entitled to all the money, the house, the vehicles, etc.  Everything.  I'm afraid he will just ignore any order and do whatever he wants.  And he blames me for everything that has happened to him.

So maybe I am not doing as well as I thought.  The idea of him on the loose again scares me silly, especially for my kids.  Here I thought I was moving forward and I find myself right back in the land of what if.  I'm not so sure I can stand up to him if I need to. 

[Surnia]

The good thing - you got really a break from all the drama and could feel safe and plan your life.

Now the March 11 is coming and I can relate that you are scared about it.

So its important to be prepared, for your and your kids own safety!

What are the attorneys thoughts about the fact, that a NC order for 2 years can not stop him to calling, emailing or showing up?

[ForeverDad]

Have you filed for divorce yet?  If not, why not?  Apparently you've correctly concluded you can't live with a spouse who terrifies you.  Staying married to him will keep an extra connection to him - and him to you - above and beyond the obvious connection through the children.

Are the children included in the protection order?  If so, is there any provision for appropriate supervised contact with them?  How are they dealing with this, do they want to see him - briefly or for longer periods - or not?

In my case, though the abuse was mostly verbal and not as much physical, my ex kept trying to include our child in her two temporary protection orders but no one saw me as a danger and so it never lasted past my first hearing appearances.  As well, I had a couple protection orders to protect me.  When one was dismissed and the other was about to be dismissed about a month later, I accepted the marriage was over and filed for divorce before the last one was dismissed so some structure in my parenting existed.