overstepping my boundary

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I can't seem to calm down. I wrote earlier about my latest interaction with my H over him wanting to sell the house, basically run away, and I said I was staying.

But I keep thinking about how he told me in front of my dad, who's 86, to take him home. He was staying with us at our invite as he had fractured his ankle and had been with us 3 weeks, with 3 more to go til the plaster came off. I complied as I didn't want my dad to bear the brunt of any  backlash if I didn't.  It goes round and round in my head, how rude he was, how cruel to send a vulnerable person home. Luckily, my dad is very sensible and is managing, I'll see him tomorrow.

A massive boundary has been crossed and for what ... . cos he was fed up with my dad being there, cos he was feeling trapped. We've barely spoken since, I don't want to validate his selfish reasons, I want to tell him how I see his behaviour, let him figure out how to process it.  Tired of eggshells and the manipulation. If I continue to block interaction with him, where will he go with it? I actually want him to feel abandoned in the way my dad has been (although he's managing well).

[Tyrwhitt]

I can't seem to calm down. I wrote earlier about my latest interaction with my H over him wanting to sell the house, basically run away, and I said I was staying.

But I keep thinking about how he told me in front of my dad, who's 86, to take him home. He was staying with us at our invite as he had fractured his ankle and had been with us 3 weeks, with 3 more to go til the plaster came off. I complied as I didn't want my dad to bear the brunt of any  backlash if I didn't.  It goes round and round in my head, how rude he was, how cruel to send a vulnerable person home. Luckily, my dad is very sensible and is managing, I'll see him tomorrow.

A massive boundary has been crossed and for what ... . cos he was fed up with my dad being there, cos he was feeling trapped. We've barely spoken since, I don't want to validate his selfish reasons, I want to tell him how I see his behaviour, let him figure out how to process it.  Tired of eggshells and the manipulation. If I continue to block interaction with him, where will he go with it? I actually want him to feel abandoned in the way my dad has been (although he's managing well).

[Surnia]

Hi tyrwhitt

Its really a hard place for you right now. I hear your frustration.

Maintaining your boundaries about not selling the house is probably provoking your H, so he tried to reply with boundaries regarding your dad.

Or in other words: Stick with your boundaries regarding the house. Be prepared however that it will trigger your h. Many SO here cannot deal easily with changes regarding boundaries.

[an0ught]

Hi Tyrwhitt,

this was awful behavior 

It is quite understandable that you want to tell him.  And loudly so. But what would be accomplished by that?

When you are calmer your statements have more impact (SET). Possibly he knows that he did wrong, you are angry and feels guilty. And rightly so.

I don't want to validate his selfish reasons,

Why not? By acknowledging their existence they get squeezed down to their appropriate size in his mind and he can't hide behind them anymore.

I actually want him to feel abandoned in the way my dad has been (although he's managing well).

Is revenge in any way making the pain of your dad go away?

How are you doing at the moment?