PL Hearing Set

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Again updating on the ongoing drama of divorcing my BPD wife.  So I submitted my disclosure documents today and my lawyer was thoroughly impressed with 12 months of text messages (thank you iexplorer software) and my 18 months of journaling.  After reading through the material my lawyer was convinced that our case on the custody issue is much stronger than he had originally thought.  I'm not going for full custody (yet) but I do want the court aware of the issues.  Additionally, I am seeking to block ex-wife's father's contact with my two daughters... . ever.  One of the things I submitted was a 3 page list of her "symptoms" of possible sexual abuse when she was a child.  My lawyer thought that this was a good move as the court may not be willing to look at "my list" but might use it as the basis to order a real psychiatric evaluation by a latent child trauma specialist.  This is mainly relevant as it pertains to her father's access to the children. 

In exchange for our early provision of my disclosure, my lawyer asked her team to provide the past three months of credit card statements.  Trying to make sure we have her out of control spending front and center during any press from her team for supplemental spousal support.  She has about 9 credit cards and spends on average 4-5K per month.  So her lawyer sends over the credit cards today and lo and behold there are only 2 credit cards.  I told my lawyer, it appears we are missing the other 7 credit cards that she is using.  No response from her lawyer.  Cukoo, cukoo, cukoo.  Ironic in that she had totally convinced this lawyer that I was an abusive, incompetent, narcissistic criminal... . now he is seeing that I am actually very reasonable, punctual and honest.  LOL... . hoping he elects not to become a participant in her drama.  My friends tell me that the 10 judges in our county court are all now familiar with BPD issues and have become much more friendly to paternal custody in the past 10 years.  Is there an epidemic of BPD hitting or what?

Couple of questions.  1.) Does anyone on here having experience blocking an in-laws access to their children for crimes committed against their ex-BPD?  How did your case turn out?

2.) Does the BPD ever get smarter on this stuff as the court process roles out?  By not providing the requested documents she is driving up her own legal costs.  At some point will the consequences of her behavior register with her?

Night,

Mava

[Eodmava]

Again updating on the ongoing drama of divorcing my BPD wife.  So I submitted my disclosure documents today and my lawyer was thoroughly impressed with 12 months of text messages (thank you iexplorer software) and my 18 months of journaling.  After reading through the material my lawyer was convinced that our case on the custody issue is much stronger than he had originally thought.  I'm not going for full custody (yet) but I do want the court aware of the issues.  Additionally, I am seeking to block ex-wife's father's contact with my two daughters... . ever.  One of the things I submitted was a 3 page list of her "symptoms" of possible sexual abuse when she was a child.  My lawyer thought that this was a good move as the court may not be willing to look at "my list" but might use it as the basis to order a real psychiatric evaluation by a latent child trauma specialist.  This is mainly relevant as it pertains to her father's access to the children. 

In exchange for our early provision of my disclosure, my lawyer asked her team to provide the past three months of credit card statements.  Trying to make sure we have her out of control spending front and center during any press from her team for supplemental spousal support.  She has about 9 credit cards and spends on average 4-5K per month.  So her lawyer sends over the credit cards today and lo and behold there are only 2 credit cards.  I told my lawyer, it appears we are missing the other 7 credit cards that she is using.  No response from her lawyer.  Cukoo, cukoo, cukoo.  Ironic in that she had totally convinced this lawyer that I was an abusive, incompetent, narcissistic criminal... . now he is seeing that I am actually very reasonable, punctual and honest.  LOL... . hoping he elects not to become a participant in her drama.  My friends tell me that the 10 judges in our county court are all now familiar with BPD issues and have become much more friendly to paternal custody in the past 10 years.  Is there an epidemic of BPD hitting or what?

Couple of questions.  1.) Does anyone on here having experience blocking an in-laws access to their children for crimes committed against their ex-BPD?  How did your case turn out?

2.) Does the BPD ever get smarter on this stuff as the court process roles out?  By not providing the requested documents she is driving up her own legal costs.  At some point will the consequences of her behavior register with her?

Night,

Mava

[marbleloser]

"2.) Does the BPD ever get smarter on this stuff as the court process roles out?  "

Not that I can tell,and I've been going through it 17 months

"By not providing the requested documents she is driving up her own legal costs.  At some point will the consequences of her behavior register with her?"

The judge won't care unless it's detrimental to the children. Being an out of control spender isn't illegal,but if she gets into legal trouble because of it,then it'll matter.I.e., arrested for forgery,bad checks,theft.

[Matt]

Do you have evidence that she has other credit cards?

If so, I would submit that evidence as part of a motion asking that she be held in contempt of court for filing false financial information.

About your father-in-law - I have no experience with this, but I would suggest you proceed very carefully.  If the judge perceives that you are making a lot of accusations which aren't supported by evidence - no matter how true the accusations may be - it could hurt your credibility in the judge's eyes.

[ForeverDad]

Did you get the bank names and account numbers before you separated?  Have copies of her bills?

A credit report, such as from annualcreditreport.com where a free credit report is available once a year from each of the 3 major credit bureaus, would list all banks, cards, mortgages, loans, etc.  The problem is that you can easily do it for yourself, I don't know if or how you can ask the court for your spouse to submit hers.  Not being a lawyer or investigator, there must be some way to do it but I sure don't know what it is.

[GaGrl]

Is it too late to ask for a credit report as part of disclosure? Or to ask for all credit card accounts to be listed as part of a deposition?

Can you get a credit report from a private detective? May not be completely kosher, but all you need is a list of accounts, and account numbers if possible?

At worst, just fly blind and go down a list of possibles... . do you have a credit card with Citi bank? Chase? Macy's? Nordstrom? American Express? Any Visa accounts? Any Master c hard accounts?Any department store accounts?  Etc etc... . sets her up for perjury if she doesn't disclose.

[Matt]

At worst, just fly blind and go down a list of possibles... . do you have a credit card with Citi bank? Chase? Macy's? Nordstrom? American Express? Any Visa accounts? Any Master c hard accounts?Any department store accounts?  Etc etc... . sets her up for perjury if she doesn't disclose.

This is one of the advantage of depositions:  You could ask her all these questions, under oath, even if you're not sure which accounts she has.  She would answer "No" truthfully when you ask her if she has a Macy's account, if she doesn't.  But she would be in a tight spot when you asked her about one she has, and her attorney would be telling her, "You should tell the truth."

Then... . once you have her answers on the record, I think you could use extreme means, like subpoenas and/or a PI, to get at the truth.  And if she lied under oath, you would have a very strong case, because her attorney would realize that they could not go to trial, or her perjury would be exposed.  They would have to settle, and you could get a good deal.

[ForeverDad]

Be aware this is not Parry Mason episode, perjury is seldom pursued in family court.  Ex may have to cough up the information eventually but there are seldom direct consequences.

Also, if you get a Special Master or forensic accountant assigned, then that person would surely be authorized to ferret out the financial accounts.  But it won't be free.

Courts largely ignore the adult behaviors, it's the parenting behaviors that get more response and generally they have to be pretty bad to mean something in most courts.