How was sex after breaking up with a BPD

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I feel like i lost my sex drive after my breakup with my exBPDgf which happened a month ago. I have no urge to have sex any time soon or even jack off as much. Did any of you experience this?

Also i would like to ask how is sex with a non after a breakup with a BPD?

Although i did not loss my virginity to her, it was the craziest sex ever. Getting to play out any fantasy i want. Doing really kinky things and she is so willing you please. I don't know if i will ever find someone who is so horny who you can do anything with. I'm sure the one thing a BPD is best at is the sex.

Has dating a BPD ruined sex for any of you?

or has this somehow benefited you in your current relationships?

[Pinoypride18]

I feel like i lost my sex drive after my breakup with my exBPDgf which happened a month ago. I have no urge to have sex any time soon or even jack off as much. Did any of you experience this?

Also i would like to ask how is sex with a non after a breakup with a BPD?

Although i did not loss my virginity to her, it was the craziest sex ever. Getting to play out any fantasy i want. Doing really kinky things and she is so willing you please. I don't know if i will ever find someone who is so horny who you can do anything with. I'm sure the one thing a BPD is best at is the sex.

Has dating a BPD ruined sex for any of you?

or has this somehow benefited you in your current relationships?

[Want2know]

Having a low libido after a break-up is normal, with depression being the underlying cause of this.  That will change as you start to heal.

I took almost 2 years off from having sex again, as I didn't really feel I was ready for it for a few reasons.  First, I didn't have the desire, as you describe, but more importantly, it was that I realized that crazy sex was not what true intimacy is about.  That was a hard one to work through, and I still don't have a full grasp on it.

There can be a disconnect for many regarding sex and love.  I know I wasn't necessarily connecting the two in my relationship.  I wanted to, but it takes two people to want that, and neither of us really understood what it took or had the capacity, at the time, to make that real connection.  I think it takes two emotionally mature people to have a good handle on that. 

What are your thoughts about what a physically intimate relationship looks like?  Does there have to be mature love involved, or are you just looking for physical satisfaction, with little true emotional connection?

[Pinoypride18]

I guess in a way the crazy sex was a red flag. I did things i wouldn't normally do or at least to a women who would have more respect for herself. When i thought we were connecting it was during sex, when i thought i loved her it was just lust and i was just thinking with my dick.

But i don't think there has to be true mature love for two to get intimate, but it would help to distinguish between love and lust.

When i was intimate with my ex it was purely physical, no emotion. She knew how to seperate sex and love. It just surprises me how different a BPD sees sex than a non. How they can jut use it like a weapon.

I just hope i can recover and get my sex drive back one day. And finally meet someone that i can be intimate with and not be part of their game

[Want2know]

But i don't think there has to be true mature love for two to get intimate, but it would help to distinguish between love and lust.

Good idea to distinguish between love and lust.

It comes down to what you want from a relationship.  Are you looking to get your sex drive back and pursue lust or love? 

True mature love.  No, you don't need that to be physically intimate.  Perhaps a better question I could ask is 'what kind of physical intimacy are you looking for?' - lustful or one that accompanies love?

[Contradancer]

I didn't date for a year after leaving my BPDxh. When I dated, I kept sex out of the equation so as not to confuse things. After about six months of dating, I met a non who I've been exclusive with for five months. My bf, by the way, has been divorced from his BPDxw.

The sex is very good. But, it's also because the relationship is "safe".  We can both trust each other. Neither of us is walking on eggshells. Relaxing can be more fun.

[Tausk]

It takes time to figure things out.   Was without any libido for three months, and then too scared to have sex for the next half year.

It was difficult for me in part because the first woman I was intimate with triggered me to flashbacks with my ex. 

I'm trying to be very careful not to harm the people I date.  My destruction with the my ex wBPD shouldn't be carried to people who trust me. 

It just means that I take it very slow and be honest and aware of my feelings and needs.   But it's gotten better.  And I'm finding myself.  And it's good when sex isn't as important.  Intensity is not the same as intimacy. 

[Pinoypride18]

But i don't think there has to be true mature love for two to get intimate, but it would help to distinguish between love and lust.

Good idea to distinguish between love and lust.

It comes down to what you want from a relationship.  Are you looking to get your sex drive back and pursue lust or love? 

True mature love.  No, you don't need that to be physically intimate.  Perhaps a better question I could ask is 'what kind of physical intimacy are you looking for?' - lustful or one that accompanies love?

i want to pursue love. before it was just lust and was thinking with my pants and that turned out se well

tausk, i like sex just as anyone else, but i want to be in a relationship where it is not the most important thing. my uBPDexgf made everything about sex. either she wants more or it wasn't enough. don't get me wrong i think i am great in bed but having to perform at that level all the time was tiring.

[NyGirl8]

  Intensity is not the same as intimacy.  [/quote]
So true, thanks for that insight. 

I can relate Pinoypride18.  I did things with my ex, that were exciting and kinky and... . I liked it.  But, I am working through the questioning of whether it was anything I would do again with another.  My ex was always focused on any and all boundaries I put up.  Any boundary that I put up, he focused on breaking down and crashing through... . ugh... . sexually and in all other areas... . ugh... .