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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: My ex is thinking about me on V-Day...  (Read 421 times)
nooseroundmyfeet

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 12


« on: February 14, 2014, 04:29:02 PM »

as she has again blocked me on Facebook.  Interesting she picked today to make her statement Smiling (click to insert in post)

NC has been 1 month except 2 weeks ago I sent a few texts politely asking her to untag me on a photo that had randomly appeared again (I thought I had deleted everything).  I did tell her that how she had used FB in our relationship was the reason I did not want any reminders.  She tells me it was a new app must have removed the block (uh huh).  I did respond must have been awful app that removed my being blocked on her phone and FB as wasnt sure she would even get my text.  Her response is to tell me she was the one who unblocked me from her phone... . wasnt an accident.  Keep in mind this occurs month 3 of the replacement so I am thinking its her trying to recycle or she is she could get a response.  I failed and should not have said anything but I did try to set a boundary.

I had avoided all social media of ex for 3 months, I have have been able to see when I am blocked / unblocked by number of comments on one of my favorite family pictures.  I have no desire to see her page and in my journal I have written, "Avoid Avoid Avoid... 2014 will be another special year for her on Fakebook".  I am also not going to play the game of blocking / unblocking... . too old for that

I know not supposed to try and understand the behaviors or make sense of them... . have to believe she continued to keep a tagged picture of us when already onto the replacement  Hard to believe wasnt  a bit of method to the madness choosing this afternoon to put the block back up.   

IIt is nice to know she was thinking of me today Smiling (click to insert in post)

 

   
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Mutt
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced Oct 2015
Posts: 10395



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« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2014, 04:41:45 PM »

I know not supposed to try and understand the behaviors or make sense of them... . have to believe she continued to keep a tagged picture of us when already onto the replacement  Hard to believe wasnt  a bit of method to the madness choosing this afternoon to put the block back up.  

I'm blocked on social networking from my ex since she left because of her black and white thinking. I'm still split black. I also think that it's because she wants to keep me at a distance, so I don't meddle in her affairs in her new life. I have noticed that she would split a friend black, block them from facebook and then unblock them when she had split her friend white again. I've seen her do this several times to one person. It's confusing when you are inexplicably cut out of their lives, but it makes sense in the context of splitting.
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"Let go or be dragged" -Zen proverb
nooseroundmyfeet

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 12


« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2014, 05:25:47 PM »

Thanks Mutt

I am not sure if I am still completely painted black, I know I was in order for her to justify her actions.

In reading posts on here, my assessment is she is either making attempts to drive a response from me as she is too scared of rejection to reach out directly or she has finally got bored enough to stop playing games, taken me off the list of potential recycles.

The last two text conversations, I had set boundaries on texting me inappropriate comments when she is in a relationship with someone else and then to stop trying to contact me through Facebook.  Of course the response was I was cruel and vindictive to say those things

Could my Valentine's gift from her be that the combination of my setting boundaries, not reacting to her antics, and the NC making her realize I have figured her out? 

I am leaning more toward it's her trying to send another subtle shot at me on this specific date.  Based on how she keeps doing this block / unblock every few weeks since the beginning of the year, it wouldnt be out of the realm of possibility that she had this planned out
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nooseroundmyfeet

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 12


« Reply #3 on: February 14, 2014, 06:59:06 PM »

Any explanation could probably be easily tied to a BPD trait

1.  Passive-Agressive gesture on Valentine's Day to try and act like she doesnt care anymore.  The old "I'll show you" gesture.

2.  Feeling overwhelming shame on this day because of how she went through the discard and devaluation process including accusing me of infidelity.   It is hitting her hard on couples day, even if she still is or isnt with her replacement.  Blocking her own hurt.

3.  Realized I was no longer responding and needed to put another layer of black on me

AND

4.  Maybe she got engaged today !  Showed some empathy, didnt want to publicize for just anyone to be able to see, and blocked the ex's to avoid someone educating the unknowing... . possible?... . sure... . probable?  empathy?  at this point?  Not realistic

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allinasmile

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
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« Reply #4 on: February 14, 2014, 07:06:47 PM »

I keep wondering why we keep wanting validation from the freakatoids.  No I haven't received any contact from when I walked out 30 days ago without any confrontation.    When I received a call from the florist today stating they couldn't find my unit I secretly hoped they were from him but also panicked.  Thank god they were from my kids. 
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