advice please/ my boyfriend of 4 years, just had contact from his ex BPDgf

[angeusa54321]

HI

I posted almost 4 years ago,  because I was trying to understand what my bf had gone thru. It took him almost 2 years to let his guard down, but I was in no rush to "rush things"  Happily, all is well and he has bloomed.  We are happy.  It was a process, he now has healthy boundaries and said he is the happiest he has been since 1985!

Anyway, His exBPDgf just sent him a text out of the blue (3 yrs 8 months) of NO CONTACT.

the text essentially said

Hi M

Im sorry to contact you, but I have a question. I am due to have surgery and since you have had this surgery I had some questions. My mom had the same surgery but she has now passed, so I can't ask her.  What is the cost out of pocket and how long was recovery. I don't want to cause you any problems as I have enough of my own.  Im going this 100 percent solo and am really scared.  ps  sorry i missed the flight  to hit__ last week,


Background: they work for the same company.  (airline) He changed his ph number last month and only way she could have gotten it was by signing onto company website ( thru another co-worker)  she got his schedule and since he had a layover in hit__ city she announces that she had intuition, of running into him.

she obviously is

A    stalking his schedule

B     made a concerted effort to obtain his new ph number and texted him

this woman claimed all sorts of abuse, and nearly got him fired.

they are to have NC ,direct or indirect . this is strict rule from the company.


We both are livid, and he is thrown and kinda scared.

Any advice or insight is appreciated.  of course he will remain in NC, and is reporting her contact to his superiors  . on a side note , she used someone else's phone and did not sign her name on text   so weird... . after almost 4 years!

[angeusa54321]

actually, he is now saying he will have NC... . and see if she contacts him again.  He is wary of going to company, as to not have her reengage or start so drama.  ugg! 

[ShadowDancer]

In six short sentences this ol pro picked up on the texture of her message loud and clear. GUILT GUILT GUILT... . POOR ME! "I'm going this 100% solo" is PD speak for "I'm available". The fact is, they are not 100% anything... . but trouble.

[maxen]

hi angeusa. this sounds quite disturbing. has you bf kept the email, with the phone number from which she called?

it's his/your (plural) call, but if there was a decision by the company for NC, i would report it.

how did this company intervention come about?

[angeusa54321]

Hi Maxen

Yes very disturbing. It was a text message , last nite (read bottom of original message) on how she obtained his new number. The number is only 1 month old. 

She accused him of abuse during the breakup in 2010, there was an investigation.  The company ruled no contact from either of them.

I hate to see my BF scared. He literally said if she shows up here I am calling 911.  Yes, he is keeping  the message. I google the # and it belongs to someone else... . and she didn't sign her name.  (she is very smart/sneaky)

I looked at her FB page. ( after momentarily unblocking her)   I never met her. She did live out of state .  She did move to our state  3 months ago. Although she is 300 miles away.   She is asking  for and set up a fund to receive help for her surgery on FB. It  was a public post.Actually made a site people could go to to donate.   I don't like this at all !

[angeusa54321]

his brother is a psychologist. I told him,  honey you gotta talk to your brother about this. He was planning to sometime today.

[maxen]

i see. yes very unsettling. again, yiz call, but she's given enough information in that text to identify herself. and if she used someone else's line without their permission/knowledge, that's worse.

did he have that chat with his brother?

[angeusa54321]

he plans to talk to him today. he is off at work flying now. I will talk to him tonite.

yes, I don't know why she thinks she is anonymous ... . Im sure she is desperate, i.e.: trying to recycle, or just needs validation.  I just don't get how she thinks she can contact him after all she put him thru. We were talking last nite, n I said, you know honey, its not like she is a normal breakup where thing ended  relatively amicably... . she tried to literally destroy him. He said if he ever runs into her at work, he will just tell his coworker to stay near.

i.e. : wants a witness to any contact

[ForeverDad]

We often speak of the FOG - Fear, Obligation, Guilt.  He needs to resist the emotional pressure this puts on him.

He is under no obligation to respond to her.  He and her mother are not the only other people to undergo that surgery.  And his past experience could be vastly different than hers.  Besides, her surgeon ought to be the one answering her questions.  He should not 'play doctor'.

[angeusa54321]

He chatted to his brother, and yes he said absolutely NC  !  He sounds better, but I know this threw him for a bit of a loop.  His brother said she was just baiting him.  Its just all so bizarre.