This morning I had the urge to cal

[love2give]

Its been over a month and a half since she decided we were done. Never responds to any of my messages. Cold hearted.

this past friday was the last time I messaged her and I ended it with "you treat me like garbage, I allow it. No more".

I was determined to never contact her again. This morning I got the urge to call her. I notice I can never go past four days.

Why? Do you guy's have a certain amount of days before you start getting weak?

so hard wow

[LA4610]

i feel your pain man... . we have been split up for 5 months now, but i can remember those first couple days, weeks, and months being so so very hard. all i wanted was to talk to her the way we did when we first met. the good news is it went away with time. one piece of advice i would like to offer is to block her number and all social media. also, go to the phone store and get them to delete her number from your phone so it doesn't pop up whenever you type her name. this helped me move on big time.

[lipstick]

love2give,

In the early days & weeks following a brutal discard by my exBPDbf, I would go about three days before I would send a message to him. It was like a "release" of sorts for me. Of course, they all went ignored. I was forced to send them thru Facebook. When I would call his phone - I would immediately be dumped into voicemail. Using Facebook - I would get the little message that showed "seen at" and a check mark showing it had been read. That hurt like hell. Reading it and simply ignoring me. The Silent Treatment is a brutal form of emotional abuse.

I continued sending messages for about six weeks following the discard. All went ignored. Showed me I had zero worth to him. So I started journaling instead. Whenever I would feel the urge to reach out to him - I would write it down on paper instead. Then read it back to myself. It helped to calm me and kept me from sending the actual message. Eventually, No Contact got easier. It will for you, too. It takes time. Just time.

I'm about seventeen months out from being dumped by him. He resurfaced in December on Facebook. I didn't take the bait. Now he's playing occasional phone games and probably has found another way to spy on me using FB. Whatever. I read somewhere that it takes on average eighteen months to recover from a BPD "interaction".  I'm just about at that point - and feel pretty indifferent other than paying attention to what my counselors tell me in that he's not done with me. You will get there, too. I promise! I will always care for him - but it has to be from a distance.

[LettingGo14]

Thank you for this post.  I am also on day 4 of NC after being discarded about 4 months ago.   During those 4 months, the most I made it without sending a message was 6 days.   Every day was a struggle.   

That is, until I found this community.

I am now a firm believer that NC is the only way out.   Every attempt I made at contact led to feeling worse (sometimes she responded, sometimes she didn't). 

Let's do this together.   We deserve better. 

[BookFace]

love2give,

In the early days & weeks following a brutal discard by my exBPDbf, I would go about three days before I would send a message to him. It was like a "release" of sorts for me. Of course, they all went ignored. I was forced to send them thru Facebook. When I would call his phone - I would immediately be dumped into voicemail. Using Facebook - I would get the little message that showed "seen at" and a check mark showing it had been read. That hurt like hell. Reading it and simply ignoring me. The Silent Treatment is a brutal form of emotional abuse.

I continued sending messages for about six weeks following the discard. All went ignored. Showed me I had zero worth to him. So I started journaling instead. Whenever I would feel the urge to reach out to him - I would write it down on paper instead. Then read it back to myself. It helped to calm me and kept me from sending the actual message. Eventually, No Contact got easier. It will for you, too. It takes time. Just time.

I'm about seventeen months out from being dumped by him. He resurfaced in December on Facebook. I didn't take the bait. Now he's playing occasional phone games and probably has found another way to spy on me using FB. Whatever. I read somewhere that it takes on average eighteen months to recover from a BPD "interaction".  I'm just about at that point - and feel pretty indifferent other than paying attention to what my counselors tell me in that he's not done with me. You will get there, too. I promise! I will always care for him - but it has to be from a distance.

Making a journal is a brilliant way to get things off of your chest. My split from my partner (who I speculate may have BPD or at least shows traits) was 2 months ago. I begged, remained in contact via text, email - and tried everything I could to make her see clearly. We even have a child together. All was to no avail.

My texts would be replied to after a few hours, which I know is not like her and she knows too, which is all part of her game. I'd often get replies of "Ok" - which is one of her biggest annoyances.

By creating a journal (basically an email in my drafts folder with date entries), I've been able to really vent some of my frustration. I've even worded it as though I'm addressing it to her. Should my ex ever have a change of heart, I may send her the journal and hopefully i'll be in a good position to not give in to her. That said, I do think this recent split is final.

[dansure]

Hi love2give,

similar to the previous posters I can also tell you that I can totally relate.

During the first 4 weeks after the break up with my ex (I assume she has BPD) I had the urge to contact her as well... . and I did. I send her text messages, which she all ignored. She actually started to block me on one media after the other (whatsapp, viber, facebook etc.). At some point I called her and she ignored my calls many times. When she finally picked up, all she had so say how happy she is that the relationship has ended and how the year we were together was the worst year of her life.

I was devastated. I finally stopped calling her or texting her any message anymore. That was 4 month ago and ever since then we have NC.

I recommend you to fight that urge to call her. Other people told me here as well that I shouldn't do it, but I still did and I only got hurt. Keep in mind that she is disordered and that you can't reason with her, since she painted you black by now. Black or white, all or nothing. It sounds so stupid that there are really people out there who think this way... . I had trouble believing it myself... but after several calls with my ex I finally realized that it is true.

Keep NC and you will see that at some point the urge to call her will disappear. And the more distance you get from her, the more you will realize that you actually don't really want her back.

I realized that even when all the things that went wrong during the relationships were my mistakes (as she claims), I would not want to ever date her again for the sole fact that she totally ignored me after our break up. I think this is one of the most disrespectful things you can do to another person.

[Aussie0zborn]

I feel I'm on the newbies page here so excuse my intrusion. "No Contact" is the only way to go. As detailed above, you can't reason with a person with this disorder and so you set yourself up for disappointment, further frustration and humiliation. This forum is full of discussions on this and there's a lot to be learned from reading them all.

Find something to take your mind off things. Practise NC and you will soon sense the feeling of recovering. It's a nice feeling and you deserve it, but  only you can give that to yourself. Once recovered, you can see the relationship for what it was and file it away.

[BookFace]

Hi love2give,

similar to the previous posters I can also tell you that I can totally relate.

During the first 4 weeks after the break up with my ex (I assume she has BPD) I had the urge to contact her as well... . and I did. I send her text messages, which she all ignored. She actually started to block me on one media after the other (whatsapp, viber, facebook etc.). At some point I called her and she ignored my calls many times. When she finally picked up, all she had so say how happy she is that the relationship has ended and how the year we were together was the worst year of her life.

I was devastated. I finally stopped calling her or texting her any message anymore. That was 4 month ago and ever since then we have NC.

I recommend you to fight that urge to call her. Other people told me here as well that I shouldn't do it, but I still did and I only got hurt. Keep in mind that she is disordered and that you can't reason with her, since she painted you black by now. Black or white, all or nothing. It sounds so stupid that there are really people out there who think this way... . I had trouble believing it myself... but after several calls with my ex I finally realized that it is true.

Keep NC and you will see that at some point the urge to call her will disappear. And the more distance you get from her, the more you will realize that you actually don't really want her back.

I realized that even when all the things that went wrong during the relationships were my mistakes (as she claims), I would not want to ever date her again for the sole fact that she totally ignored me after our break up. I think this is one of the most disrespectful things you can do to another person.

Absolutely. You will receive the blame for everything, but when you resist the temptation to take the blame for a happy outcome (which probably won't happen anyway - as it'll just be used for justification of her actions), you will start to see that you weren't completely to blame. Yeah, a relationship takes two and you probably did do things that annoyed him/her but PLEASE know that you can not take complete responsibility for his / her inability to maintain a grown up relationship.

You will be able to see the relationship and the fallout of the relationship from a much better angle, once you reach a point of disconnection. You'll realise that in fact, this is the best outcome and you will be better for experiencing and going through what you are. It has taken me 7 weeks. I'm not naive enough to think i'm through it, but I'm in a much better place than a few weeks ago. I will have some days when i'm down, but i'll have plenty more that are up and i'm feeling good.

My initial reaction to the split was to find a replacement, to fill a void. Wrong. I'm now focusing on myself, my studies and rediscovering myself. I see it as i've been set free, I don't want a replacement and don't need a replacement.

Focus on yourself, hang in there, you will get there!

[dansure]

You will be able to see the relationship and the fallout of the relationship from a much better angle, once you reach a point of disconnection.

Exactly. This is the true power of NC in my opinion. After so many month of gaslighting, blameshifting and other behaviors I really believed that I was the problem by the end of the relationship. She told me so many times that I am aggressiv, that I love fights and that the she changed because I treated her to badly that I started to believe it at some point. And that's why I had the urge to call her, I felt that she was telling the truth and that I need to call her, fix things and try to get her back.

Fast forward 4 month... . now that some time passed I look back at all those situations where she claimed that I was mean/aggressiv/not understanding and so on and I realize that I always REACTED to some her disordered behaviors. I also realized that she was an awful girlfriend and ask myself why I didn't break up long before the relationship ended.

There is NO WAY I would contact her again, I don't want to know what she is doing whatsoever. I rather stay single than being in that relationship again. Love2give keep NC and you will come to that conclusion as well.

[love2give]

Thank you ALL so much.  Reading your experiences brings a little bit of hope for recovery in the future from what has been the worst breakup of my life.

I have to be honest and tell you all that the reasoning, FOR NOW, with going NC is hoping maybe she will contact me if I avoid her.  She most likely never will.  I hope in time the NC will be for the reasons you have all stated which is to stay away from them.

You give me strength, thank you

[Allmessedup]

Love 2 give.

I know it is so very hard!  I am 6 1/2 weeks nc.  In all the many many recycles I never made it past the 4 day mark either unti this time. 

I think I finally after 3.5 years got fed up. 

I too wrote letters to her I saved in my phone and never sent.n I blocked her on fb as that was only feeding things. 

I have a 24 hour rule for myself.  I wait 24 hours... . if I feel the same way then I would send whatever I had written.  So far largely thanks to this forum I have not sent any letters.

I try to focus on me.  I journal obsessively.  I work out a lot and do things for myself... spoil myself.

There is not one right way to do this... . and it is hugely hard.  But looking at what brought you to the relationship helps.  Remembering who you were before the relationship helps.  And sometimes I need to look back and see what all drove me from it as well.

Keep posting!