Anger Off the Scale

[nolisan]

I just found out that I got warts from my ex. Thank god they are facial and not genital.

Man I am freaked and very, very, very angry. It is a good thing that she is hundreds of miles away at an unknown location (NC for 1.5 years).

This has really put icing on the cake. I feel re-raped and re-traumatized.

Seeing a counselor tomorrow as well as my doctor. I need to deal with this re-emergent anger.

I just need to vent right now. I am in recovery - had 3 years sober when I met her in AlAnon. She had 20+ years in recovery. I don't think she was ever and addict/alcoholic - she leaned toward the "co" groups AlAnon and CoDA. She had a pattern of r/s with addicts/alcoholics.

I see now that the "recovery world" was her hunting ground - a place for her to find wounded people that filled her void. This is know as 13th Stepping - people with longer term recovery picking up "newbies". It is a very exploitative act and a dark side of the recovery world. Just because someone has long term sobriety / recovery doesn't mean they are healthy. Many have sex and love addictions.

I also see now how I was used sexually in addition to the emotional and financial abuse. I was very vulnerable. She was my first sex and love relation in sobriety. It was like loosing my virginity again and really the first time I had made the deep connection of sex WITH love. 

She used sex to manipulate me. Sex was always on her terms.

She was also into the supernatural - a pagan witch. I get a chill now when I wonder what she was "getting and taking" from me. It makes me want to puke.

Right now I am repulsed even thinking about sex. I know that isn't healthy. It feels like what I thought was a new healing frontier in my sobriety has be ripped out of my heart. Defrauded, betrayed, raped!

Once again I am glad she is far away - for her sake and mine.

[Waifed]

It totally sucks and I understand your anger.  Unfortunately at this point it is what it is.  They are the gift that keeps giving.  I have felt duped and used but slowly I am coming out of it and am beginning to realize that what happened is the past and I can choose to dwell on it or I can move forward.  Of course the depression lifting has helped.  It has taken me 5 months to feel this way! I've been back and forth so many times.  :)on't beat yourself up to bad.  Channel that anger totally towards her!  BTW, I still don't care much about having sex.  Maybe I used up all my sex drive during the 3 year relationship  She couldn't have me if she wanted me now.