Supervised visitation would be a goal depending on how he acts, and if he stays in therapy. He takes them to his parents' house, so usually there are other people there anyway. But still, anything can happen. I'd like supervised if he doesn't get his issues together.
So I guess my real goal with having a PC is to keep an eye on that. If a PC believes he needs supervised, I'd go for supervised. Plus, a PC can lessen the tension in our communication and decision making. I am intimidated by him because I hate when he's angry. But I have to deal with him when deciding things with the kids. I'd like it to be a bit smoother. I feel like it can't hurt to have someone monitoring the situation. I've only chosen PC's with a mental health background.
Your goals seem vague, momtara. I think you might be struggling with this because you are feeling undecided about your relationship, and about your ex's stability. If your goal is contingent on whether he does x or y, then he is driving everything and you are reacting. If your goal is that you want x, then you decide what must happen in order to get there.
My experience is that no one is going to figure that part out for you. My ex had a psychotic episode that was fully documented, and we had a PC involved, and it was even in the parenting coordinator order that she could make custody recommendations. But she didn't. And I wouldn't want her to -- I'm the parent. I am capable of making that decision.
If your goal is to get supervised visitation, then start documenting things that will build your case. Maybe you want his parents to be the supervisors, so document the ways in which they are reliable and help your ex be a better parent. When you present this in court, you can always toss in the part about wanting him to get a psych eval or treatment as a contingency to getting unsupervised parenting back.
If your goal is to have sole legal custody, then start documenting things that will build your case. You have a PC involved that has experience with your ex's issues. Maybe you'll end up with two or three PCs with the same experience. Document everything that demonstrates he cannot make good decisions, or he cannot coparent, and how that effects the kids. If having a PC is the best way to monitor and document the situation, then keep a PC involved.
I'm not saying these are your goals, or that these are the only ways to achieve them, just trying to give you an idea about what it means to state them clearly. If you are vague, your process will be vague. If your goals are contingent on things you cannot control, like whether your ex is stable, or whether he gets therapy, then your goals are going to bob around in the water.
Right now it seems like you are hoping the PC will decide what the goal is. Or you will get around to deciding on a goal based on how your ex behaves.
You have had two good outcomes from court, both of which generated a lot of fear and anxiety for you. That says a lot. You are 2 for 2 at this point. Your instincts are good, and people around you are validating those instincts. They agree that there is something wrong. If you get clear about what you want -- goals, objectives, strategies, suggestions for your ex -- there are good signs that court will listen to you.
