I stood up for myself so she admitted herself to the psych hospital

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I don't even know how to process this.

With the encouragement of my T, I slowly have set limits to give myself some time out of the house, and away from her.  The consequences it appears, are  escalating.  Especially due to job and professional stressors that need to be solved first.  Then (in about another 8 weeks) will I even begin to think about the dreaded "us."

But what I have learned here that she is the master of her won fate and it is her job to get herself stabilized: not mine, not ever again.

SO:  I told her my job right now is first since there was a major regieme change, I got a 25% paycut, and am being relocated to another office.  I need to be a team player and put away some of the bitterness that has me very angry. After asking enough people over the last two months, I have my answer and found myself betrayed by a co-worker.  Ow that hurts like heck.  For the most part I have been very aloof from all at work; none know of these recent antics. I am not looking for any sympathy.  I have decided that it is time to move on from this job and I am going to put my best foot forward.

As that unfolded, I found I needed to renew a professional license 10 days before it was due. It meant flying out of state to get continuing credits in that state.  Leaving her alone with the kids.

As you all can imagine, that fueled her anxiety to the nth degree. So much so that her P added a new med that made her worse to the point of verbalizing suicide.  I quickly made the house safe, her Dad flew in to take care of the kids, and I flew out for my credits. 

The next day, at 12:30pm I get a text "I called 911." 

Of course you know how manipulation like that can make you feel, which is precisely a part of this mood disorder for the Non's.

She called 911 after finding a bottle of pills I had forgotten to stash in the back of my car (since I was driving to my airport). She waited until I was out of town and her Dad had taken the kids out to lunch.  She admitted herself, had some meds changed, and of course after seeing how bad off the other people were, she came to the conclusion she was not that bad.  Even the lady who wore potato chips in her hair was "worse off than me."  I'm not so sure about that.  She had talked herself out of the hospital by Wednesday. Of course when I had no help and her Dad had left to go home.

"You will take me back, won't you?"

It sends shivers down my spine to hear things like that.

I had to take to take two more half days off from work to get the kids from school, because she is "incapable" of driving. 

I told her on Saturday I needed three hours off .":)on't leave me here alone with the kids."  I told her she could always call 911 if she needed.  I left.  She did call twice but I did not answer.

She is manipulating again, but her folks came back to town.  As I try and search for after school help and pay bills and do laundry and dishes, I appreciate this temporary help, but it's only temporary. 

I so don't know why I keep saying yes.  Why can't I stop it?

I find myself inattentive, I feel so worn down from all of this.

I think I need as much help as she does. 

[gary seven]

I don't even know how to process this.

With the encouragement of my T, I slowly have set limits to give myself some time out of the house, and away from her.  The consequences it appears, are  escalating.  Especially due to job and professional stressors that need to be solved first.  Then (in about another 8 weeks) will I even begin to think about the dreaded "us."

But what I have learned here that she is the master of her won fate and it is her job to get herself stabilized: not mine, not ever again.

SO:  I told her my job right now is first since there was a major regieme change, I got a 25% paycut, and am being relocated to another office.  I need to be a team player and put away some of the bitterness that has me very angry. After asking enough people over the last two months, I have my answer and found myself betrayed by a co-worker.  Ow that hurts like heck.  For the most part I have been very aloof from all at work; none know of these recent antics. I am not looking for any sympathy.  I have decided that it is time to move on from this job and I am going to put my best foot forward.

As that unfolded, I found I needed to renew a professional license 10 days before it was due. It meant flying out of state to get continuing credits in that state.  Leaving her alone with the kids.

As you all can imagine, that fueled her anxiety to the nth degree. So much so that her P added a new med that made her worse to the point of verbalizing suicide.  I quickly made the house safe, her Dad flew in to take care of the kids, and I flew out for my credits. 

The next day, at 12:30pm I get a text "I called 911." 

Of course you know how manipulation like that can make you feel, which is precisely a part of this mood disorder for the Non's.

She called 911 after finding a bottle of pills I had forgotten to stash in the back of my car (since I was driving to my airport). She waited until I was out of town and her Dad had taken the kids out to lunch.  She admitted herself, had some meds changed, and of course after seeing how bad off the other people were, she came to the conclusion she was not that bad.  Even the lady who wore potato chips in her hair was "worse off than me."  I'm not so sure about that.  She had talked herself out of the hospital by Wednesday. Of course when I had no help and her Dad had left to go home.

"You will take me back, won't you?"

It sends shivers down my spine to hear things like that.

I had to take to take two more half days off from work to get the kids from school, because she is "incapable" of driving. 

I told her on Saturday I needed three hours off .":)on't leave me here alone with the kids."  I told her she could always call 911 if she needed.  I left.  She did call twice but I did not answer.

She is manipulating again, but her folks came back to town.  As I try and search for after school help and pay bills and do laundry and dishes, I appreciate this temporary help, but it's only temporary. 

I so don't know why I keep saying yes.  Why can't I stop it?

I find myself inattentive, I feel so worn down from all of this.

I think I need as much help as she does. 

[tired-of-it-all]

She is certainly manipulating you.  My BPDWife will always try something when I am out of town.  When she knows that there is nothing that I can do.  She then denies having done it when I get back home.

I have learned to ignore my wife and detach from her game.  It is painful during the transition but it works.  She eventually quit trying.  I am at the point in my life that if my wife were to come to my workplace and run naked around the office, I would ignore her.  That is her not me.  :)etachment takes a little practice but it works.

Obviously you need to be worrying about your job.  If you lose your job, I suspect that your wife will blame you and criticize you.  All of this will be to deflect any blame from herself.

Please try to take care of you.  It sounds like you have some help and support with the kids in the form of her father.  That is great that he will help you.  Try to be good to yourself.  :)o some simple things that you enjoy.  Take a walk, read a book, attend a movie, take a nap.  Little things mean a lot and they are truly the essence of life and happiness.  

Folks on this forum are probably tired of me evangelizing for alanon, but it is a great support group.  Your spouse doesn't have to be an alcoholic for you to attend.  The alanon group will help you to learn to detach.  They will give you a safe place to relax and unwind and learn to take care of yourself.

Good luck.

[gary seven]

Well T-o-I-a: I have been asking my T for a support group, even wrote to the BPD family asking if.when they may have a family connections on-line group seminar, but I had not thought of alanon.

Is it an ok place to just sit and cry?  I feel like such a failure, especially as a Dad for my oldest s9, who is emotionally as sensitive as me.  I so want to give him a grat childhood, but I am hampered by his mother, laying in bed/laying in state unablt to interact much beyond watching a tv show with him.  Oh how it hurts.

I will look for a group tonight.  Like I tell my customers, trying something new is like a shoe: if it doesn't fit try another pair.  Comfortable shoes are key, as is a pen that writes.

I did do an interlibrary loan for the high conflict couple book, it finally arrived from the next county, I just have to make time to read it.

[tired-of-it-all]

It is a very safe place to cry, talk or be silent.  Whatever is right for you.  I have shed a lot of tears in alanon.  I have seen many others do the same.  I hope you give it a try.  There are lots of meeting all around.  Find the group or groups that are right for you.  Give it a chance.  We suggest 6 meetings.  If you don't like it, we give you your misery back.  Good luck.

[ShameLessLover]

This would be my story if I ever stood up for my self, which I am planning to do.

Things will just be worse. W has no parents around, her closest relatives live in another country.And our baby is only 8 months old.

So, we feel your pain.

[gary seven]

Update from the Mental Hospital:

Well all we do is treat 'em and street 'em.  So she came home after 4 days on a new combination of meds which took away the suicidality but replaced it with a deep, searing depression.

What is the hardest to handle is that I am afraid of enabling this relationship.  Do I want her to get better?  Sure.  Do I love her? sure.  Is she a stable person to be raising kids:  Not sure. 

It's hard for me to even hug her; she is crying constantly and now has taken to lying motionless on the bed or in the tv room. 

So her P changed meds again and considers her medication-resistant.  Options include residential facility or experimental treatments.  And then what?  Have her come home?  She is the kids Mom, but is of no use. 

I am scared of next week.  My SIL refuses to come to help with the kids if my wife is present in the house.  I have reached out to some of her family:  they are now telling me that these last few weeks have scared them so much that's why they don't return my calls.  And I'm not even the one with the illness.

I have asked my  faith-based social service agency for help.  Ditto for spiritual leader.

My oldest S9 has figured out that Mommy is very sick.  He is clingy and huggy so I cling back and hug back and hold back the tears, because the last thing he needs is two parents crying.

And what if she accepts this treatment?  How long before she cycles back and gets "better?"  And wants to come home to cook, clean, and do the laundry?  There is so much more of a happy child hood I want to give my kids than this awful hell.   They so don't deserve it.