DS6

[raytamtay3]

For the past couple of months we've been getting reports from either DS's teacher or an older gentlemen in his after school program about DS's behavior. From the teacher, it's reports of him being distruptive in that he talks to his friends during class or doesn't pay attention to assignments. After school it's that he curses.  This past Monday, EXh's week, DS got suspended for a day from the after school program. Apparently another child told the older gentlemen that DS cursed and when he called him over to discuss it, DS got shy and wouldn't go to him. So he took that as it being true and suspended him. Do I agree with how it was handled in this instance? No, but my son needs to learn to be respectful, that he is not an adult and even adults shouldn't curse as I've told him and pay attention in school.

EXH said he reamed out the old man. Told him he has to work and that he will have to go to the after school program. Then he said the old man said well than tell the mother to pick him up. I keep in mind that he is an older gentlemen (around 80). Long story short EX got to choose the day for the suspension and chose tomorrow. But instead of picking DS up after school or having him go to a daycare that we use for emergencies, he is keeping him home from school and taking him to DD's treatment plan meeting! I think that is utterly ridiculous. Number 1 reason being is because DS is already doing poorly in school and cannot afford to miss a day for something like this and number 2, HE SHOULD NOT BE AROUND DISCUSSIONS ABOUT DD'S TREATMENT! God my ex makes my blood boil. I know you cannot make a parent be a good parent. And I know I have no control over this, but he is just stupid. There, I said it. He's a stupid head.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

So Ray the consequence was getting the day off school? hmmmm... . I don't know how this is going to deter him from swearing in the future. Do you have a parenting plan with your H? I know you can't control what your H does but what was your consequence for him for swearing?

[raytamtay3]

No we dont have a parenting plan in place. I would love to but he wpnt follow it anyway. I havent seen ds yet after the swearing incident, but am deciding on a punishmebt.

[raytamtay3]

I'm getting worried about DS and his behavior at school. The difference between him and my DD at that age is that she had the same behavior at school and home. And the other difference is that DD was disrespectful whereas DS is not.  But DS is fine at home. At least with me. I can't speak for my exh, although he says he's fine but mentioned in our phone conversation last night that he isn't as good with him on the weekends. He skimmed over that.

I forgot about a parent-teacher meeting last night, but my ex went. He said the look on the teacher's face was the look of pure disgust. Said DS yells accross the room to his friends, gets up from his seat and doesn't pay attention. Now of course because I've been dealing with this crap for so long with DD and have some experience as a result under my belt, I firmly believe DS to have ADHD. But of course the ex doesn't think so. Wants to transfer him to catholic school next year and get him involved in karate again. The ladder I agree with and have in fact had him in last summer and the teacher said that he was fine the first three months of the school year until it ended. So I'm going to look in to signing him up again.  My ex said he almost cried when the teacher mentioned about possible therapy saying he doesn't want to go down that road again. I reminded him that now is the time to do it (early intervention) and gently reminded him that was how I wanted to proceed with DD. He was the obstical standing in the way of that. I didn't say that part though.

[peaceplease]

raytamtay,

Can you get him evaluated for ADHD through the school?  My dd was about 7 when I requested an evaluation at her school.  My dd went to Catholic school for 8 years.  I really wish there was school choice back then.  I felt so strongly about it, that I wrote a persuasive paper on it in my writing class.  My professor agreed with me, as she had problems with her son in school.  I am not saying there is a problem with your ds school.  However, there was problem with the lack of services that my dd received going to a parochial school.  What actually helped her was the size of her class dwindled down to 9 by the time she was in thrid grade.  The small class size coupled with SOME good teachers thorughout the years(with exception of grades 4 and 6) was a consolation.  I did not like the school district that we lived in and could not afford to live on my own in another district.  I was an adult school student at the time.  I could  only afford the rent at my mom's. 

Oh wow, my ADD is shining here!   I was trying to emphasize that paraochial school is not a good choice if a child has ADHD.

I think karate is an excellent idea. I hear that it teaches kids discipline.  My ds was into it briefly when he was a child. Then he wanted to wrestle, and it was free!  However, in hindsight, I wish we would have stayed with karate. 

I wish ex would agree to have your ds at least evaluated.  Maybe, he will agree in time.  I can imagine that he is fearful of going down that road. 

My dd was an angel at school.  She drove me crazy at home, though!  My gs is the same way.