Well, There She Goes

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

A year ago, in the midst of a recycle attempt (she almost reeled me in), my wife threw me overboard (again).  She moved in with a "boy toy."  He is 14 years younger than us.  This did massive damage to my self esteem.  I thought there must be something "wrong" with me to get dumped by her so many times. Well, she has now thrown her hot, young boy toy overboard as well.  Turns out she was sleeping with another guy before the breakup happened.  I figured this might happen, but also thought maybe she had found "Mr. Right" and would behave herself with him.  She is now on to the next man in her unending series of relationships.  Who knows, maybe this new guy is the man she has longed for... .

Fiddlestix

[fiddlestix]

A year ago, in the midst of a recycle attempt (she almost reeled me in), my wife threw me overboard (again).  She moved in with a "boy toy."  He is 14 years younger than us.  This did massive damage to my self esteem.  I thought there must be something "wrong" with me to get dumped by her so many times. Well, she has now thrown her hot, young boy toy overboard as well.  Turns out she was sleeping with another guy before the breakup happened.  I figured this might happen, but also thought maybe she had found "Mr. Right" and would behave herself with him.  She is now on to the next man in her unending series of relationships.  Who knows, maybe this new guy is the man she has longed for... .

Fiddlestix

[Turkish]

A year ago, in the midst of a recycle attempt (she almost reeled me in), my wife threw me overboard (again).  She moved in with a "boy toy."  He is 14 years younger than us.  This did massive damage to my self esteem.

My uBPDx is 11 years younger than me. Her boy toy is 8 years younger than her, so he's young enough to be my son. I'm sure she thinks he is more of "a man" than me, but objectively, that is ridiculous.

 

I thought there must be something "wrong" with me to get dumped by her so many times. Well, she has now thrown her hot, young boy toy overboard as well.  Turns out she was sleeping with another guy before the breakup happened.  I figured this might happen, but also thought maybe she had found "Mr. Right" and would behave herself with him.  She is now on to the next man in her unending series of relationships.  Who knows, maybe this new guy is the man she has longed for... .

What they long for is a fantasy construct of an attachment disorder, demonstrated by their love addiction. Perhaps it still stings your self esteem a bit, but seeing this play out must feel validating, no?

[fiddlestix]

Yes, Turkish, to see that her same patterns persist with other men tells me that her BP disorder is the common denominator.  Unbelievable how it plays out in textbook fashion.  And she is a marriage and family counselor, with full knowledge of BPD!  BPD is the culprit, NOT the men (although we all have our faults). I hear her last boy friend was an ok guy.  Her mother said he was like a "young me."  I feel sorry for the young man.  Perhaps he will be on this board soon LOL. 

She is a very dominant, loud, opinionated, intelligent woman... . and sexy and seductive, too.  I think my wife has to have a "whipping boy" who will adore and worship her... . for awhile.  Then it gets old and she needs a new "whipping boy."  But she is 48... . how many more years can she do this? 

Fiddle

[Trent]

FWIW, as a boy toy/whipping boy almost 20 years younger than my uBPDexgf, I can readily attest that we get thrown overboard as well.  I'm 36, she's 55.  Now that she's almost blown through all of her money from her last of 5 divorces, I'm pretty sure her next victim will be an older man with the resources to provide the lifestyle she feels she's entitled too.  LOL.  Poor guy.