Sharing my opinion

[rubyhammer]

Here's what happened today:

My uBPDw has been rude to me all day long, cold-shoulder, silent treatment, telling me how to act, etc.

We went out to eat with our D9.  During dinner the topic of school came up.  I shared that I felt it was best if D8 went to public school next year (3rd grade).  My wife thinks we should homeschool.  I stated that I am not able to help with homeschool at this time because I don't have enough time or energy to do it properly.

When I said that she stopped talking to me and ignored me for the rest of the meal and the whole ride home.

I'm very tired of having my wife get angry and upset with me whenever I share how I feel about something.  I'm tired of living in constant fear of her cold-shoulder, her silent treatment, her angry outbursts, her lectures, her telling me how to feel and act.

I've decided not to interact with her when she treats me like this.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[tired-of-it-all]

Dear Ruby,

Stay away from homeschool if you can.  My wife and I did this for years.  She convinced me that it was the best thing for our kids.  I believed it was the Christian thing to do.  My wife did very little schooling when I wasn't there to watch.  All my kids tell that they had to learn what they learned on their own.

More importantly, this is how my wife managed to isolated the family from everyone else.  I have a large family and my older kids are very emotionally damaged because of our isolation and my wife's failure to teach them to properly mix.  I thought it was the right thing.  It was not.  My oldest daughter says that she feels emotionally retarded.  She is 30 years old.

In regard to the cold shoulder:  Your wife is trying to manipulate you.  Ignore her bulls**t.  It is the only thing that will work.  She is not going to be happy regardless of what you do.  She will play this childish game as long as you play it with her.  Do not do this to your children.  Do not play the game with her.  Drop your end of the rope in this tug of war.  TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO NOT BE SUCKED INTO HER GAME BY REFUSING TO PLAY.  THEY WILL LEARN FAST.

[an0ught]

Hi rubyhammer,

My wife thinks we should homeschool.  I stated that I am not able to help with homeschool at this time because I don't have enough time or energy to do it properly.

When I said that she stopped talking to me and ignored me for the rest of the meal and the whole ride home.

you got a strong argument and you are in a good position to push this through. She knows that and she knows things will change. She is loosing tight control of the kids. She is loosing meaning in her life. She knows not what will happen. Of course she is not happy with the change. This is important to her. She will run against that decision until it is implemented or she is out of power.

I'm very tired of having my wife get angry and upset with me whenever I share how I feel about something.  I'm tired of living in constant fear of her cold-shoulder, her silent treatment, her angry outbursts, her lectures, her telling me how to feel and act.

I've decided not to interact with her when she treats me like this.

Good move. This is a slow moving extinction burst. It is hard to get through that but once you are on the other side life gets easier.

Hang in there 

[formflier]

Yes... stay away from homeschooling.  I don't think my experience was as bad as tired of it all... . but I am much happier that my kids are in public school and that we only have to deal the BPD drama during homework.

Dear Ruby,

Stay away from homeschool if you can.  My wife and I did this for years.  She convinced me that it was the best thing for our kids.  I believed it was the Christian thing to do.  My wife did very little schooling when I wasn't there to watch.  All my kids tell that they had to learn what they learned on their own.

More importantly, this is how my wife managed to isolated the family from everyone else.  I have a large family and my older kids are very emotionally damaged because of our isolation and my wife's failure to teach them to properly mix.  I thought it was the right thing.  It was not.  My oldest daughter says that she feels emotionally retarded.  She is 30 years old.

In regard to the cold shoulder:  Your wife is trying to manipulate you.  Ignore her bulls**t.  It is the only thing that will work.  She is not going to be happy regardless of what you do.  She will play this childish game as long as you play it with her.  Do not do this to your children.  Do not play the game with her.  Drop your end of the rope in this tug of war.  TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO NOT BE SUCKED INTO HER GAME BY REFUSING TO PLAY.  THEY WILL LEARN FAST.