She tried to date someone online...

[blueman54321]

So its been just over 2 weeks since we have split. She tried to date someone online in her local vicinity immediately (like 1 day). When that failed she started and is continuing to groom a guy 3000 miles away in America.

I went to see her yesterday and we did talk, although she is in her Queen waif mode and feels justified although with her Mum there she had to admit some things. Anyway she obviously feels justified in everything she has done and still lacks any empathy really.

She is keeping me in the loop. We are chatting every day and even though she didn't want to talk to me at all last week she is getting more cutesy towards me. She puts a kiss at the end of some messages. She phones me up and talks about her day (probably because of the 8 hour time difference with this other guy). She told me she was dreaming about me last night.

I told her that she should tell this new guy about her personality disorder before he gets too emotionally involved, she understood that yesterday. This guy clearly has issues himself or he wouldn't be going along with this (taken down his dating website profile and agreeing she visit him in 6 months.) She told me today that she won't do that because she doesn't think anything will happen anyway. She is conflicted because I think she knows it's all wrong.

She has already split him black twice for 'ignoring her' because he is always busy. She removed her profile and told him it was over last time. And told me he was ugly and it defintely wasn't going to happen. He was angry and said he liked her but this is crazy. The next day they reinstigated. They've only been chatting for a little over a week.

She has also bought a chastity ring in an attempt to not add any more notches to her list (she is ashamed of her behaviour in the past).

I am being fed just enough to keep me interested. We literally talk for hours in the day time. I am her acting boyfriend because even though she is infactuated with him I think she wants me as backup even though she says no. We talked about the breakup when I went to see her and I think she realises we broke up stupidly. But she doesn't seem to have any feelings for me.

She knows I still have a lot of feelings for her. And I am conflicted. Without contacting her my life turns to hell. While contacting her I feel a lot better but I know it's a lie. And even if it wasn't I would be angry with her if we got back together.

I think as soon as it gets to around 8pm she starts talking to him and fobs me off with excuses.

She has just started talking to me this moment infact.

I am inclined to cling on to her because I'm a fool, I'm lonely, and I can't get rid of my feelings. I know it's wrong.

Anyone else had this behaviour before?

[GreenMango]

It's painful to be in this situation.  Watching her date and just ending the relationship but still talking and having that emotional connection.

Have you talked about taking some time apart?  Did you discuss what this might be like?

[blueman54321]

I can't really talk to her about anything like that. I know now she is a child and I have been looking past it for so many years.

Her LDR relationship has fallen through (the guy went awol). I just feel like her therapist now she asks me constant questions about it. I think she understand now and is coming out of her downward spiral of the last month. I think the constant rejection is making her think more about herself.

She tells me I was her only love but seems to not be budging on thinking about us as a couple again. I don't press and infact my feelings for her are getting more distant the more I realise she is a child, they turn more to shame and depression and anger by the day. It's amazing that I often feel like I don't even want to know her. Even after 4.5 years and her cruel and mindless behaviour over the breakup (which wouldnt of happened if she was normal), she is still an emotional drain and still a selfish friend. I'm sad I gave up so much for her. This is what scares me now if I'll ever be whole again and happy from her fallout. I learn she is a manipulator, a lie, a fake person, and when her chips are down and out she rejoices in it, taking what she wants and saying what she wants despite everything, everything I have done for her. Everything I gave up for her. Despite loving her.

One thing I said to her yesterday which made me think again that I'm dealing with a child. After a flippant and cruel comment from her, I retaliated with anger. Which in her mind gave her an excuse to be particularly vile and show complete contempt to me. She of course wouldn't apologise, and some how it was my fault and she was justified in being completely vile because I got angry. She said "I apologised though". I had to tell her, like you would tell a child, that you simply can't say anything you like and expect to get away with it because you quickly apologise. She's not just a fake person. She's a vile person. A split person. An extremely cruel, psychopathic child tucked away under whatever she wants to give off to entice or groom her victims. Totally self centered. Prying on the only thing that drives us, the only thing that lets our guard down, love. A true demon of sorts.

Apparently I was the only person she's ever loved. She's got a weird way of showing it.

I'm giving up now. Time to sort myself out. We are on friends terms now but that switches at the drop of a hat. I have a lot of work to do on myself. And with time that work will all be about me, not her, it has started already, but the depression holds me back, the loneliness holds me back, and coming to terms with the acceptance of loss is something I struggle with. The consequences of the her hold me back. But I will get there. I have no choice.

One day at a time.

[GreenMango]

Don't be her therapist.

do you have one for yourself?

Apparently I was the only person she's ever loved. She's got a weird way of showing it.

pretty powerful realization.  It's definitely worth considering.