Stopping in to say hello

[seekinglight]

It has been awhile since I have written, I surprised myself by remembering how to sign in.

For those who are more recent our 18 year old daughter, Eva, died of an overdose of her pain medication dec. of 2011. Hard to comprehend it is two and a half years ago.

What prompted my posting, tomorrow is the five year mark of her first overdose. She almost died then, unconscious in Boston Children's hospital for 36 hours. We had been through out patient treatment, therapist, physical therapist, acupuncture, anything suggested we did. All chasing after something that would bring back our loving talented intelligent child. Now I realize she left us then, somewhere she got lost, and only glimpses of Eva ever showed again.

We did physically have her for a few more years, much raging and pain. It wore us out more physically and emotionally than we could admit. When she died the grief felt so huge, we were so blindsided ( suicide had been stalking us but we had blinders on), that for months we lived on muscle memory. We did what we were accustomed to do, but lived a bit outside our lives.

Last June I began to emerge from the exhaustion. One and a half years to feel rested, only to face the emotional journey I had traveled. I needed to acknowledge my anger, my bitter loss, my pain and most shockingly my relief. It was finished, my Eva could rest in peace. I cling to that comfort now, no longer hearing it as a banal phrase but as a promise: to rest in peace.

I read here often, and just as often take a break. We all love out children so deeply, and the pain is vast. I have only the highest admiration for all of us: we love when it makes no sense to, and I truly believe our children feel the love- it gets through their barriers. My daughter's last words to both her father and I where "I love you." And those were the last words she heard from me.

So on this milestone day I wish all of us an overflowing measure of love, and peace 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lever.]

I am so sorry for your loss and wish you peace.

Your post is inspirational:

"We love when it makes no sense to, and our children feel that love"

-just what I needed .to hear among the petty irritation and frustration.

This is a post that I will remember when things are difficult 

[hopeangel]

Seeking light - this is just what we need to hear sometimes to help make it through the rough days!

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for posting!

I am so so sorry for your loss!  The fact that you have found peace is a truely amazing feat of strength on your part and I wish that peace remain with you for the rest of your days for all you have suffered!

I also wish love peace for every single one of us on here too and THANK you!

[tristesse]

I am overwhelmed with sadness for you. I sat here reading your short post with tears in my eyes, a lump in my throat and an ache in my heart. I am so sorry for your loss, but commend your bravery and ability to go on. I Think if I lost a child, I would not be able to go on. My BPD daughter has made 3 suicide attempts in her life, all 3 of them were so heartbreaking for me, and I had to thank God that all 3 times she failed.My heart  goes out to your family, Thank you for sharing and may God bless you.

[Being Mindful]

Seeking Light, I am so happy to hear from you. I think about you and Eva so often and wonder how you are. I can't believe it is 2 1/2 years already. YES, I believe that Eva truly is resting in peace. Hugs to you 

[whiletheseasonspass]

Dear Seeking Light,

I'm heartened to see that you posted yet I write back with tears for you, for all you, your family, Eva had gone through. I remember being struck back when you informed us of Eva's passing that her last words were "I love you". I had hoped that those precious words would help you through your journey of living.

Now you repeat these words and I see that you have carried them in your heart.   I am grateful for that ... . for YOU.

And that you know Eva is in a better place and is at peace.

Much love,

Wtsp

 

[peaceplease]

seekinglight,

Thank you for stopping in to post.   Thank you for sharing with us.  It is hard to believe that it has been two and a half years already.

I believe that Eva is at peace, too. 

Wishing you love and peace!

peaceplease

[Thursday]

hello back at you, seekinglight

I am glad to hear you are feeling peace.

Time helps us heal... .

Thursday