Avoiding diagnosis

[isshebpd]

From everything I've read, the most common reason for pwBPD to avoid an official diagnosis is due to their intense denial of any imperfection. That was true for my uBPDmom until recently.

Everyone, including my parents, are finally starting to deal with the level of mental illness in our family. My brother says he has Atypical Depression (which could be masking NPD, in my humble opinion). My enDad is openly hinting about uBPDmom, alluding to abandonment fears. I am quite open about my anxiety, though I don't say I have PTSD (people get it confused with military PTSD).

I'm getting the impression that the reason why my uBPDmom doesn't get diagnosed is simply to avoid problems travelling. Does that make sense?

[Kwamina]

Hi issheBPD,

A lot seems to be changing in your family at the moment. Did anything happen recently that caused your family members to start to acknowledge and deal with the level of mental illness in your family?

I'm getting the impression that the reason why my uBPDmom doesn't get diagnosed is simply to avoid problems travelling. Does that make sense?

Do you mean that your mother is afraid that she won’t be allowed to board an airplaine if she were diagnosed with BPD or any other mental illness? You say you get this impression now, has your mother or any other family members hinted at it?

[HappyChappy]

Can't imaging my BPD or Covert Naracissic bro, ever admitting to their vampire status. But they are both, pathological - way up the scale. Would a diagnosis help in your family's case ? I understand it is rare that a pathological or malignent BPD would change -  regardless of diagnosis. The medical proffesion in this country, are insistant there is no know cure. I also understand this is when a N can become dangerious, if someone tried to lift their mask. Although my vampires have been dangerous - just because of jellously or coverting. No attacks on them needed to bring that out. Maybe a BPD is less defensive - but I know my BPD would work overtime to destroy anyone that accused her of such a thing.

If you get anywhere - do let me know, that would be wonderfull news.

[isshebpd]

One thing that changed is my communications. I lived far away for most of a decade, and even after I moved back I still was out of the loop. This wasn't intentional, show I can be the "Lost Child" at times.

My brother has had serious personal problems for a long time. Back in 2008, he was busted for drinking and driving and only escaped conviction on a technicality (hired an expensive lawyer). He was also in a friend's car, when the friend got arrested (and convicted) for drinking and driving after driving through a fence of our parents' neighbours. Both my brother and his friend were over 30 at the time   Anyhow, I think my brother did get mental health counselling at that point, at the insistence of our embarrassed parents.

A diagnosis of Atypical Depression is far different from admitting to malignant narcissism. My brother has not openly discussed his narcissistic behaviour and I doubt he is being treated for it in any meaningful way. I think our sister, who has two young children, has successfully impressed on our brother that he needs to behave himself at family events. He wears better fitting clothes (he is very obese and was wearing shirts much too small) and no longer plays with his electronic gadgets at the dinner table.

Lately, my brother is trying to be an uncle. I notice he watches me when I talk to our sister's children. He is very competitive, so he doesn't want me to outshine him in the "uncle" department. I commend him for trying to reach out to our niece and nephew, but being around children is not a natural thing for him. He doesn't seem to realize how much he ignores them, and any interaction is really like acting. Like a lot of narcissists, my brother is stuck in the logical part of his brain and isn't in touch with his feelings.

My enDad has also been more demanding on my brother to do actual work in the family business. The business is growing and going to a different level. My brother has to show he is involved or he will get left behind and eventually pushed out. For many years, he didn't realize how lucky he was to get a free ride. His status as GC is in doubt. He knows he can't continue with his temper tantrums.

As for my uBPDmom, it was a hint from her a couple years ago that contributed to my Breakthrough Crisis. She talked about her deceased sister maybe having had BPD, and I looked up what it was. It described my mom really well. My aunt had her problems, but it's my mom who has BPD. For some reason, my uBPDmom was reading about BPD.

Even though my uBPDmom was a horrible mother, she is doing her best with her grandchildren. If she is improving, it may be somewhat due to pressure from my sister. At family events, I can see my sister is very aware of uBPDmom's moods. Both her and enDad are quick to "throw water on the fire" before she has a meltdown in front of the grandchildren.

HappyChappy: I think a lot has happened in my FOO in the last six years since the birth of my nephew, and later my niece. I'm hoping we progress further, but who knows? My understanding is there is no cure for BPD/NPD, just managing of their behaviour.

Kwamina: I remember reading a news story recently about people getting denied international travel because of mental health problems. The more pressing concern is getting covered for travel medical insurance. My enDad did hint at this at one point.