Thoughts on FB post and forgetting to take meds

[LittleThings]

My BPD DD has been going to an IOP following a suicide attempt. She is about 1/2 done with this.

She's been happier, with more of a sense of purpose, and she talks pretty positively. I assured her we will support her in reaching her goals of going back to college, therapy, and work. We will contribute as we can toward these goals.

Recently there was a post from her on FB "who wants to take me to a shooting range", which I saw first and then just thought about it (and wondered what on earth it could mean). My brother noticed the post and texted me "what's up with your DD's post? He then called my Dad who called me and expressed concern over the post."

I asked my DD about it and she was extremely defensive and couldn't really see why everyone is so alarmed over it! Why shouldn't she go to a range... . it's fun. I should be able to do what I want, even if I have  mental illness. I explained that in light of recent events, concern could be warranted, and that people do care about what happens to her. She said we are, "cramping her style" by worrying "needlessly". OK... .

Then for the last 2 days, she forgot to take one of her meds (but not the other that sits right next to the 1st) and claimed she was just unable to get out of bed and do anything(but watch shows, etc. in her room on computer)... . she did shower.

I asked if she's having trouble remembering to take the meds and it would help if I remind her... . to which she said "ugh!"

Do you think we (the family) are sabotaging things by expressing concern over the post?

How do we handle the possibiilty that she may be deliberately skipping meds in order to check out for a time, so we can't expect her to do anything?

We are meeting with the IOP coordinator so our DD can explain what she's been doing to get better and her plan to continue to do so.

Do you think my DH and I can ask the coordinator and "gently address" some of the issues that persist? Or would it be best not to address these at all with DD present?

It's going to be a long summer when this program ends and my anxiety is building over long stretches of idle time. Her job doesn't fill any time during the week, just weekends.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

Dear Little things

I am sorry you are struggling with your dd right now but it sounds like she is on a path of recovery. I am glad you expressed your support and concerns with her. It does seem odd that she can remember to take on pill but not the other... . my dd has a terrible memory and I have to remind her daily to take meds or she will not take them. I have all the meds in a sorter kind of container that is labeled for each day so she can tell if she has taken them or not... . does your dd have this kind of system to help her? Ultimately it is her responsibility so I think that needs to be left to her but I don't see any harm in reminding her from time to time. I set an alarm on my phone the beeps in the evening so I can check her pill container. My dd is only 16 and acts 12 so I feel I still need to be helpful when it comes to meds.

If going to the shooting range is a typical activity she use to do I don't see concern... . I live in texas and this is really common here so I might have a different prespective than others. I don't like guns so I am not keen on going to shooting ranges etc... .

I do think you should express your concerns with the doctor... . I would not be overly concerned about her down time during the weekends. Right now it is probably taking all her strength to get through the week of work.

Littlethings I think you need to look at your anxiety level... . I am a big time worrier and I really had to change that or least not let my dd see this so much... . I don't think it send a good message to her... . i think i kind of says you lack confidence in her abilities although I am sure that is not what you are trying to do... . I do think the mothers worry and anxiety impact our kids and that is why I try not to show it if possible.

[LittleThings]

Hi jellibeans,

 

Her downtime is all week as she only works weekends. Sorry if that wasn't clear.

She has never been to a shooting range, nor expressed a desire to do so up to now. We do not encourage gun usage here, nor is it popular in our area. (CT) That made it worrisome for family members, so they contacted me.

I totally understand that worrying (or letting her see that) shows her we may lack confidence in her abilities to get better. I realize we need to start to trust her more... . that's been hard in light of recent past events. When she was in the hospital, I cleaned her room (told her I was going to) and found razor blades, cigarette butts, beer cans, and rolling papers.

I am going to inform other members of the family that if they have a concern they can address it with her as well. I didn't like being the go-between, although I did have my curiosity about her post.

They have taken her off all mood stabilizers, so now is on Cymbalta and Abilify. Uses Hydroxyzene to help w/sleep. I think I will talk to her about reminders. She's almost 20,but often acts 16.

We are also dealing with our 15 yr old son's recent reaction to her attempt, and trying to help him sort out his very negative feelings about his sister. Trying to let him know he is going to be OK, we (parents) are going to be OK, despite all the past stress, and that his sister is trying.

Lots going on. Thank you so much for your input, I really appreciate it!

[tristesse]

Hi Little Things,

I understand the interest your dd is having in going to the range, learning to shoot seems to be an up and coming past time especially for girls. I would be concerned about her handling a weapon though, in light of recent events, and attempts it would be very scary. My own BPDd30 has self harmed and been violent towards me in the past, she has held a knife to my throat before, so I would never want her anywhere near a gun. I think you know your dd better than anybody else, probably better than she knows herself, so you would best know if she is prepared to handle this type of activity and responsibility.

I agree with you that others can express their concerns to her themselves, being the moderator sometimes sucks, and then you always look like the bad guy to your BPDd, not only that but sometimes they (BPDd) need to be aware that other people care about them too. They need to be know that the concern isn't just moms paranoia or mis-trust.

I hope it all works out well for you and your dd. Good Luck.

[HealingSpirit]

Dear Little Things,

I share your concern about your DD's sudden interest in shooting.  My DH is a gun collector, which I obviously had to accept in order to marry him.  So, guns aren't the problem.  The person behind the gun is the problem.  It is strange to me that your DD has a sudden interest in shooting, especially when she is so emotionally fragile right now.

My DD17 loves gaming.  She plays those shoot-em-up games with friends.  I wonder if virtual gun-use would satisfy her new interest in shooting?   My DH won't take our DD with him to the range because she is a cutter.  But they do play video games together sometimes.

On the other hand, DH took me to the range a long time ago when I was extremely upset and angry.  It felt good to go blasting and shoot big clusters of holes in a target.  I did feel better afterward, but I wasn't suicidal.  Just angry.  Feeling and hearing the "BANG!" helped defuse my anger.  Don't know why and I haven't done that since.  Just food for thought so you know there can be some therapeutic benefit to shooting.  But, if it were my DD, I'd try something else... . It's her new interest that concerns me.  You know her best.

Hang in there and good luck!