Other shoe dropped today, 16D wants to move out

[pessim-optimist]

 It worked well for us; and it is the distraction technique.  When we were on high alert during these times, my dd knew she hadn't earned a lot of trust or freedom and that we would be seeing a lot of each other.   I let her pick between signing up for some extra curricular summer activities, or hanging out and having mother daughter time.  She ended up taking 2 years of drama!  

This accomplished the goal I had of having her connect with other girls, and it also kept her busy and distracted.  She found out she was really good at it, too!  It is not going to be a question of whether they have a void to fill... .it is merely a question of what do they fill it with?  Something positive, or something unhealthy?  

I think they need to stay busy, develop interests outside of boys, and be around positive role models in order to have the resilience/self-esteem to start having healthy boundaries and relationships.

I think that's a wonderful idea!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[SeaSprite]

Plotthickens, That's a great idea. I think she's not ready, right now she is grieving and sort of... on strike. She's reading and watching tv, she showered today, and that's about it. But when she's ready to get out of the house, this seems like a good idea. Right now I'm pretty sure anything I suggest she will reject, just because I suggested it, so I'm not even offering up food, or she won't eat.

This evening she came and told me that a few months ago, if she'd gone through something like this, I would have had to take her to the hospital. Now she says she isn't even thinking about hurting herself. She says he makes her happy, and strong, and she isn't giving up on being able to see him.

I didn't say anything, just listened. She's still not trying to see him against my wishes, I suspect one of two things is true, either she knows I'll call in the police and he could get into trouble, or he isn't wanting to see her because he knows I can get him into trouble, and he has a shred of common sense. (She can call him on our home phone, but she doesn't have a cell phone right now).

[PaulaJeanne]

I agree with jellibeans. Part of that secret script has to do with turning any attempt to discuss their relationships with SO, no matter how sincere you are, into an attack on you. Snooping is the ultimate weapon for her attack. There' sno way she can listen to what you have to say when all she can think of is how you're trying to control her (in her mind).

I found a way to turn my dd's phone off during certain hours. Not that it did any good-she climbed out a third story window & shimmied down the chimney in her bare feet in the middle of the night during a rainstorm to see her "bad boy" bf when she was 15 or 16. And she had no phone with her!

Yikes, thank goodness for this board. Who else would believe this stuff we're going through!