custody/ relocation/proximity how far away is safe for child ?

[Parents! Get help here!]

I am un unusual predicament.

It looks s though alienated D11 could end up residing at her UBPDAD's.

I live 2 blocks away in tinytown.

between UBPDAD's and the school, and town.

We have to cross each other and all see each other numerous times a day Literally THAT small.

He is a public figure. I went email contact only x 3 years, now.

This has resulted in my alienation and ostrasization not only of most the village but D! as well.

My lease is up on my huge 5 bedeoom house and roomate moved out.

we will have deep snow and nobody moves after october.

Im considering moving to the nearest town where I could get a fresh start and my history will not hinderme.

closest place is 1.5 hours away.

D11 is making this choice with mama 2 blocks away.

I do not want to abandon D!.

but staying here feels like a dead prospect.

I am completely isolated, bitter, depressed, lonely. I see the big picture.

I am not getting most of my personal needs met by staying these last 3 years.

no jobs, NOTHING here.

I feel like I must move to save myself.

I know if I move I will have a support network and be much stronger for D11 and myself.

Staying here has escalated the push pull, we cannot get away from it.

I am painted black and constant smear campaign .

I hope to move, get stronger, build a happier life so when I AM with D!, we can have better time.

There are also more resources for D11 as she matures and this family story plays out.

I am consulting a new attorney soon.

Psychologist who saw d11 5 times, says "dont dare move, it WILL be abandoning her"

but I feel like I am almost fighting for my life here.

They are also blaming lots of this stuff on my PPD when she was a baby. most blamed on me, if they only knew .

how could this hurt her?

Im sure she expects me to stay 2 blocks away !

thanks

[nona]

I am un unusual predicament.

It looks s though alienated D11 could end up residing at her UBPDAD's.

I live 2 blocks away in tinytown.

between UBPDAD's and the school, and town.

We have to cross each other and all see each other numerous times a day Literally THAT small.

He is a public figure. I went email contact only x 3 years, now.

This has resulted in my alienation and ostrasization not only of most the village but D! as well.

My lease is up on my huge 5 bedeoom house and roomate moved out.

we will have deep snow and nobody moves after october.

Im considering moving to the nearest town where I could get a fresh start and my history will not hinderme.

closest place is 1.5 hours away.

D11 is making this choice with mama 2 blocks away.

I do not want to abandon D!.

but staying here feels like a dead prospect.

I am completely isolated, bitter, depressed, lonely. I see the big picture.

I am not getting most of my personal needs met by staying these last 3 years.

no jobs, NOTHING here.

I feel like I must move to save myself.

I know if I move I will have a support network and be much stronger for D11 and myself.

Staying here has escalated the push pull, we cannot get away from it.

I am painted black and constant smear campaign .

I hope to move, get stronger, build a happier life so when I AM with D!, we can have better time.

There are also more resources for D11 as she matures and this family story plays out.

I am consulting a new attorney soon.

Psychologist who saw d11 5 times, says "dont dare move, it WILL be abandoning her"

but I feel like I am almost fighting for my life here.

They are also blaming lots of this stuff on my PPD when she was a baby. most blamed on me, if they only knew .

how could this hurt her?

Im sure she expects me to stay 2 blocks away !

thanks

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[PyneappleDays]

Don't move she's going to need you.  You need to set up rules for your house when she comes , yours and her safety.  Courts are looking for the parent who best set visitation and works with the other parent.

Do not give up.  You should look for a councillor for yourself, possibly for dealling with the run in to her them.  possibly councilling for the 3 of you if you can work it.  Keep yourself busy join a group something for you.

P

[HealingSpirit]

Dear Nona,

I also live in a small town, so I understand how hard it must be for you to show your face every day, especially with your EX being such a prominent figure in the town.  I also understand the limited resources and limited opportunities of a small town.  Where I live, I literally can never go anywhere without running into someone I know. Not even the local grocery store or the post office.  I think if I were in your shoes, I'd look into moving too.  But, it is a big decision, and one I would not make lightly.  I hear you that you have lost yourself in your small town and that you feel you need a fresh start away from all the character assassination you've been living with.  Do you have a therapist or counselor for yourself?  This is such a big decision, and it has so many ramifications for your future and the future of your DD, I strongly suggest you get YOURSELF some help with this before taking any action.

I'd like to invite you to be BRUTALLY HONEST with yourself about this decision to move.  Are you really making the move to better yourself and your situation?  Or are you wanting to run away for a fresh start?  If you really are moving to better yourself, then I believe that would ultimately be better for your DD as well.  What better gift can we give our DDs than to show them by example how to be healthy happy, successful moms?  Staying and sacrificing yourself for your DD may be sending the wrong message to her that your life isn't as important as hers.  If you send her and your EX that message, you may be doomed.  On the other hand, if you are running away from your problems, your problems will just follow you to the next town.  Running away doesn't solve anything, and I'm sure you know that, deep down.  Only YOU know for sure what your motivation to move is.  It's a big decision worth exploring thoroughly, so after you get a good lawyer, get yourself some good help with this major decision.  But, please come back and tell us however you decide.  You have my support either way!

I also suggest you visit the "Family Law"  and "Coparenting After the Split"  boards.  (My computer won't let me cut & past links for some odd reason, or I'd have pasted the links here for you.) There are people on those boards who are dealing with the same issues you are and they may have more practical wisdom and advice to share.  You can find those boards the same way you found this one: by clicking on "Boards" and then scrolling down the list.

I am so sorry you're going through this!  It must be so scary and frustrating.

Hang in there!